Dating at work - not recommended!

What is the name of your state? New York

My sister-in-law is an attractive 25 year old receptionist ('Heather') at a large company. Several months ago a 38 year old product engineer ('Ralph') pursued her, while engaged to another woman. He ended the engagement and they've been dating for several months.

The relationship hasn't been a healthy one, with family not approving due to his controlling nature and negative influence on her self esteem. Recently, after seeing Ralph's decidedly friendly nature with other women, Heather went out with a group of friends, had too much to drink, and ended up kissing a random barfly. A manager at the company she works at happened to be there, and happened to see this.

The next day, the manager told a few coworkers as well as Ralph about what he had seen. Ralph confronted Heather, who admitted her actions. He then began 'spreading the word', so-to-speak, to the rest of the building. She's now been labelled ... well, "that girl" by every other employee she interacts with. The impact on her emotional state has been severe.

We've been telling her to just quit, however she has a recently discovered medical condition that will require expensive treatment; therefore, the medical insurance her employer provides is crucial. She's also been with this company for some time, and is unsure of being able to find a comparable position quickly.

Is she stuck at this job where she has to be in constant contact with this Ralph character and endure the humiliation of a building of employees that see her in such a negative light?

I realize my opinion isn't exactly objective, but 'Heather' is a wonderful person with a large heart, and truly deserves better than the poor choices she made a few months ago when she agreed to date the fool that has done nothing but damage her emotionally and professionally. We're not a litigious group and are unsure of any legal recourse we may have.

Thank you for any advice.

Whom do you plan to sue because your 25 year old sister law is dating a cad and behaves inappropriately? She is an adult and responsible for her own behavior, including her choice in men, drinking too much, drinking too much with co-workers, and kissing a stranger.

She hasn't been illegally sexually harassed. I don't know what "word he's spreading," but she's not sexually harassed because he's discussing her behavior, sexual or otherwise. It only becomes potentially illegally harassing if he makes egregious or pervasive statements of a sexual nature in the presence of someone who considers them offensive and unwelcome.

I think it is ridiculous to suggest that she leave a good job. She needs to work to overcome whatever her boyfriend reported, improve her reputation, and regain her self-esteem. Those are not insurmoutable tasks. Sometimes a bad experience with the attendant unpleasant consequences is the best teacher. I suspect she knows what she has to do, but if she doesn't, you can't order her world for her.

Quite frankly, given the promiscuous society in which we live, I'm surprised anybody at her work really cares about her behavior. And, given what you say about her boyfriend, I doubt anyone is surprised or cares about his behavior either. Of course, they may question her judgment in men, but they probably wondered about that when she started dating the guy.

She has no legal way to remedy this situation. Her personal options are as follows:

A. Stay with the company and endure the gossip so that she can access her benefits; or

B. Leave the company to avoid the gossip, and forgo her benefits.