What is the name of your state? Idaho
I'm doing some preliminary research, looking into the legalities of separation while longer term decisions are made.
The trouble is that in addition to abusing alcohol to impairment levels on a nightly basis and smoking cigarettes in the home, risking his, mine and our sons health, he is now adding illegal substances to the mix. He's using "our" money to buy his "casual" stuff, and using it in the home. Last night, he inhaled and held it for so long he fell over - passed out, cracking his head on the floor. He's endangering himself, at the very least. I think that alone crosses the line. This instance begs a whole lot of "what-if's, and I'm scared. In spite of my demand and his assurance that he won't drink while he's home alone with our son, I have come home (from an Al-Anon meeting!) to find him drunk and incomprehensible.
Also, I am a federal employee and absolutely cannot be associated with illegal substance use, wife or not. He is jeopardizing my employment by having it in our home. Or am I jeopardizing it by staying in the home?
I can no longer ignore his behavior and choices without being negligent myself (legally or otherwise), especially as he is a stay at home dad for our son. He steadfastly refuses to acknowledge my demands that he cease and desist with the drugs, let along the drinking. He really believes it isn't a big deal.
The questions I've though of are:
Am I already negligent?
Do I need a lawyer for a separation?
What preparations do I need to make to assure that I will get custody of our son? He seems absolutely sure that because I take anti-depressants, he will have custody.
I am the sole wage earner for the family. Can I expect to pay him maintenance or spousal support? He is able to work, but has chosen to be a stay at home dad for the past 2 years - a decision we made together.
What about child support, in the event of joint custody?
How can I ensure that any visitation/custody will be supervised? I can't have our son alone with him if he won't control his ability to care for our son.
Is separation a legally enforceable action?
Can I keep him out of a home I build for myself and our son? In the past, I have demanded that he leave. He just said NO.
Can I assure that I retain the home we're living in (which his parents financed), so that I may ensure minimum disruptions for our son?
There have been instances of violence in the past. Not physical violence, but smashing cupboard doors and dishes, throwing food, etc., and to hear it told, mental cruelty. As I confided in my mom, she (as I later learned) kept a file of the things I've told her about. How does this play into the mix?
That's all I can think of for now. I do love him, but I can't stay.
Any input is appreciated...obviously this is both overdue, and preliminary.
Thanks
I'm doing some preliminary research, looking into the legalities of separation while longer term decisions are made.
The trouble is that in addition to abusing alcohol to impairment levels on a nightly basis and smoking cigarettes in the home, risking his, mine and our sons health, he is now adding illegal substances to the mix. He's using "our" money to buy his "casual" stuff, and using it in the home. Last night, he inhaled and held it for so long he fell over - passed out, cracking his head on the floor. He's endangering himself, at the very least. I think that alone crosses the line. This instance begs a whole lot of "what-if's, and I'm scared. In spite of my demand and his assurance that he won't drink while he's home alone with our son, I have come home (from an Al-Anon meeting!) to find him drunk and incomprehensible.
Also, I am a federal employee and absolutely cannot be associated with illegal substance use, wife or not. He is jeopardizing my employment by having it in our home. Or am I jeopardizing it by staying in the home?
I can no longer ignore his behavior and choices without being negligent myself (legally or otherwise), especially as he is a stay at home dad for our son. He steadfastly refuses to acknowledge my demands that he cease and desist with the drugs, let along the drinking. He really believes it isn't a big deal.
The questions I've though of are:
Am I already negligent?
Do I need a lawyer for a separation?
What preparations do I need to make to assure that I will get custody of our son? He seems absolutely sure that because I take anti-depressants, he will have custody.
I am the sole wage earner for the family. Can I expect to pay him maintenance or spousal support? He is able to work, but has chosen to be a stay at home dad for the past 2 years - a decision we made together.
What about child support, in the event of joint custody?
How can I ensure that any visitation/custody will be supervised? I can't have our son alone with him if he won't control his ability to care for our son.
Is separation a legally enforceable action?
Can I keep him out of a home I build for myself and our son? In the past, I have demanded that he leave. He just said NO.
Can I assure that I retain the home we're living in (which his parents financed), so that I may ensure minimum disruptions for our son?
There have been instances of violence in the past. Not physical violence, but smashing cupboard doors and dishes, throwing food, etc., and to hear it told, mental cruelty. As I confided in my mom, she (as I later learned) kept a file of the things I've told her about. How does this play into the mix?
That's all I can think of for now. I do love him, but I can't stay.
Any input is appreciated...obviously this is both overdue, and preliminary.
Thanks
