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sland

Junior Member
What is the name of your state? Ca. I am getting ready to divorce my husband and we have three children. He pushed me and ripped my shirt recently but I never filed anything or asked for a restraining order. He is bipolar and lost custody of his daughter from a previous relationship. He has never been active in our kids lives. He has opened a new company and is pocketing the money and I am afraid he will get a great lawyer to try to take the kids. My question is how do I protect my children? I want them to have a relationship with their dad but I know it would be detremental to them to be with him for more then 2- 3 hours at a time. He just gets so mad at them and will scream and yell. He rarely sees them during the day and when he gets home he will yell at them and then ignore them. The kids are young, 5, 4 and 2. How do I go about making sure I get sole custody and he has limited visitation?
 


Ohiogal

Queen Bee
sland said:
What is the name of your state? Ca. I am getting ready to divorce my husband and we have three children. He pushed me and ripped my shirt recently but I never filed anything or asked for a restraining order.

YOu never filed anything so you have no proof that he is violent.

He is bipolar

Is he medicated? Does he take his medication? Can you prove that he is bipolar and whta he does regarding the medication? Because just because someone is bi polar doesn't mean they are unfit to parent.

and lost custody of his daughter from a previous relationship.

Irrelevant truthfully.



He has never been active in our kids lives. He has opened a new company and is pocketing the money and I am afraid he will get a great lawyer to try to take the kids.

And you are married to him and know he is pocketing the money and hence you are just as guilty as he is.


My question is how do I protect my children?

They are not "my children". They are "our children".

I want them to have a relationship with their dad but I know it would be detremental to them to be with him for more then 2- 3 hours at a time.

No you don't know that. You believe that. proving that will be key. After all you chose to have not one but three children with this man over the course of quite a few years. You thought he was completely fit and appropriate to make babies with. And the court is going to require proof for the negatives that you throw up in court. PROVE IT! You can ask for a guardian ad litem to be appointed and they will speak for the children and what is in the children's best interests. But normally that is a relationship with both children. One parent does NOT get to dictate that.

He just gets so mad at them and will scream and yell.

yelling is not a bad parent. Neither is screaming. If he were beating them then you would have a problem (but you would have to prove that and if you come back and say -- but yes he does beat them -- then you will lose all credibility because you would have mentioned that to begin with). And the reason that would be a problem is not just because it could show dad's violent side but all because it would show that you allowed it.

He rarely sees them during the day

Could that be because he works?

and when he gets home he will yell at them and then ignore them.

Prove it. And are the kids misbehaving when he gets home? Is there a reason he yells?

The kids are young, 5, 4 and 2. How do I go about making sure I get sole custody and he has limited visitation?
You can't make sure you get sole custody. There has to be some very strong reasons why you should get sole custody and they are not prevalent from your post.
 

sland

Junior Member
more advice please

Thank you for responding and I appreciate the honesty. He is bipolar and does not take his medications- if he did things would be a lot better. I have text messages that he has sent me stating he knows he is acting mean because he is not taking his medications. We also went to marriage counseling when our youngest was about 3 months old. The counsler recommended that I give up on the marriage and go to a womens shelter because my husband would never change and could become violent from what she has seen. I can get a letter from her but would that even help in court or even be admissable? Also this morning he did not have to be at work until 11:30. He woke up at 8:00 took a shower and the kids asked him to play with him. I asked him what time he had to leave for work and he said 11:30 and then he told the kids he did not want to play and left while our middle one was crying for him. However he did tell them that he would try to play with them next week and he just did not want to be around me. I said I would leave the house and he could have the kids to himself or he could take the kids to the park. He said he did not want to. I said the kids needed him and he said oh well. My question is should I be writing this stuff down on a calendar for court or does it even matter. Thanks again
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
sland said:
Thank you for responding and I appreciate the honesty. He is bipolar and does not take his medications- if he did things would be a lot better. I have text messages that he has sent me stating he knows he is acting mean because he is not taking his medications. We also went to marriage counseling when our youngest was about 3 months old. The counsler recommended that I give up on the marriage and go to a womens shelter because my husband would never change and could become violent from what she has seen. I can get a letter from her but would that even help in court or even be admissable? Also this morning he did not have to be at work until 11:30. He woke up at 8:00 took a shower and the kids asked him to play with him. I asked him what time he had to leave for work and he said 11:30 and then he told the kids he did not want to play and left while our middle one was crying for him. However he did tell them that he would try to play with them next week and he just did not want to be around me. I said I would leave the house and he could have the kids to himself or he could take the kids to the park. He said he did not want to. I said the kids needed him and he said oh well. My question is should I be writing this stuff down on a calendar for court or does it even matter. Thanks again
He could argue that counseling falls under privilege however there is a strong argument that it is not privileged because it is extremely relevant information, the counselor has spoken to him as well and observed things. Whether or not the counselor would testify (a LETTER WILL NOT WORK!) is another story.
As for this morning -- single incident does not matter. Again you would probably get primary custody but dad has a right unless proven unfit to joint custody. Unless he agrees to something else. Record everything though and you might eventually gather enough. text messages you would have to prove were typed by him, from him and what they were in relation to. Again they might be a piece of the puzzle but a small piece -- say one out of 500. Alone it won't mean much.
The other thing about counseling -- you didn't leave and follow the counselor's recommendations. Hence, you didn't take her seriously and the argument could be made that if you didn't take it seriously why should the court?
 

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