I am 31 yrs old Mexican/American (non practicing catholic). I'll be 32 in March. He is a 35 years old successful Jewish (non practicing too) he was born in the states. I lived at my parents till I was 27 yrs. old. I then relocated to California because I was dating a guy who lived out there. I had been dating him for 3 years, 1 1/2 was long distance. We (me & my x) decided that we were going to live together. I told him I would live with him for 2 years and if by then he wasn't ready to commit, I was going to move back. Well, I end up living w/him for 3 1/2 yrs with no kind of commitment. Five month before I met my H, I decide that it was time for me to make the move back home. During that time I met him (my husband). I think the main reason why my H doesn't trust me is because of how we met. I was still living with my x when I started dating him. Our relationship went forward rather quickly. We dated long distance for about 5 months (saw each other maybe 4 weekends). One month after my return to the Midwest we were engaged. I knew we were going to get engaged. I just didn't know it was going to take place that soon. We talked about getting engaged in 3 months not one month later. Our plan was to get married 11 months later, but the place where we wanted to have the reception wasn't avail. We then moved up the wedding 5 months (which was a mistake). So we met, dated, were engaged in total of 11 months. The month before the wedding, the wedding was called off 5 times. Sometime I wish I ‘d been strong enough to stick to my decision back then.
I guess he was like this before we got married. His demands were about spending time together or him controlling my money. Yes, I let him handle my money even before we got married.
I have asked him to listen to or watch Dr. Phil on TV. I have asked him for us to seek counseling. He refuses to seek for any kind of help. So I decided to go to counseling on my own. I’ve seen her a couple times. I don’t know if it’s helped me much. I fee as though he needs to be there in order for it to work. The counselor is someone whom I can talk to when I need to.
When I bring up the issues I have with him, he tries to blame me for what’s going on. I accept the fact that I am part at fault, but he is more at fault then I am and can't accept it. His solution is for us to go our separate ways instead of giving in and save our marriage. I really do hate to think about divorce. I want us to resolve our issues but it can't happen without him wanting the same.
Well, now that he doesn’t need me to sign waivers of homestead, he doesn’t need to be nice anymore. New Years eve, we were getting ready to go to his sisters. So, I said to him "lets go rey" (meaning "let go king"). He asked me what that meant and I told him. His response was somewhere in the effect of "I'm glad you finally realized it". Meaning I'm glad you accept the fact that I'm the king. Well, I then decided to take back what I said. He got all upset with me, because I took it back. Then he wanted an apology from me for taking it back. I apologized for calling him a king and for taking it back. That wasn’t good enough for him. I told him I took back what I said because of the comment he made and his cocky attitude. He said that wasn’t his intension. We didn't wish each other a happy new year went to bed at 11:30 and that was that. The next day he said 2000 was the worst year of his life and I agreed I told him it was the worst for me too. I also told him it was worst then when I was living in California. He didn't like hearing that. Yesterday, he asked me to go to the grocery store for him (to get food for his dinner). I complained because I was home in my pajamas, with this weather I don't care to go out after I am home comfortable. I told him he should have asked me before I left the office. Anyway, I did end up going to the store for him. He then was upset because when he came home from the gym I hadn't started on his dinner. I told him he didn't ask me to do it. He thinks I am not ready to be a wife. I never want to pick up after him, because I then feel as though he is my master. He thinks the cleaning lady pick up after him (which is not true). I told him how am I suppose to be a wife to him when he doesn't treat me like one either. He hides his passwords to everything and doesn't include me in anything that has to do with finances. Right before he went to bed he came up to the room where I was watching TV and told me he had made a decision. His decision is that we should separate for a month, for me to go home to my moms. He also said that he is moving forward and he is not going back on his decisions anymore. What do you think of this, is he crazy or what? What pissed him off more was the fact that I haven't pickup the messes he’s made in the house the past couple days. I’ve been to upset at him to do it for him, so I’ve had him do it.
I told him “now that I don't have to sign anymore waivers of homestead you have gone back to your normal self”. “There is no reason why you have to be nice to me.” All he said was that I am crazy. I said, "no you are, you just proved me right".
I know I need to get out. What I don’t know is if I should just move all my belonging out or move some things out. There is no room at my mom’s house. Should I ask him to get me a place to stay at? What will happen if I just leave? I’m confused. Please help. I appreciate your concern. I know I'm in a lot of trouble here. I also know that if I was strong enough to leave a 7-year relationship. I can be strong enough to leave this one. It's not what I want, but I can't subject myself to more mental abuse. Thank you all for your replies.