Bob Fliflet
Junior Member
What is the name of your state? Military: live in Germany, HOR is Florida
Well, first time around the marriage wagon, and we've fallen off. Although I am ultimately the one who left, I was basically being treated like garbage, and couldnn't handle being told I was stupid on a regular basis, and the camel's back broke when my 3 year old son started to repeat the same mannerism and insults as my wife.
Here's the huge problem: We were building a house here in Germany--and if you don't know, they are VERY expensive. The house is done enough that she and the kids are living in it, but there are some foundation issues and other problems from the company that built in that we have an ongoing case in the German system for. Because of the problems and that's its not 100% finished, selling the house and cutting our losses is not even an option right now, yet through the separation, money is dwindling really fast.
I contacted a JAG lawyer, who doesn't really "do divorce" but he helped me constuct a Separation Agreement. I rewrote the agreement just to add some points I know my wife wnated to see or she would never sign, but also added a few points that I wanted input--after we discussed it 2-3 times and made changes, she still refuses to sign it.
The she went and got a lawyer. I would love to go get a lwayer, but a) they cost a minimum of 1000 euro (or $1200) just as a retainer; b) it would be a German lawyer for a German court, and I will not still be stationed in Germany by the time this thing hits court.
German law requires you to be separated for 1 year before they will even allow you to see the judge for a divorce. I know at least 3 other Soldiers who have gone through this process and all have taken 18-24 months AFTER this year of separation!! I will leave Germany 4 months after we hit our year sep time (which is this coming NOV).
My wife, who is German National by the way, was advised she has nothing to worry about since she lives in Germany the divorce can only be granted in Germany. I don't see how this can even be possible since we were married in Alabama while visiting my family.
I contacted Alabama and they said you must reside in the state for at least one year to file for a divorce--I will probably NEVER live in Alabama. Since Florida is my Army Home of Record, can I file there?
I am a bit concerned to go through a German court and them seeing the "woe is me, poor German girl whose terrible American GI husband walked out on her" scene and try to rake me over the coals. Even though I am not obligated to, I am currently giving her (or paying towards OUR bills (she does not work) at least 85% of my pay check. I pay about $340 in rent, and have gas and food money, and maybe $100 a month to "play" with---everything else goes to pay off debt created from the house, the house payment, her support, or support to the 2 kids.
Normally the air around us is thick with "don't really want to be around you, but have to because of kids" and I still go up to the house (that I've never lived in) and help do yard work or build furniture, but any time I tell her "no" or can't make it up to see kids this weekend or something, she gets real hostile, even started to attempt to hit me with her shoe once--while I was holding our sleeping 4 year old!!
She also automatically assumes since I told her I would give her custodial rights, and my being the non-custodial parent, but with life decision input, and visitation, she wants me to sign paperwork that says I have to fly to Germany and be with the kids, fly her to US so she can be around if kids come to America, or I hav to fly to Germany, pick them up, and bring them back--like I have that kind of money--if I want to visit them once I leave Germany. I agree they shouldnt have to fly "alone" on the airlines, but I shouldn't have to sign that as a 100% ironclad rule, should I?
I now also have a girlfriend, not sure how serious, or if this girl will come to States with me (although she is American, she lives in Germany). First, to clarify, this was not a girlfriend BEFORE I left home, and was not the reason I left home. I say this because, even though my wife knows this, she now tries to say this, and has told me that my visitation with my kids will not be around my girlfriend or his kid under any circumstances. I would never spend every free moment with my son with her and her son, but they are the same age, and have played together before, and get along really good. My girlfriend has asked before if we could all go to the pool together or something nice on the weekend, and if I ever mention it to my wife, she goes crazy that I will never even see my kids, and she will not let me in the house anymore....
My problem now is the whole American lost in the German system. Can I file for divorce in the States? Do I have any legal way to walk away from this house? With her having ZERO income, she has co-signed the home loan from the German bank, but only because she was the German, not because she had any money--if we don't pay or file bankruptcy, her credit in this country is ruined for 30 years, no joke.
Basically, I'm sinking here, and need some advice!!!
Thank you.
Well, first time around the marriage wagon, and we've fallen off. Although I am ultimately the one who left, I was basically being treated like garbage, and couldnn't handle being told I was stupid on a regular basis, and the camel's back broke when my 3 year old son started to repeat the same mannerism and insults as my wife.
Here's the huge problem: We were building a house here in Germany--and if you don't know, they are VERY expensive. The house is done enough that she and the kids are living in it, but there are some foundation issues and other problems from the company that built in that we have an ongoing case in the German system for. Because of the problems and that's its not 100% finished, selling the house and cutting our losses is not even an option right now, yet through the separation, money is dwindling really fast.
I contacted a JAG lawyer, who doesn't really "do divorce" but he helped me constuct a Separation Agreement. I rewrote the agreement just to add some points I know my wife wnated to see or she would never sign, but also added a few points that I wanted input--after we discussed it 2-3 times and made changes, she still refuses to sign it.
The she went and got a lawyer. I would love to go get a lwayer, but a) they cost a minimum of 1000 euro (or $1200) just as a retainer; b) it would be a German lawyer for a German court, and I will not still be stationed in Germany by the time this thing hits court.
German law requires you to be separated for 1 year before they will even allow you to see the judge for a divorce. I know at least 3 other Soldiers who have gone through this process and all have taken 18-24 months AFTER this year of separation!! I will leave Germany 4 months after we hit our year sep time (which is this coming NOV).
My wife, who is German National by the way, was advised she has nothing to worry about since she lives in Germany the divorce can only be granted in Germany. I don't see how this can even be possible since we were married in Alabama while visiting my family.
I contacted Alabama and they said you must reside in the state for at least one year to file for a divorce--I will probably NEVER live in Alabama. Since Florida is my Army Home of Record, can I file there?
I am a bit concerned to go through a German court and them seeing the "woe is me, poor German girl whose terrible American GI husband walked out on her" scene and try to rake me over the coals. Even though I am not obligated to, I am currently giving her (or paying towards OUR bills (she does not work) at least 85% of my pay check. I pay about $340 in rent, and have gas and food money, and maybe $100 a month to "play" with---everything else goes to pay off debt created from the house, the house payment, her support, or support to the 2 kids.
Normally the air around us is thick with "don't really want to be around you, but have to because of kids" and I still go up to the house (that I've never lived in) and help do yard work or build furniture, but any time I tell her "no" or can't make it up to see kids this weekend or something, she gets real hostile, even started to attempt to hit me with her shoe once--while I was holding our sleeping 4 year old!!
She also automatically assumes since I told her I would give her custodial rights, and my being the non-custodial parent, but with life decision input, and visitation, she wants me to sign paperwork that says I have to fly to Germany and be with the kids, fly her to US so she can be around if kids come to America, or I hav to fly to Germany, pick them up, and bring them back--like I have that kind of money--if I want to visit them once I leave Germany. I agree they shouldnt have to fly "alone" on the airlines, but I shouldn't have to sign that as a 100% ironclad rule, should I?
I now also have a girlfriend, not sure how serious, or if this girl will come to States with me (although she is American, she lives in Germany). First, to clarify, this was not a girlfriend BEFORE I left home, and was not the reason I left home. I say this because, even though my wife knows this, she now tries to say this, and has told me that my visitation with my kids will not be around my girlfriend or his kid under any circumstances. I would never spend every free moment with my son with her and her son, but they are the same age, and have played together before, and get along really good. My girlfriend has asked before if we could all go to the pool together or something nice on the weekend, and if I ever mention it to my wife, she goes crazy that I will never even see my kids, and she will not let me in the house anymore....
My problem now is the whole American lost in the German system. Can I file for divorce in the States? Do I have any legal way to walk away from this house? With her having ZERO income, she has co-signed the home loan from the German bank, but only because she was the German, not because she had any money--if we don't pay or file bankruptcy, her credit in this country is ruined for 30 years, no joke.
Basically, I'm sinking here, and need some advice!!!
Thank you.
, so I don't have any State address.