No Help From The Judge!

I live in Florida. I've been married for 14 years to a physically, verbally, & emotionally abusive man. We have 2 children - 8 and 11. They are being hurt by all this emotionally and the house is full of tension. I successfully went to a shelter and got a restraining order 4 years ago and moved out, but I foolishly let him come back because he convinced me he had "changed." Now it is 4 years later and I have gotten a 2nd restraining order on him - (only a temporary one that only lasted 2 weeks). When we went back to court so I could get a permanent restraining order, my husband said I was mentally unstable and that I was using the court system for my own gains. He also gave his cellular phone to the judge on which he had saved three telephone calls from me during the two week separation. I shouldn't have called him, but I just wanted him to call me back so we could talk about dividing up property, etc. I was also distraught to see 14 years of marriage go down the drain and I was crying on most of these calls and begging him to return my calls. He also recorded a call from my mother saying that I was sorry I got the restraining order on him and that I wanted to make up with him and that I wanted him to come back and reconcile. (This was not true - she just said this because my parents are religious fanatics who don't believe in divorce under any circumstances). Anyway, when the judge heard the tape recordings, he threw my case out of court, because he said I would just let my husband come back again like I did the first time. He said I was wasting the court's time and that he would not grant me a permanent restraining order. I know I was very stupid and naive to leave those phone calls on my husband's cell phone and I guess I royally screwed myself. Nevertheless, I think it was unfair of the judge to rule this way; just because I was distraught over the situation, does not mean I am not in danger. He should have ruled in my favor, distraught or not! Now I feel like this has been thrown in my face and I hesitate to do anything else through the courts. I don't know what to do at this point. My husband is very controlling and manupulative and verbally and emotionally abusive. He had stopped the physical abuse, however, after the 1st restraining order. My church does not condone divorce and now I can't seem to get another restraining order. There is only this one judge who handles restraining orders in my area. My husband also says he is continuing to "tape" our conversations in the house. I know he wants to use anything he can to prove I am unfit and mentally unstable so he can get the kids away from me. I don't know if he's actually taping me or just bluffing. I am very scared. Please give me some advice. Thanks.

[Edited by cgriffit on 01-01-2001 at 01:50 PM]