Foreign Divorce - Aussie Husband won't respond

What is the name of your state? Illinois

My husband (married Dec 02) moved back to Australia for a job in March 04 and returned for the birth of our child in June 04 and that was his last time in the states. Since then, our marriage has fallen apart and he has stopped all communication with me after I filed for child support in March 05 with the Aussie CS authority.

How do I divorce him w/o his cooperation? Can I advertise? Service is very difficult -- and extremely expensive.

Would it be on the ground of abandonment -- -even though he pays CS (forced) through the CS the AU agency? If abandonment -- will IL courts address CS? Offer him any visitation? Allow me to designate the baby's custody if I were to die?

Thanks in Chicago

Stymied said:

What is the name of your state? Illinois

My husband (married Dec 02) moved back to Australia for a job in March 04 and returned for the birth of our child in June 04 and that was his last time in the states. Since then, our marriage has fallen apart and he has stopped all communication with me after I filed for child support in March 05 with the Aussie CS authority.

How do I divorce him w/o his cooperation?

You can divorce him without his cooperation.

Can I advertise? Service is very difficult -- and extremely expensive.

He will still need served. You would serve him at his last known address or service by publication per the court's order.

Would it be on the ground of abandonment -- -even though he pays CS (forced) through the CS the AU agency?

You need to talk to an attorney. Abandonment? Try looking at no fault -- living separate and apart might be a better way if Illinois allows that.

If abandonment -- will IL courts address CS?

You already are receiving Child Support. You want to get him twice and have him pay double?

Offer him any visitation?

He is the child's father. the courts may allow him visitation unless he doesn't answer. His rights won't be terminated but there may not be a custody determination done without his answer. It would default to you having sole custody if that is what you ask for if he does not answer.

Allow me to designate the baby's custody if I were to die?

Thanks in Chicago

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NO. The baby has a father and all you could do is designate standby guardianship. If dad wanted to dispute it however he would have that right to do so and could very well win. You have no right to dictate that he doesn't get his child after you die. CHILDREN ARE NOT PROPERTY!

Dictating? It was a responsible inquiry.

Thanks for using capital letters --- it's nice to see a person is able to ask a question w/o fear of being yelled at ... charming.

I'm aware a child is not property. My post was specific --- inquiring what the court's stance is on a parent who abandons a child. It's not a matter of "dictating" guardianship --- so much as it is a matter of being a responsible parent and thinking ahead should something happen to me.

My estranged husband refuses to respond to emails/snail mail and lives in a foreign country; I send him photos every week. I email him continually sharing this child's every new accomplishment.

I'm 44 years old and a single parent to 2 children, working full time.

I don't appreciate your lecture.

You are in trouble in court then. I am an attorney for crying out loud who practices family law. You got your legal answer. If you felt it was a lecture that is your problem. You asked if you could designate custody and the answer is no you cannot. This child has a father. the child has not been abandoned because daddy is paying child support. And that is contact. You may not like it but that is legally contact. It doesn't matter his reasons for paying -- he is paying. You cannot decide that he doesn't have the right to his child after you die. he does. And your other ex has the right to his child as well. You do not dictate where your child go after death which is pretty much what you wanted to do -- you wanted to dictate who got custody.

Stymied said:

I don't appreciate your lecture.

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At least it was free.

Again --

Again, Ohiogal, you misread my inquiry -- I wasn't dictating anything, I was INQUIRING as to how guardianship -- is it handled differently? --- if there is no contact with a foreign parent.

In a roundabout way you finally answered my question ---how abandonment (if there is abandonment) might affect guardianship. The answer to guardianship: "...the child has not been abandoned because daddy is paying child support..."

Okay, so what about the marriage? How do I get a divorce from a foreign husband who has stopped all communication?

Also, an interesting sidenote --- AU (like the British) child support agencies are separate from the courts. The paying parent isn't requested to make a contribution. He is assessed by the agency which has direct acces to the AU-IRS (equivalent) and billed w/o any legal proceedings in place. Pay checks can be debited, tax returns seized -- all to pay back child support .... While the calculation is low being offset by the custodial parents' income, I do admire how accessible and friendly their system is.

Sorry Ohiogal -- missed your helpful reply re divorce

My fault -- I missed your new posting re divorce.

I don't want double child support assessed, however the US assement would be to my benefit --- and readily enforced by the AU CSA -- because AU offsets my CS based on MY own income. It encourages stay-at-home mothers in AU; offering higher CS, and state daycare benefits.

Thanks very much

Chicag

In Ohiogals detailed response you were given all the answers to those questions.

YES. It is possible to divorce an unavailible or unwilling party.

Your divorce is likely to be complicated.

You will need a lawyer, and there will be costs most substantial than post to Australia.

Good luck to you, and PS, Ohiogal was not confused by your situation. You seem confused to not have grasped what one of the best, genuine, lawyer on this forum.

Being angry about your own situation does not mean a poster is giving you shoddy advice. Not at all.

I think that there is one thing that she isn't understanding....

Yes he has to be served, but NO, you do not need any response whatsoever from him in order to divorce him. As long as you serve him, that's sufficient. It may be adequate to serve him by registered or certified mail.

If you are dealing with an attorney who states that he MUST respond or MUST sign paperwork, then you may have hired an attorney who only handles uncontested divorces....and you may need someone else.

Stymied said:

Again, Ohiogal, you misread my inquiry -- I wasn't dictating anything, I was INQUIRING as to how guardianship -- is it handled differently? --- if there is no contact with a foreign parent.

In a roundabout way you finally answered my question ---how abandonment (if there is abandonment) might affect guardianship. The answer to guardianship: "...the child has not been abandoned because daddy is paying child support..."

Okay, so what about the marriage? How do I get a divorce from a foreign husband who has stopped all communication?

Also, an interesting sidenote --- AU (like the British) child support agencies are separate from the courts. The paying parent isn't requested to make a contribution. He is assessed by the agency which has direct acces to the AU-IRS (equivalent) and billed w/o any legal proceedings in place. Pay checks can be debited, tax returns seized -- all to pay back child support .... While the calculation is low being offset by the custodial parents' income, I do admire how accessible and friendly their system is.

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Child support here does the same thing. They work separate from the courts in a lot of ways. They can set child support and garnish wages. Ifyou want a deviation that requires court but child support agencies here do set support, garnish pay checks and seize tax returns. Also many states use BOTH parents' incomes when determining child support. Which is not unique to Australia. You may want to double check and make sure Illinois only uses the NCPs income and not yours as well.

Ohiogal said:

You may want to double check and make sure Illinois only uses the NCPs income and not yours as well.

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Illinois uses a set % of the NCPs income based on the number of children.

CJane said:

Illinois uses a set % of the NCPs income based on the number of children.

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I wasn't sure. Which is why I told her to check. However the other to consider is if AU already set child support, the US may honor it. And she has to disclose that he is paying it. So she may not have the option of shopping around.

Ohiogal said:

I wasn't sure. Which is why I told her to check. However the other to consider is if AU already set child support, the US may honor it. And she has to disclose that he is paying it. So she may not have the option of shopping around.

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Oh... yeah.

And, with the free flights that she mentioned in her other posts... she can probably count on dad eventually expressing an interest in the kid and her being forced to let him spend his summers (winters) in Australia... no?

CJane said:

Oh... yeah.

And, with the free flights that she mentioned in her other posts... she can probably count on dad eventually expressing an interest in the kid and her being forced to let him spend his summers (winters) in Australia... no?

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Yep. That is very likely that the child would have to spend our summers/their winters with dad. This child has two parents. Mom needs to remember that and not be surprised when the court does give him visitation when he asks.

New Twist

Rather ironic that just last night the Child Support Agency in Australia phoned me to inform me that my estranged husband has left Australia, reportedly permanently.

According to their immigration department, he's left on a Visa and stated his intentions of remaining out of the country indefinitely. They are not allowed to tell me where he has gone, but informed me that the country is a "non-complying" country -- and they doubt any further child support will be forthcoming. In fact, in about six months they will close out my account altogether after deciding he is no longer a resident of Australia and out of their jurisdiction. Child support will cease to be assessed. Periodically (or at my request) they will check Aussie immigration/irs/bank records to see if he has returned -- at which time they can reopen my account.

I understand that nuances are lost on message boards --- however, not one of my posts has been an attempt to thwart visitation, to "double" dip any CS agency or to deny my estranged husband his parental rights. My messages have been posted based on "what if ... " What if I never hear from this man again? What if I can't find him in the world? What if I die -- what happens to my child if they can't locate his father?

I have been BEGGING this man to be part of this beautiful baby's life -- to come and visit, to invite us over, to send him a card or photos. I keep in touch with 85 yro grandparents in AU, chat with his sister, and regularly send photos to everyone. I am working hard to preserve the Aussie side of the family for this baby.

My greatest hope is that the man comes to his senses down the road and steps back into this child's life.