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Desperate

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lindsaymay814

Junior Member
What is the name of your state? New Jersey, Monmouth County

My Fiance is in the middle of a divorce that has been prolonged for three+ years now. He has had the same attorney since 10/04 who has an excellent reputation in our county. His reputation, however is only held high through the courts, not with his clients. My Fiance is suffering emotionally and financially due to this divorce. His lawyer is rarely in contact with him, never returns phone calls, and only sends paper work through the mail. At this point in the game it would make no sense to change attorney's, this process would have to start all over and he is already financially in debt to this man. My Fiances ex (soon to be) wife is trying to take him for everything he has. He is a good man and an even better father. His ex holds their child over his head, hides the little boy from his dad when she feels like it, and makes rules all the time on when he can and can not see his son. Is this legal? is she allowed to hold him from his daddy? if not what are the necessary procedures to take in order for the nonsense to come to an end. She is asking for backed up rent (in a home she is being evicted from), she is asking him to pay her $410 per WEEK, $160 for child support the rest for herself. She is asking for things we can't give. She has been so vicious, will not show up for assigned court dates, is uncooperative with handing in necessary paper work, is emotionally abusive (calling and screeming even in the middle of the night, or in front of her child). She stalks our home (but we do not have proof). She is in need of severe mental health counseling (I can say this because I have spoken to her and I do work in the field). If any one out there has any advise please I am desperate. My Fiance and I are ready to move forward with our lives, get married, have children, etc... I feel as though my life has been dictated by this woman since I started dating him. I love him more than anything and would wait for ever if I had to, but I really wish there was something he could do in order to speed up this process. It has gone on long enough. We are all suffering, me, him, and his 6 year old child.
 


weenor

Senior Member
lindsaymay814 said:
What is the name of your state? New Jersey, Monmouth County
She stalks our home (but we do not have proof). She is in need of severe mental health counseling (I can say this because I have spoken to her and I do work in the field). If any one out there has any advise please I am desperate. My Fiance and I are ready to move forward with our lives, get married, have children, etc... I feel as though my life has been dictated by this woman since I started dating him. I love him more than anything and would wait for ever if I had to, but I really wish there was something he could do in order to speed up this process. It has gone on long enough. We are all suffering, me, him, and his 6 year old child.
Look, you are hurting his case against her more than anything else. No judge will look kindly upon a man who is NOT divorced, shacking up and engaging another woman. If you stay in the picture, be prepared that the ex will get what she wants.
 

lindsaymay814

Junior Member
Desperate cont...

So he shouldn't be able to move on with his life becuase she is refusing to go through with the divorce? that isn't very fair, he is entitled to a divorce and to be a free man. Like I said this has been going on for 3+ years. I met him well after the divorce papers had been filed. That is not the advice I was looking for.
 

fairisfair

Senior Member
lindsaymay814 said:
So he shouldn't be able to move on with his life becuase she is refusing to go through with the divorce? that isn't very fair, he is entitled to a divorce and to be a free man. Like I said this has been going on for 3+ years. I met him well after the divorce papers had been filed. That is not the advice I was looking for.
Well, then since you know what advice you are looking for, who would be more qualified than yourself?? :rolleyes:
 

Rushia

Senior Member
lindsaymay814 said:
So he shouldn't be able to move on with his life becuase she is refusing to go through with the divorce? that isn't very fair, he is entitled to a divorce and to be a free man. Like I said this has been going on for 3+ years. I met him well after the divorce papers had been filed. That is not the advice I was looking for.
Weenor is an attorney and you should listen to her. Right now your bf is committing adultery and his stbx can use it against him. NJ is a "fault" state.
 

weenor

Senior Member
lindsaymay814 said:
So he shouldn't be able to move on with his life becuase she is refusing to go through with the divorce?

Precisely- He should be pushing his lawyer to get the divorce through BEFORE moving on with another woman.

that isn't very fair, he is entitled to a divorce and to be a free man.

Well life's not fair. Of course he's entitled to be a free man right now, without the divorce, he will just have to pay...and pay...and pay.

Like I said this has been going on for 3+ years. I met him well after the divorce papers had been filed. That is not the advice I was looking for.
What advice were you looking for? Your type all this " I am tired of her controlling my life and I am a victim" crud. No you are not a victim. You chose to be with a married man and now you'll have to pay the consequence. Sure the wife is responding negatively, that is a natural response-maybe not right in your book- but natural. I would expect nothing else. I already gave the best advice. If you b/f wants to come out of this reasonably unscathed, you need to back off and stay out of the picture as much as possible.
 

lindsaymay814

Junior Member
Desperate cont...

I really am looking for advice, I didn't know that I would come to this site and be criticized. The sarcastic remark was not necessary. I thought the purpose of this site was to help others. He is committing adultery even though he is legally seperated? his lawyer told him that it was ok that he is in a relationship, he has been seperated since the day he filed.
This whole divorce process seems to be completely for women, he is a good man and should be able to move on and forward with his life. I am looking for someone who can help me seriously. We love eachother, so advice telling me to get out of his life because it will cause too many complications is not going to help. Is anyone out there who has a genuine care for people who do not deserve to suffer because of crazy ex- spouses?
 

Rushia

Senior Member
lindsaymay814 said:
I really am looking for advice, I didn't know that I would come to this site and be criticized. The sarcastic remark was not necessary. I thought the purpose of this site was to help others. He is committing adultery even though he is legally seperated? his lawyer told him that it was ok that he is in a relationship, he has been seperated since the day he filed.
This whole divorce process seems to be completely for women, he is a good man and should be able to move on and forward with his life. I am looking for someone who can help me seriously. We love eachother, so advice telling me to get out of his life because it will cause too many complications is not going to help. Is anyone out there who has a genuine care for people who do not deserve to suffer because of crazy ex- spouses?
What part of fault state did you not understand? The ex can use it against him. He is still legally married. He wants his divorce, tell him to sit in his attorney's office until the man will speak to him. You being in the picture complicates matters. Judges (at least that I've seen) tend to deal harshly with adulterous people. His ex is going to get child support and she may get alimony. We aren't here to care about your problem, this is a legal website and you got your legal advice. You put yourself in this situation by getting involved with a man before he was officially divorced. You didn't have to suffer.
 

cyana24

Member
Rushia said:
Weenor is an attorney and you should listen to her. Right now your bf is committing adultery and his stbx can use it against him. NJ is a "fault" state.

Rushia said:
Weenor is an attorney and you should listen to her. Right now your bf is committing adultery and his stbx can use it against him. NJ is a "fault" state.

Rushia said:
Weenor is an attorney and you should listen to her. Right now your bf is committing adultery and his stbx can use it against him. NJ is a "fault" state.
The repeats are intentional. Hon, YOU are the one who's not getting it. LISTEN TO WEENER!
 

Rushia

Senior Member
cyana24 said:
The repeats are intentional. Hon, YOU are the one who's not getting it. LISTEN TO WEENER!
And just think, she's an attorney and I just googled the info. Google is our friend. :D
 

Mogirl

Junior Member
Intresting....

I myself did some googling and found this site! http://www.kaplandivorce.com/no_separation.html

Many people contact our firm because they are considering separating from their spouse and they want to know about how to obtain a "Legal Separation". We tell them that there is no such thing in the State of New Jersey as a " Legal Separation"; they can simply move out tonight if they wish to (of course, they cannot simply abandon their responsibilities, both financial and otherwise, for a spouse and children.)

The fact of the matter is that unlike some other states, New Jersey does not have a formal law authorizing Legal Separation.

Other states, such as California, do offer a formal Legal Separation as an option for couples wishing to stop living as husband and wife. For example, a Legal Separation in California is for couples not wishing to get divorced but who want to live apart and decide on money, property, and parenting issues. In a California Legal Separation case, a person can ask the judge for orders like child support, spousal support, custody and visitation, or any other orders a person can get with a divorce case.

Here in New Jersey, though, if people simply separate there is no Judge to ask for assistance because there is no concept of Legal Separation.

This may be a meaningless distinction though, because in New Jersey it is possible to negotiate all issues of support, children, and property distribution, and have an agreement reached with your spouse that has been drawn up into a formal "Marital Settlement Agreement", or "Interspousal Agreement", or "Property Settlement Agreement" without ever obtaining a divorce.

One can also file a Complaint with the Superior Court of New Jersey seeking child custody, child support, alimony (or all three) without also filing for divorce.

It is also possible to obtain a Divorce from Bed and Board in New Jersey, which is a formal legal court order that resolves issues of child support, alimony, property distribution, etc. without granting a formal divorce to the parties. Some people find this more acceptable than a traditional divorce for religious reasons and other practical reasons.

The decision to separate or divorce is a serious one. Notwithstanding the fact that there is no concept of "Legal Separation" here in New Jersey, there are still difficult issues of child support, alimony, property distribution, debts, insurance, and many other issues that need to be worked out.





OP, in your state their is no such thing as a "Legal Separation" He is committing Adultery. :eek:
 

Rushia

Senior Member
Mogirl said:
I myself did some googling and found this site! http://www.kaplandivorce.com/no_separation.html

Many people contact our firm because they are considering separating from their spouse and they want to know about how to obtain a "Legal Separation". We tell them that there is no such thing in the State of New Jersey as a " Legal Separation"; they can simply move out tonight if they wish to (of course, they cannot simply abandon their responsibilities, both financial and otherwise, for a spouse and children.)

The fact of the matter is that unlike some other states, New Jersey does not have a formal law authorizing Legal Separation.

Other states, such as California, do offer a formal Legal Separation as an option for couples wishing to stop living as husband and wife. For example, a Legal Separation in California is for couples not wishing to get divorced but who want to live apart and decide on money, property, and parenting issues. In a California Legal Separation case, a person can ask the judge for orders like child support, spousal support, custody and visitation, or any other orders a person can get with a divorce case.

Here in New Jersey, though, if people simply separate there is no Judge to ask for assistance because there is no concept of Legal Separation.

This may be a meaningless distinction though, because in New Jersey it is possible to negotiate all issues of support, children, and property distribution, and have an agreement reached with your spouse that has been drawn up into a formal "Marital Settlement Agreement", or "Interspousal Agreement", or "Property Settlement Agreement" without ever obtaining a divorce.

One can also file a Complaint with the Superior Court of New Jersey seeking child custody, child support, alimony (or all three) without also filing for divorce.

It is also possible to obtain a Divorce from Bed and Board in New Jersey, which is a formal legal court order that resolves issues of child support, alimony, property distribution, etc. without granting a formal divorce to the parties. Some people find this more acceptable than a traditional divorce for religious reasons and other practical reasons.

The decision to separate or divorce is a serious one. Notwithstanding the fact that there is no concept of "Legal Separation" here in New Jersey, there are still difficult issues of child support, alimony, property distribution, debts, insurance, and many other issues that need to be worked out.





OP, in your state their is no such thing as a "Legal Separation" He is committing Adultery. :eek:
Kinda makes you wonder what OP's bf is telling her doesn't it? ;)
 

weenor

Senior Member
lindsaymay814 said:
I really am looking for advice, I didn't know that I would come to this site and be criticized. The sarcastic remark was not necessary. I thought the purpose of this site was to help others.

The purpose for the commentary and/or advice is not criticism. The fact that he is married and involved with you hurts his case. Again, its his choice, but he will pay.

He is committing adultery even though he is legally seperated?

He is not legally separated. Legally separated is another legal process. He is physically separated and committing adultry. The judge will likely excuse and/or not the wife's behavior because they are still married.

his lawyer told him that it was ok that he is in a relationship, he has been seperated since the day he filed.

Hopefully, the lawyer knows the judge and he'll be o.k. But I would never advise this course of conduct to a client if the client wants to hang to assets he would normally be entitled to.

This whole divorce process seems to be completely for women, he is a good man and should be able to move on and forward with his life.

That's bull. I repeat -starting sitting on the lawyer to get things moving.

I am looking for someone who can help me seriously. We love eachother, so advice telling me to get out of his life because it will cause too many complications is not going to help. Is anyone out there who has a genuine care for people who do not deserve to suffer because of crazy ex- spouses?
Listen, I suffer because of my husband's crazy ex spouse. You will note the term my "husband". He was divorced years before I met him and we were told that if he wanted custody of his daughter with me around, we had to get married. So my experiences are not just legal, they are personal. You don't get it. You are a liability and its been your choice. Keep doing what you are, just don't whine when the judge doesn't agree that she's the problem.


To summarize: There is nothing YOU can do legally to stop her, and YOU are adding to the problem. Your b/f can document behavior issues affecting the child and the judge may or may not consider that. As I said, the judge may even empathize with her.
 

lindsaymay814

Junior Member
Desperate no longer

His court date was today, and after 3+ years he was granted his divorce. I think the people on this site are very sarcastic, negative, and rude.

He wasn't taken to the "cleaners", the judge did know about me, and he wasn't repremanded. He has to pay child support and give his now ex one lump sum. Everyone here made me feel like I had done something terrible by loving someone who was being tortured. Well all is well, he is free, and we can go on. I guess because I am a counselor I have more compasion for human beings, unlike the individuals on this site.

Thanks for nothing!
 

fairisfair

Senior Member
lindsaymay814 said:
His court date was today, and after 3+ years he was granted his divorce. I think the people on this site are very sarcastic, negative, and rude.

He wasn't taken to the "cleaners", the judge did know about me, and he wasn't repremanded. He has to pay child support and give his now ex one lump sum. Everyone here made me feel like I had done something terrible by loving someone who was being tortured. Well all is well, he is free, and we can go on. I guess because I am a counselor I have more compasion for human beings, unlike the individuals on this site.

Thanks for nothing!
Gee and only 5 days ago, he didn't even have a court date, a good for nothing attorney, an ex who was taking him to the cleaners and you, who could see no end in sight. Amazing how things can change so quickly, and with a weekend in there to boot!! ROTFLMAO :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:
 

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