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legal separation or make it final

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Niki_Trinity

Junior Member
What is the name of your state? TN
I have a few questions about legal separation. First here is my situation...
I am 19 and have been with a man who is 25 for 4 years and married one year . Recently he has started staying out all night, using phone sex hotlines, and cheating more or less physically. he ran the phone bill up to 2000 dollars doing these things. through out the marriage he was abusive especially when i was pregnant. we have now separated and i have moved back home(parents) i have been here for about 1 month and a half . he has seen our 6 month old maybe 8 days and has only given 100 dollars to help. he now refuses to see her but says he wants custody. i am a stay at home mom looking for a job now and need opinions about legal separation or divorce....
1) who would get custody if he fights would the fact he hasnt been visiting her mean anything in court.
2) the phone bill was in my name but i have the bill that shows it was his line that ran up the charges can i get him to pay that back since it blew my credit.
3)am i better off separating or divorcing
4)would the court look the abuse when deciding custody if i have witnesses and photos to prove it.
5)would i receive my half of the income tax that he claimed myself and dd on.
i cannot thank those who reply enough. im very scared of what he can or will do and need help fast.What is the name of your state?
 


BelizeBreeze

Senior Member
Niki_Trinity said:
What is the name of your state? TN
I have a few questions about legal separation. First here is my situation...
I am 19 and have been with a man who is 25 for 4 years and married one year . Recently he has started staying out all night, using phone sex hotlines, and cheating more or less physically. he ran the phone bill up to 2000 dollars doing these things. through out the marriage he was abusive especially when i was pregnant. we have now separated and i have moved back home(parents) i have been here for about 1 month and a half . he has seen our 6 month old maybe 8 days and has only given 100 dollars to help. he now refuses to see her but says he wants custody. i am a stay at home mom looking for a job now and need opinions about legal separation or divorce....
1) who would get custody if he fights would the fact he hasnt been visiting her mean anything in court.
He will tell the court you won't allow him to see the child. You will tell the court you do.
2) the phone bill was in my name but i have the bill that shows it was his line that ran up the charges can i get him to pay that back since it blew my credit.
Not until you get a divorce and then only at most 1/2 since it's a marital debt.
3)am i better off separating or divorcing
That's a personal decision.
4)would the court look the abuse when deciding custody if i have witnesses and photos to prove it.
Sure, just show them the police reports and the photos you had taken when you went to the hospital for treatment.
5)would i receive my half of the income tax that he claimed myself and dd on.
That is a decision for the court.
i cannot thank those who reply enough. im very scared of what he can or will do and need help fast.What is the name of your state?
if you need help fast then make an apointment with a local attorney.
 

Niki_Trinity

Junior Member
i can prove that he said that he wasnt coming to see her. he even said in front or both of our families that he wanted a boy and that all she did was get on his nerves. i know he would never fight me for her because he wants her only out of spite. i wonder about the other things but the only thing i care about is my daughter. i dont feel like she is safe with him. he has started hanging back with his old friends. by old i mean old drug buddies who i like an idiot believed that he no longer had contact with. he left me one night at home with a sick baby and no car to be with them that is why we are separated right now. i have the recorded convorsations of him telling or should i say yelling that he was NOT coming home for any reason that i should just call someone else, so i did. then he had the nerve after his parents told him i had to take her to the hospital to ask just how sick she was. this has to prove something about his character.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
Niki_Trinity said:
What is the name of your state? TN
I have a few questions about legal separation. First here is my situation...
I am 19 and have been with a man who is 25 for 4 years and married one year . Recently he has started staying out all night, using phone sex hotlines, and cheating more or less physically. he ran the phone bill up to 2000 dollars doing these things. through out the marriage he was abusive especially when i was pregnant. we have now separated and i have moved back home(parents) i have been here for about 1 month and a half . he has seen our 6 month old maybe 8 days and has only given 100 dollars to help. he now refuses to see her but says he wants custody. i am a stay at home mom looking for a job now and need opinions about legal separation or divorce....
1) who would get custody if he fights would the fact he hasnt been visiting her mean anything in court.
Its not very likely that he would get custody if you have been her primary caretaker. That is the most important issue.

2) the phone bill was in my name but i have the bill that shows it was his line that ran up the charges can i get him to pay that back since it blew my credit.
You can ask the judge to make him responsible for that debt. However, if he doesn't pay it you are still going to be stuck with it since its in your name.

3)am i better off separating or divorcing
Why prolong the agony? Just get a divorce.

4)would the court look the abuse when deciding custody if i have witnesses and photos to prove it.
If he hasn't abused the child it might not have much impact. It really depends on the judge.

5)would i receive my half of the income tax that he claimed myself and dd on.
Hon, that money is likely long gone.


You need to realize that if he fights for it he is likely to get a minimum of joint legal custody (joint decision making) with a phased in parenting schedule that will take your child's age into consideration.
 

BelizeBreeze

Senior Member
Niki_Trinity said:
i can prove that he said that he wasnt coming to see her. he even said in front or both of our families that he wanted a boy and that all she did was get on his nerves. i know he would never fight me for her because he wants her only out of spite. i wonder about the other things but the only thing i care about is my daughter. i dont feel like she is safe with him. he has started hanging back with his old friends. by old i mean old drug buddies who i like an idiot believed that he no longer had contact with. he left me one night at home with a sick baby and no car to be with them that is why we are separated right now. i have the recorded convorsations of him telling or should i say yelling that he was NOT coming home for any reason that i should just call someone else, so i did. then he had the nerve after his parents told him i had to take her to the hospital to ask just how sick she was. this has to prove something about his character.
And how many times have you said, whether or not seriously, that you wished you could have a night to yourself. Nothing you have posted here is anything but she said/she said. Character (yours OR his) mean nothing unless it directly affects the childs well-being and/or safety.

Do you honestly think a judge, any judge, hasn't heard this stuff 1,000s of times before?
 

Niki_Trinity

Junior Member
thanks

thank you all for the advice. now i just have to get my ducks in a row. i have all the recordings, photos( bruising from him ), written letters from him(threats) and so on toghether. his parents are on my side as they believe he is on drugs. i guess this all would of been easier if i would of listened to my parents when i was 16( they placed statutory rape charges against him) anyways thank you all I'm going to find a lawyer today i hope.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
Niki_Trinity said:
thank you all for the advice. now i just have to get my ducks in a row. i have all the recordings, photos( bruising from him ), written letters from him(threats) and so on toghether. his parents are on my side as they believe he is on drugs. i guess this all would of been easier if i would of listened to my parents when i was 16( they placed statutory rape charges against him) anyways thank you all I'm going to find a lawyer today i hope.
If his parents are on your side and actually willing to testify on your behalf, that helps enormously, however his chances (as long as you have an attorney) weren't very good to start with since you have been the primary caretaker for the child.
 

CJane

Senior Member
LdiJ said:
If his parents are on your side and actually willing to testify on your behalf, that helps enormously, however his chances (as long as you have an attorney) weren't very good to start with since you have been the primary caretaker for the child.

This isn't always true, though I know 'we' tend to assume that it is, or wish that it were.

I was a stay-at-home mom for the last 5+ years of my marriage. For my youngest daughter's entire life, and most of my oldest's (she was 3 when I quit working). I was told, in no uncertain terms, that it meant NOTHING at all in our county that I had been staying home, and been the children's primary caregiver. I had medical records showing that he'd NEVER attended a single dr's appointment, that when the oldest had surgery, he did not attend, that the two ER trips that we'd made he had not gone to, etc. It made no difference at all in the original divorce, nor in the modification.

In my area, at least, the 'primary caregiver' is given no preference, as it's assumed that at least one parent has to work in order to support the family, and that parent should not be penalized for doing so.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
CJane said:
This isn't always true, though I know 'we' tend to assume that it is, or wish that it were.

I was a stay-at-home mom for the last 5+ years of my marriage. For my youngest daughter's entire life, and most of my oldest's (she was 3 when I quit working). I was told, in no uncertain terms, that it meant NOTHING at all in our county that I had been staying home, and been the children's primary caregiver. I had medical records showing that he'd NEVER attended a single dr's appointment, that when the oldest had surgery, he did not attend, that the two ER trips that we'd made he had not gone to, etc. It made no difference at all in the original divorce, nor in the modification.

In my area, at least, the 'primary caregiver' is given no preference, as it's assumed that at least one parent has to work in order to support the family, and that parent should not be penalized for doing so.

Who told you that? That really horrible attorney that you had in the beginning? If so, consider the source. After all, that's the same attorney that convinced you to sign that retarded original agreement.
 

BelizeBreeze

Senior Member
There is NOTHING in MISSOURI (or any other state) statutes stipulating that a 'primary caregiver' is to get preferential treatment during a custody hearing in any court.

Now let's see if Ldji can provide any citation for this ridiculous statement.:rolleyes:
 

Niki_Trinity

Junior Member
im okay with him having visitations i would like him to straighten up and be part of our daughters life. i just dont trust him with her on his own and i know that its my word against his, but i just want what is best for my dd.from what he told me this morning he is with someone else now( she has a little boy a few months younger) and is helping her therefore has no time for dd. so maybe i will be able to get this over with without a big fight. i just feel bad for dd because she is the one who will suffer from our actions(separaion/divorce).
 

ceara19

Senior Member
Has FA's favorite "poster child" been heard from lately? The longer this drivel goes on the more it sounds like you-know-who?
 

CJane

Senior Member
LdiJ said:
Who told you that? That really horrible attorney that you had in the beginning? If so, consider the source. After all, that's the same attorney that convinced you to sign that retarded original agreement.

Not just that attorney. All three of the attornies that I've had have reminded me that being a stay-at-home mom is largely ignored by the judges in our area/state. It's NOT something that judges will consider very heavily when deciding primary residency.
 

Niki_Trinity

Junior Member
i am not something poster child this is my real situation and that is that i thank all of the ones who helped i will consider all your advice when i file. i have set up a consultation and will go from there.
 

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