Marriage, adutery and custody

What is the name of your state? PA
I was married in New York, but now we live in PA. Do I need a copy of the marriage certificate from New York to file for a divorce? Also we have a six year old son and my wife is having an open affair, I want to know what are my chances of getting custody. Note the man she is having an affair with is an alcoholic, with past drug and abuse history.

Thanks!

Kat5112 said:

What is the name of your state? PA
I was married in New York, but now we live in PA. Do I need a copy of the marriage certificate from New York to file for a divorce? Also we have a six year old son and my wife is having an open affair, I want to know what are my chances of getting custody. Note the man she is having an affair with is an alcoholic, with past drug and abuse history.

Thanks!

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You do not need a copy of the marriage certificate. Adultery does not directly have any legal bearing on custody. It is a ground for divorce. However if you can prove that it is in the child's best interest for you to have full custody then you might get it but don't count on it. Most states lean towards joint custody and having an affair is not going to show that mom is unfit and shouldn't have custody. Who has been the primary caregiver? Who has tended to the child's day to day needs? Who will more likely encourage and facilitate a relationship with the other parent. Your chances of getting custody are the same as hers -- 50/50.

Does it matter who the child want to live with?
The man's background has nothing to do with the court's decision?

Kat5112 said:

Does it matter who the child want to live with?
The man's background has nothing to do with the court's decision?

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Is the man a direct and immediate danger to the child? If not then no. And children do NOT get to make this decision. A GAL may talk to a child and convey to the court what a child's wishes are but a parent cannot and courts frown on children being placed in the position of stating who they want to live with. How old is the child?

Will be 7 in September. If they wind up living together, or even get married, then yes wouldn't the child's life be in danger? Also, the child knows the man, wouldn't that phycologicvally mess the child up? Also, doesn't the court look at the parent commiting the audultery, what kind of role model would that parent be? We also own a house, and my son and I want to live in the house, do I have to sell it?

Kat5112 said:

Will be 7 in September.

If you pull a 7 year old in to court to make him choose between his parents, a judge will STOMP on you or your attorney. What kind of parent puts their child in that situation? Not a very good one so look for a judge to be entirely ticked off. If you want someone to protect your son's interests, get a GAL appointed.

If they wind up living together, or even get married, then yes wouldn't the child's life be in danger?

No. YOu said this man had PAST problems. Prove he is doing drugs now. Prove he is drinking now. Prove that those habits harm your child directly. Prove that he is an imminent danger to your child. Being around him is not putting your child in danger. You can't draw that line. YOu are angry at your wife for hooking up with this man but you can't use your child to exact revenge.

Also, the child knows the man, wouldn't that phycologicvally mess the child up?

No. Knowing this man won't psychologically mess the child up. Being torn between mom and dad could. Being made to feel guilty for wanting to love mommy could because daddy is mad at her. Being placed in that situation could screw the kid up. Knowing a man other than you is not going to mess the child up. If mom is introducing said man as the kid's new daddy -- that is a problem. With mom, not the man. If they are having sex in front of junior -- that is a problem. But the sheer knowing this man -- not going to psychologically mess up junior.

Also, doesn't the court look at the parent commiting the audultery, what kind of role model would that parent be?

Nope. That is not the important thing. The court looks at the best interest of the child. Who is more likely to promote a relationship with both parents. Who is the primary caregiver of the child handling the child's day to day needs. Who is the person most likely to continue facilitating strong bonds and nurturing the child. Not adultery. Again if mom is having sex with anyone in front of junior that is taken into consideration. But mom walking out on you -- no. Morals do not dictate the courts. the law dictates the court.

We also own a house, and my son and I want to live in the house, do I have to sell it?

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Your son and you want to live in the house? How do you know this? Have you been telling junior how mommy left and how he is going to stay with you forever? If so then that will mess with the kid's head. As for the house -- that is marital property. She is entitled to half the equity that accrued. Can you buy her out? Can you afford to refinance and take her off the mortgage as well as give her her part of the equity? If not then look at the house as going to be sold. That will be decided in the property settlement. Not in custody. it will not dictate custody at all.

No, I am not telling junior anything. These are his words, not mine. He is his own person, you know! I always try to establish a good relationship with him and his mother. He is the one that does not want to talk to her not me. I tell him to call her if he does something good worth sharing. Again, he tells me he wants to live in the house with me, I was going to sell and move close to where they were going.

Kat5112 said:

No, I am not telling junior anything. These are his words, not mine. He is his own person, you know! I always try to establish a good relationship with him and his mother. He is the one that does not want to talk to her not me. I tell him to call her if he does something good worth sharing. Again, he tells me he wants to live in the house with me, I was going to sell and move close to where they were going.

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A court will have a very difficult time believing that you did not influence junior. That is the point. He is his own person? At the age of 7 a court will not like it if junior is wanting to choose between the two either. A GAL is going to be a necessity.

Kat5112 said:

No, I am not telling junior anything. These are his words, not mine. He is his own person, you know! I always try to establish a good relationship with him and his mother. He is the one that does not want to talk to her not me. I tell him to call her if he does something good worth sharing. Again, he tells me he wants to live in the house with me, I was going to sell and move close to where they were going.

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Did mom move out and leave the child with you?

No she did not, but she asked me to move out. But she might as well done that, when she is with him during the week, he goes outside while she is on the phone with him. And no I did not tell him to say this. He sees things himself. He is a very smart child.