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Asked to be executor of friend's estate

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Meadowlark33

Junior Member
What is the name of your state? NJ

:confused: A long time friend who used to be my art teacher in high school recently requested to get together with me over dinner. She's in her late 60's, is at least 10-12 years older than me, never married, and has no children. She confided to me that she's just recently had a falling out with her two nephews (her sister's children) over the treatment of their mother who is in her 70's and in frail health (they want her to vacate her apartment in the Manhattan to live closer to them in Staten Island), of which her sister told her in private she is dead-set against - but too intimidated to admit to her sons, who are (in my friend's words, "strong-willed", and "sure they know what's best for mom"). Apparently they all had a meeting about this and it turned very ugly after both my friend and her nephews wrestled for Power of Attorney. My friend can contest it, but doesn't want to put her sister through the duress of making the required number of appearances in the courts. As a result, she has decided to sever her ties with the nephews and is very adamant about preventing any of her own assets from going to them - should anything happen to her - they being next of kin.
I nearly choked on my sirloin when she asked me (point blank) during dinner if I'd be willing to be her executor and/or power of attorney, as she would rather leave her assets to me in exchange for me taking the responsibilities for making the major decisions for her with regards to her future, health issues, and/or long term care. She knows I've been in a similar position (as an only child) with my own mother in handling her affairs, until her passing 5 years ago. I told her I'd need time to think about it and would also need more information from her elder lawyer - such as more specifics about the responsibilities involved, and such issues as where we'd stand with regard to the transfer of title from her properties with the intent to establish a trust fund for her future needs, if either I or someone else would become the trustee, besides the other benefits - such as improving eligibility requirements for receiving Medicaid, establishing a living will, etc.
My wife says I could be walking into a potential hornet's nest, especially if anything happens to her and I have to deal with her nephews down the road (assuming they would have any say in the matter).
My question is: What are the types of questions I should be asking (her and her Elder Lawyer) in order to gain a broader perspective on what to anticipate (pros vs. cons) down the road in order to avoid any potential and/or unforeseen pitfalls and make the best decision? As far as I know, she has no outstanding debts, owns her house in NJ (although the colony in which she lives owns the land), and a summer home in the Hamptons L.I. I'm uncertain as to whether she's paid off her mortgages, and if she has to abide by the colony's standards if she's in a position where she has to sell her house (i.e., maintenance, repairs, etc.), plus pay for any outstanding property taxes.
I'd appreciate any suggestions regarding what questions I should be asking as well as what I can possibly anticipate before making such a major decision - for her as well as for me. Thank you.
 


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