Am I a harasser(sp)?

What is the name of your state? IL
I was written up today for violation of company policy re; sexual harrasment. I recently received (04/09) a new employee as my assistant, I am female, assistant male. We work in a 2 person enviroment. The first encounter with HR stepping in was August, the regional manager came in to guide us thru working thru our fustration with one another. He basically refuses to take direction and training from me, in August he accused me of sexual harrassment because I call everyone hon, sweetie, doll, etc. and that I hug customers. I was advised by my R.M. that I must refrain from this as it made my assistant uncomfortable. I have made and make a very concerted effort to do so. It is just my way of talking with people I have worked with so long and in my everyday life of speaking.I call men and women hon or doll, it is just how I speak. Is this truely sexual harrassment? Of course there is more to the story. But let's start here. I have questions to ask and that need to be answered.
thanks,
pdWhat is the name of your state?

I don't think the accusation of sexual harassment should be your focus. I think that's your assistant's red herring.

Your focus should be on whether the new employee has the mix of skills, work habits, and demonstrated performance to remain as your assistant. You should be assessing his performance and informing him and management of your assessment. You should be documenting his refusal to take direction and training from you and the problems that it is causing for your operation. Hopefully, you had communicated some of that to both the employee and HR/the Regional Manager before his complaint about the terms of endearment you use.

I would recommend that you try to contain your use of those terms. It's been my experience that most people don't like to be called " hon, sweetie, doll." It implies a level of familiarity that's out of place in most business and work environments.

mitousmom said:

I would recommend that you try to contain your use of those terms. It's been my experience that most people don't like to be called " hon, sweetie, doll." It implies a level of familiarity that's out of place in most business and work environments.

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I am very inclined to agree with this.

It is a bad habit, essentially a slouch of the spoken word in a proffessional setting. Not to be harsh, because I sincerely believe you are doing it to be nice, and express your positive feelings to others.

I doubt it is even remotely possible to construe your words as sexual harrassment.

That said your HR dept must take an accusation seriously.

Bite your tongue until upper management finds the spine to fire this guy.

Have a parachute too - look for another better job (in case they are spineless or take his side....)

correct on red herring

Thank you both. Yes I have taken corrective action with in my own actions. And yes this write up is due to my call to HR over my RM. We work in a very unusal enviroment. I am one of less than 15 women in the position, and in 2 in my direct region with an assistant. He actually began with the other female and she couldn't wait to be rid of him.And to futher the problem the RM is bonused on turn over. He has lost 3 employees since May, the first my "old" assist was with us for 5 years, and 1 that was hired 07/05 had to be termed,and a third that came in 04/06 used us for reference. So when my assist quit,I got hers sent to my location because it was closer to his home and RM felt I could mould his behavior to the needs of our company. He is not my first trainee,I have been with the company over 8 years and have traveled and trained all male employees I have not trained 1 female in all this time.As a matter of fact the first female to be hired in my region was just 2 weeks ago since 1999.
mitousmom you are so correct, I do focus on these aspects of what we are there to do.This is what lead to my calling HR in the first place.He just will not take my direction, we have sales and ops manuels that I use daily. But customer interaction is a huge key to our biz. connecting . That part that I cannot connect on is I don't speak Spanish a main reason he was hired. That has not impaired my connecting to all aspects of my job. I guess my next question is although you feel most don't like those terms these are people I have lived life with and become not only customers and clients, they have become friends. We have shared births,deaths,graduations,weddings, etc. When I see these folks how am to behave without telling or saying "it's wrong"? Am I over analyzing? I love my job. What I do and I have been able to experience is not where I ever thought I would be. pd

BTW, I do not agree with Xylene. I think depending on circumstances, it IS possible for calling a co-worker or subordinate, honey, doll, sweetie, etc. CAN be considered harassment.

Intent is not an issue. It IS possible to sexually harass someone without intending to.

cbg said:

BTW, I do not agree with Xylene. I think depending on circumstances, it IS possible for calling a co-worker or subordinate, honey, doll, sweetie, etc. CAN be considered harassment.

Intent is not an issue. It IS possible to sexually harass someone without intending to.

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I agree with you, except it was my reading that the OP was talking about (and the assistant complaining about) how she spoke with customers and clients. "Oh Hi hon, Long time no banking sweetie..."

I find it hard to see how her effusive and boardline unproffessional language to them could amount to sexual harrasment of her assistant.

I could have misunderstood what she ment, and I could be wrong.

I think I may have overread into your statement; I thought you were making an across the board statement about such statements in all circumstances. Sorry if I misunderstood.

However, in the case of our poster, it's not her intent that matters; it's how the recipient perceives it. While I won't go so far as to call it harassment in the circumstances described here, if the recipient views it as offensive, it is offensive, no matter what the poster's intent.

Yes it is with customers, I can tell you that my assist is far from any of those descriptions.I would have thought in the 8 years that I have been there and working with a 95% male demographic this would have surfaced before now.
Again I am making every concerted effort to think before I speak. I have to admit I caught myself a few times and swore at myself. It really is just the way I speak.