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I gave birth to a set of twins, 1 being stillborn. Shortly after the birth, I was bombarded by all kinds of questions. Thank heavens I had family to help me make the most difficult decisions anyone could make after a loss of a child. What do we do with her???? Not being from North Carolina and not knowing if we will be living there much long, we were at a stand still. I was then visited by a Decendant Care Rep., I had to sign two pieces of papers one stating that I declined an autopsy (we wanted to remember her the way she was not mangled up), then he asked us what did we want to do with the body (not baby, but body), we said we did not know... he read us several options on a paper that I had to sign 1)to have the body released to a funeral home 2)have body released to the fmaily 3)have Duke Universaty depose of body and ashes not to be release to family. Well right off the bat I said I dont believe in cremation and I dont want that option. He said that Duke provides a service free of charge were they cremate the body and twice a year there was a service were the families are contacted and are allowed to come the service were the ashes would be spread of the garden of Duke, the family (5 of them) said that might be the way to go. I SAID NO!!!

So, then we asked the gentleman if we could think about it and he said sure that he would be back. My family talked to me and made sense of it all that it would be the best thing to do since we did'nt know what to do with her, and she could be with the rest of the children and she may come back as a tulip, tear after tear, I went against everything that I believed in and went for the service, it was best then we would have a place to come back to and so would the family. When the gentleman came back we told him what we wanted to do, and he had me sign the paper that Duke would do the depostion of the body, and then he said we would be contacted when the service would take place. (all of this took place on 5-30-00)

Several long tough months went by, with my surving daughter in the NICU fighting for her life and still the mourning of the loss of her sister. That was tough and it still is the this day. We decided to move back to VA, so I contacted the Decendant Care department, with several messages and none of my calls were returned. I finally dug up the papers that I sign and got the Reps. name and pager number and called it, with in an hour He called me back and I asked him if he knew when the service was going to be and that I wanted to leave a new contact address & #, he took my information and said he would have to look into it and call me back.

Several hours went by and he called me back and said that there must be a misunderstanding becasue I didnt want to have to ashed release to me, and I said yes I know because we were told ( about the service) and he said he was sorry but that service has not been available for some time, I said why were we told that, and he said that some of the nurses arent aware that is not available and they shouldnt have told me (what little did he know, I had to same nurse from day one and she didnt tell us) that and I said she didnt, and I said thank you for your time and I hung up and then I lost it . I felt like a ton of bricks hit me in my stomach, I just lost my daughter all of again.

So the next day I spent several hours, with phone call after phone call try to find someone to help me in that hospital, finally I was in touch with the head of the Decendant Care Department, and I told her what happened and she said that the service had not been available for atleast 5 yrs., and I asked her why was I told and she said she did not know that she would find out, but offered the family a private service at the hospital, and told me in a nice and round about way to get over it and be thankful for what I have, I said I am very thankful and blessed to have what I have, it took my husband and I 5 tries to get our living daughter, but there is no excuse for what has been done to us and there is no resting place for her. She told me to think about the service and she would get back with me. Well no more than 24 hrs. later she was calling me back wanting to know what I have decided and I said that is not something that I can make a decision over night, I want to feel comfortable with what we are going to be doing this time around, with no misrepensentation. Then I asked her were is my baby, she answered my question with, anytime you need to talk day or night dont hesitate to call me, and I said thanks and good bye.

And not a word since

I would like to know if this is a case and what route should I go about persuing it and what type of case is it??
I just cant bare the fact of them getting away with this and how many other families has this been done too, and got away with it.

thanks for your time
stephanie in Va


 


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sorry i didnt realize that, the same people answer everything i thought differnt people specailized in differnt fields
 

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