scared to death

Hi. I'm in New York State. We've been married for 3 years, and it's been hell. I have kids from a prev marriage, so I pay support. My wife takes home double what I do, and she has all of our money in her acct (we have no joint acct). I was using almost all of my salary to pay all of the bills until about two months ago; now we split costs. I just want out, but she has threatened to fight me tooth and nail if I file. She says she will eventually file, but it's already been three months since we decided to split. I have three options: a) wait for 12 months and file (in NYS) for Constr. Abandonment (it's been 3 months already with no sex), b) file now for cruel and inhumane treatment and face a costly battle, or wait for her to (maybe) get around to it and then just not respond (we have no children or assets). I was taken to the cleaners in my last divorce, so I am scared to death now, especially since she has all of our money. I know she has already emptied her bank accounts, and she has threatened to "lose her job" and sue me for alimony.

Does anyone have any suggestions? I don't want anything from her; I just want my life back. I am also afraid if I file for constr abandonment, she'll try to destroy me then, too. She is a real fighter and cannot back down from anything. I also can't afford to fight her too much. This marriage is a real nightmare. I feel trapped... if I divorce her, I am afraid I will lose whatever I have left (which is not much), and If I don't, I will have a nervous breakdown.What is the name of your state?

Don't be a wuse. Open your own account for deposit of your salary. She can't just quit working and therefore be entitled to alimony. She has a history of being capable of earning X amount. Sghe's full of BS, don't listen to this bologna.

Even if she had NOT been working recently, she would be highly unliklely to get alimony for a thirty six MONTH marriage! See an attorney.

DownInNY said:

Hi. I'm in New York State. We've been married for 3 years, and it's been hell. I have kids from a prev marriage, so I pay support. My wife takes home double what I do, and she has all of our money in her acct (we have no joint acct). I was using almost all of my salary to pay all of the bills until about two months ago; now we split costs. I just want out, but she has threatened to fight me tooth and nail if I file. She says she will eventually file, but it's already been three months since we decided to split. I have three options: a) wait for 12 months and file (in NYS) for Constr. Abandonment (it's been 3 months already with no sex), b) file now for cruel and inhumane treatment and face a costly battle, or wait for her to (maybe) get around to it and then just not respond (we have no children or assets).

Go for cruel and inhuman treatment. That's the trendy one in NYS.

I was taken to the cleaners in my last divorce, so I am scared to death now, especially since she has all of our money. I know she has already emptied her bank accounts, and she has threatened to "lose her job" and sue me for alimony.

Sounds like you have a good case if you were to sue her for alimony.

Does anyone have any suggestions?

Get a lawyer.

I don't want anything from her; I just want my life back. I am also afraid if I file for constr abandonment, she'll try to destroy me then, too. She is a real fighter and cannot back down from anything. I also can't afford to fight her too much. This marriage is a real nightmare. I feel trapped... if I divorce her, I am afraid I will lose whatever I have left (which is not much), and If I don't, I will have a nervous breakdown.What is the name of your state?

Click to expand...

Sounds like you don't have much of a choice.

You really need to consult with a local attorney (as well as open your own bank account). You don't have to immediately hire one, but if you at least consult with one you will have a much better idea of exactly what you can or cannot do.

LdiJ said:

You really need to consult with a local attorney (as well as open your own bank account). You don't have to immediately hire one, but if you at least consult with one you will have a much better idea of exactly what you can or cannot do.

Click to expand...

Yes I agree, especially since OP is the husband.

Sounds like the wife is doing exactly what she wants to do NOW without an attorney and without expecting impunity.

And she is is right.

Well that's typical for the NYS justice system.

Cruel and inhumane treatment probably won't net the divorce , but if She left you , abandonment will suffice .