Not sure what I should do next..

What is the name of your state? VA
background on my current situation:
married 3 yrs, 1 child together (2yrs), own a house together, seperated 10 months. he has been a lousy husband (abandonment, adultry, bars, the works) for the first 6 months of separation we had a verbal aggrmt where he kept giving his paycheck, and i paid all of our bills (with anything extra a month toward the credit card debt). as well as i gave him money (any amt any time he wished). we also agreed that we would work this ourselves (to aid in keeping the cost down, and keep it friendly). we both stuck to this aggrmt until i found out that he retained a lawyer (which is also a family friend). and stopped his direct deposit. i offered him the house, he declined. i tried 3 different re-finance deals (where i was offering to pay his cc debt in full and give him 30-60k cash). he declined, said it was not enough money. basically he has admitted to me on numerous occasions that the majority of the cc debt was his (i even have one in an email). the credit card debt consists of 4 cards (3 in his name & 1 joint). the total debt at the time he stopped contributing his pay was around 17k. since then he alone has put around 2k a month on the cards (proof of his spending habits). the total balances are now total over 26k. he has been living with his parents 20 mins away. he had visitation of our son every other weekend and two evenings during the week. he has been fired from 3 different jobs since we seperated and is currently unemployed still living with his parents. i am pretty sure that his parents are paying the cost of the lawyer friend and are the driving force behind his recent actions. we recently sold the joint house, and in the process he ultimately tried to put myself and my two sons homeless not once but twice. the first time i had to beg with the realtor for a couple of weeks to get a place to live lined up. i offered two different realtors and he didnt want to use either. i then begged him for over a month to just choose one. so the one he choose, and was clearly working for him after we got into the negotiation process. i have no family in the area. and basically if he did not sign the aggrmt for the proceeds of the house, i had no other option but to move back with my parents out of state (where he would not be able to see his son very often). so again, he showed his greed and holded out until 3 hrs before the deadline with the title company. basically my current situation is, the aggrmt that he signed only gave me 30k enough for the downpayment to get into my house. he also took 30k, and we put 25k in escrow until an aggrmt is met. he has threatened me on numberous occasions where as i had to change jobs, get a new car (he had a key), change the locks on the house, and currently he made it very clear that he would take his son whenever he pleased. so i pulled him out of his daycare, and am now at a new address (son in a new daycare) where he does not yet know the contact info. i told him that he is welcome to continue visitation as soon as we get SOMETHING in writting. for our sons well being. his attorney is very aggressive and i am sure giving him lots of ideas to fight me. my attorney is pretty much worthless, and i have to fight him and them on everything! he kept telling me to just sign that it sounds like a good offer... but when i decided to hold out (against his wishes), they finally caved and signed the house aggrmt. all four of us met today, and my offer was: me full legal custody, him visitation (every other weekend and one eve a week). i do not think it would be a good idea for joint legal custody because i know he will continue to fight me on every little detail! as well as i would give him 25% of the balance of the cc's at the time he was contributing money, and am asking that he give me 5 months of half of the mortgage, 2k for legal fees (because he broke our verbal aggrmt) and half of a plumbing bill that i paid while he was contributing. they made it very clear that this is in no way acceptable, and that we could just do a temporary custody order so that he could see his son. which he needed to change days around because i moved 40 miles away. they also have lowered his child support 200 a month (they are now proposing 600 a month). they say that they are being generous because he is currently unemployed. but while we were married he made a consistant income of around 55k a year (shouldnt this be taken into consideration?) this is supposed to be written up and signed tomorrow. but if they do what they have done in the past they are going to make some sort of changes, and ask me to sign. i am debating whether i should fire my attorney, not sign anything. and go file to get temporary custody myself. i think that if this was to go before a judge i might have someone on my side. i really do not have anymore $$ to try to get another attorney. i moved to front royal (which is a small town) and i have been told that the judge is very much on the mothers side. i am just unsure that this is my best route to go. any advise would be greatly appreciated!

Paragraphs are your friends... please edit your post.

Oh my eyes!!!!

You definitely need to break that up into about 17 paragraphs if you expect anyone to read it.

OWIE!!!

You Have Major Problems!

auddie69 said:

What is the name of your state? VA
background on my current situation:
married 3 yrs, 1 child together (2yrs), own a house together, seperated 10 months. he has been a lousy husband (abandonment, adultry, bars, the works) for the first 6 months of separation we had a verbal aggrmt where he kept giving his paycheck, and i paid all of our bills (with anything extra a month toward the credit card debt).

You stayed with him and chose this truthfully.

as well as i gave him money (any amt any time he wished).


Isn't that generous of you?

we also agreed that we would work this ourselves (to aid in keeping the cost down, and keep it friendly). we both stuck to this aggrmt until i found out that he retained a lawyer (which is also a family friend). and stopped his direct deposit.

He is allowed to do this. He is also allowed to retain an attorney and he would have been stupid not to. You do not deserve his paychecks. There apparently are NO temporary orders.

i offered him the house, he declined. i tried 3 different re-finance deals (where i was offering to pay his cc debt in full and give him 30-60k cash). he declined, said it was not enough money.

It may not have been enough money depending on the amount the house was worth, how much equity was available and how many other assets exist.
basically he has admitted to me on numerous occasions that the majority of the cc debt was his (i even have one in an email). the credit card debt consists of 4 cards (3 in his name & 1 joint). the total debt at the time he stopped contributing his pay was around 17k. since then he alone has put around 2k a month on the cards (proof of his spending habits).

While you were married it is MARITAL debt. Doesn't matter who spent it. What matters is that both parties were married and hence since it accrued during the marriage it belongs to both of you.

the total balances are now total over 26k.

Which the two of you will be responsible for paying after the divorce.

he has been living with his parents 20 mins away.

So?

he had visitation of our son every other weekend and two evenings during the week.

Based on what since there are no orders? YOu dictating it?

he has been fired from 3 different jobs since we seperated and is currently unemployed still living with his parents. i am pretty sure that his parents are paying the cost of the lawyer friend and are the driving force behind his recent actions.

So what if he lives with his parents? As for being fired from 3 different jobs what are you hoping that shows? Child support can be imputed based on the income he can earn IF he has to pay you and you dont' have to pay him.

we recently sold the joint house, and in the process he ultimately tried to put myself and my two sons homeless not once but twice.

YOUR two sons? WRONG! At least one of these children is his. And how did he ultimately try to put you homeless? Were you not working and contributing to the bills? Because you have a responsibility as well.

the first time i had to beg with the realtor for a couple of weeks to get a place to live lined up.

Actually if your name was o nthe house you would have had to agree with any closing date. You would have had say so so quit blaming your husband for putting you homeless.

i offered two different realtors and he didnt want to use either. i then begged him for over a month to just choose one. so the one he choose, and was clearly working for him after we got into the negotiation process.

Truthfully the realtor works for the owner of the house. And what do you base the "clearly working for him" on?

Click to expand...

i have no family in the area. and basically if he did not sign the aggrmt for the proceeds of the house, i had no other option but to move back with my parents out of state (where he would not be able to see his son very often).

YOU ARE WRONG! He is entitled to have his son with him. You don't get to dictate and you seem to think you do.


so again, he showed his greed and holded out until 3 hrs before the deadline with the title company.

Oh really?

basically my current situation is, the aggrmt that he signed only gave me 30k enough for the downpayment to get into my house. he also took 30k, and we put 25k in escrow until an aggrmt is met.


YOu wanted more than he got? NOw who is greedy? Only 30k? YOu are aware that he is entitled to a portion of your house as you two are still married and hence it is marital property. And still no papers are filed? Lovely. You did inform everyone when you bought your new house that you were married correct?
he has threatened me on numberous occasions where as i had to change jobs,

Did you file a police report?

get a new car (he had a key),

The car was bought during the marriage and hence it was marital property and he is entitled to a key and even to the car actually barring any orders to the contrary. You are disposing of marital property left and right and that doesn't bother you?

change the locks on the house,

The marital home? Doesn't matter. Barring any orders to the contrary he was entitled to enter at any time he wanted.

and currently he made it very clear that he would take his son whenever he pleased.

He can -- he is the child's father. And there are no orders.

so i pulled him out of his daycare, and am now at a new address (son in a new daycare) where he does not yet know the contact info.

Which is against the law. Which is a violation of dad's rights which you seem to be trampling left and right.

i told him that he is welcome to continue visitation as soon as we get SOMETHING in writting. for our sons well being.

Watch dad walk into court and file to temporary custody on the basis that you are HIDING his child from him because he does not have the contact info and that has been kept from him and that you have left the state. Watch the judge award dad temporary custody because of your selfish greedy actions.

his attorney is very aggressive and i am sure giving him lots of ideas to fight me.

Good for his attorney!

my attorney is pretty much worthless, and i have to fight him and them on everything! he kept telling me to just sign that it sounds like a good offer...

No your attorney is probably fed up with your holier than thou attitude where you believe you have more rights than dad and can dictate everything.

but when i decided to hold out (against his wishes), they finally caved and signed the house aggrmt. all four of us met today, and my offer was: me full legal custody, him visitation (every other weekend and one eve a week). i do not think it would be a good idea for joint legal custody because i know he will continue to fight me on every little detail!

HE HAS EVERY RIGHT TO JOINT LEGAL. YOu are not superior to dad. He has every right to have a say so in what happens to HIS child. You are just a little witch. Your visitation idea is selfish and if I were dad I would be taking you back to court for full custody.
as well as i would give him 25% of the balance of the cc's at the time he was contributing money, and am asking that he give me 5 months of half of the mortgage, 2k for legal fees (because he broke our verbal aggrmt) and half of a plumbing bill that i paid while he was contributing.

NO WAY! You are responsible for 50% of the credit card balance. He does not owe you 5 months of the mortgage and 2k for legal fees. Verbal agreements MEAN NOTHING! And the plumbing bill? You got the benefit of the house and the plumbing so therefore you are responsible for all of that.
they made it very clear that this is in no way acceptable,

Good because it is not acceptable in any way shape or form.

and that we could just do a temporary custody order so that he could see his son. which he needed to change days around because i moved 40 miles away.

He still should have asked for full custody because you moved out of state, you hid his child from him with no contact information and have proven that you are selfish and will keep him from seeing his child unless he plays by your rules. Using the children as a pawn is NOT a smart idea.



they also have lowered his child support 200 a month (they are now proposing 600 a month). they say that they are being generous because he is currently unemployed. but while we were married he made a consistant income of around 55k a year (shouldnt this be taken into consideration?) this is supposed to be written up and signed tomorrow.

YOu have no clue how lucky you are. They could impute his income if you can prove it

but if they do what they have done in the past they are going to make some sort of changes, and ask me to sign. i am debating whether i should fire my attorney, not sign anything. and go file to get temporary custody myself. i think that if this was to go before a judge i might have someone on my side.

Actually I would bet dad would win in court based on YOUR actions.Judges do NOT like parents that hide the child from the other parent and dictate things like you have admitted to doing.

i really do not have anymore $$ to try to get another attorney. i moved to front royal (which is a small town) and i have been told that the judge is very much on the mothers side. i am just unsure that this is my best route to go. any advise would be greatly appreciated![/QUOTE]

Actually mom and dad stand equal in front of the law. Hopefully dad files where he lives. Where the child used to live. You are unbelievable. MOthers like you truthfully lose custody for playing games. Dad is entitled to the child just as much as you are. Watch a guardian ad litem be appointed.

What I see is a selfish greedy woman who has stopped at nothing to hide this child. You moved. You changed the child's daycare. You have disposed of marital property (the car) and therefore the new car could also be considered marital property. You did not provide dad with contact information. You refused to let dad see his son. A judge will easily see that as well.