Mom won't sign POA

What is the name of your state? New Jersey
My Mother is in her early 80's and is self sufficient and has lived in her home for the past 45 years. She doesn't want to go live with my sister or me. Problem, my Father, who had passed away a few years ago took care of all the bills, he did set up an account for my sisiter and our Mother, so that my sister can make sure the bills are getting paid. My Mother gets her Social Security check, plus other funds that come in that covers her living expenses, maintainance on her home. Financially, there isn't a problem, but she is putting her money in a savings account that is only in her name, and doesn't understand that my sister can't keep paying for things with her credit card and hoping to get reimbursed. She won't sign a POA; I think she is affraid that someone will take her house away. We already spoke to attorney, and he had spoken with my Mother, but she refused to sign the POA or a Will. We are going to try one last time, but I am affraid that we are going to have to go through the court to appoint my sister gaurdian. Can you tell me what the procedure is and how long does it take. What kind of ramifications are their, if any? My sister and I get along. We just want to be able to pay for things that need to be taken care of. Just had a new roof put on the house, and there are a few windows that need to be replaced, property taxes, etc. We are not talking about small items.
Thank you.What is the name of your state?

unless you can prove mom is incompetent, you aren't going to get a court to assign you POA or guardian. You have said nothing that would make one reading it nor did you state you think she is incompetent.

If mom wants to control her own money, is there a reason you do not let her?

It may take leting her prove she cannot take care of herself before you can actually do anything. Maybe you just need to let mom handle her own affairs.

I wonder why you even included the fact that mom would not sign a will. It almost sounds as if there are ulterior motives not disclosed here. While a will would help with any probate situation, it by no means affects what you are dealing with.

Yes, there is a mental problem, and yes, if a couple of doctors do speak with her, they would verify that there is a problem.

lija02 said:

Yes, there is a mental problem, and yes, if a couple of doctors do speak with her, they would verify that there is a problem.

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Then I would think it is in moms best interest to seek a guardianship and POA. I would think that the attorney involved would have seen symptoms of a problem and recommended this action already. If he did not, take that in consideration in making your decision. He's obviously not a doctor but if he deals with elder law, he should be somewhat atuned to problems with the elderly

A "problem" is a far cry from inability to handle ones own affairs. I presume you do mean something of great concern and were only being non-specific. A problem, everybody has those. Mental incapacity is required for what you seek.


I'm still bothered by your inclusion of the refusal to sign a will though. It is irrelevent to this situation and its' inclusion is of concern. There are also limited POA's that would not allow the POA to affect anything regarding the house.

lija02 said:

Yes, there is a mental problem, and yes, if a couple of doctors do speak with her, they would verify that there is a problem.

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Under what theory of law do you assume you have the ability to bully your mother into anything?

First of all, no one is bullying my Mother! You are out and out rude! My question was:
"What are the ramifications if my sister and I go thru the courts?" My Mother survived 4 years in a **** Concentration Camp, it has taken a toll on her. If she gets sick, my sister and I have nothing to say about anything, NOTE: My Mother is in her 80's! Last thing we want is the State to controll what happens to her, and her assests, there is more than enough for her to live a very comfortable life, which, my sister and I are very financially secure ourselves. We don't want the State to ge involved, then things get complicated. So, there is no money issue here, the issue here is the well being of our mother! So, whatever you are thinking you are way off base! One more thing, my sister has paid for the following out of her pocket: 1. a new roof on my mother's house: Cost $15,000; 2. a new furnance $8,500; 3. rewireing of old electric cost $2,000; replacing old major water pipes leaking $1900; and I must not forget the property Tax at a meager amount of $7,000.00. As I said in the beginning, my father took care of everything, my mother doesn't understand that things need to get paid for, she is basically in another time and place.

If your mother's "mental" problems are as advanced as you say, then she CANNOT sign a POA or a will.

If something were to happen, you could then go to the courts and ask for whatever is appropriate and needed.

If sis wants to quit paying for stuff, she needs to do so. Don't pay and then bitch, especially since you are aware of the situation. Let mom deal with the stuff. If she proves herself incompetent, then worry about it. Until that point is reached, she is her own person.

While you do express concerns for your mother, you seem to be jumping the gun. Anything that needs to be done can be done in a relatively short time if needed. You claim you don;t want the state to be involved but you considering court actions would do just that. If you or sis were to be appointed guardian, your actions would be open to the scrutiny of the state.

The bottom line is no one can force your mother to sign anything and a judge isn't going to appoint anyone until there is PROOF that she cannot care for herself. Also know that in many cases when situations like this are taken to court Adult Protective Services are brought in to ensure that the elderly are not being taken advantage of. APS is no better than CPS if you don't want there to be issues.

You say your dad paid the bills while he was alive... that does not mean that mom can't pay her own bills. Personally, if it were me, I'm not sure I would pay them either, seems that everyone thinks mom's an idiot and can't care for herself and she has one up on ya'll.... she's keeping her money and still getting her bills paid.

As someone else pointed out if mom's 'mental' problems are what you say they are the POA would be invalid anyway... and I agree with the person that said the attorney would have caught on. My MIL is diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia as well as other mental disorders... to simply look at her is to know there are issues there and yet her doctors still seem to believe she's competent to make her own decisions. She cannot be forced to sign anything, including a durable POA that only kicks in when she is hospitalized.

Just want to thank everyone for their input. This has been very interesting!