Child threatened my stepdaughter at school

What is the name of your state? Ohio

My hubby wants to confirm that there is no over-reaction on his part to this situation. My stepdaughter is 9 and in the 4th grade. This event happened on Friday at recess.

One of the teachers called my hubby on Friday afternoon to tell him a child in my stepdaughter's class threatened to "murder" her on the playground. She said the school sent the child home for the day, the principal was out, and upon the principal's return, they would decide the punishment and get back to my husband on their decision of how they were going to handle the situation. There was no return call on Friday. Hubby's ex-wife works second shift and offered to go into the school first thing Monday morning (today) and personally speak with the principal ~ deciding that both were not going to allow their daughter to return to school until the boy who threatened her was AT MINIMUM, removed from her class (they share a class, there are 4 different/total classes in her grade). The principal has decide to suspend the boy for one week and allow him to return to the same classroom, moving him across the class away from her. The principal stated that no good would come out of moving his class, because it happened at recess. She also stated that they were well aware of this boy's behavioral issues, and that "every single teacher who is employed here keeps a close eye on him at all times".

Upon speaking with my stepdaughter on Friday after school, she informed us of her side of the story, which includes the boy threatening to bring a gun to school AFTER he was in trouble for threatening to "murder" her. The teacher did not mention the weapon. Hubby told principal of additional threat, asking if child is regularly checked for weapons, drugs, etc. Principal stated, "yes, everyday". Hubby and ex-wife are NOT satisfied with reaction from the school, and he has contacted the superintendant. Called at 1pm, no return call today. Hubby is taking child to the police tomorrow, realizing this SHOULD have been the very first thing he did. He called them, but did not bring child into make a statement.

Should he ask for a restraining order from the city for his daughter, against this child? Is that asking too much or should a report just be filed? They don't believe this punishment is harsh enough. They are trying very hard to co-parent together and made great progress in the last 8 months in providing a united front, and both absolutely are in agreement that this kid should not be around stepdaughter after making this type of threat to her! They are both in agreement that their daughter should not have to worry about her safety at school! Especially since the police, principal, teachers and even the superintendant are being notified. My hubby just isn't sure if restraining orders can be filed against minors, this young of a child, how it would effect the parents, etc. We all feel very bad for this kid, who is obviously very troubled, but his job as a parent is to protect HIS daughter. Not to mention, what type of message is it sending to the boy, if the worst punishment is to be off school for a week. In this day, one can never be too cautious when approaching these matters, but what age is considered too young to impose hefty consequences? Thanks in advance for your time.What is the name of your state?

A city doesn't provide restraining orders. A judge determines that.

moburkes said:

A city doesn't provide restraining orders. A judge determines that.

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Thanks, should he ask for one was the question I was trying to ask.

He should file a criminal complaint against the child explaining the situation. He should also file for a restraining order on behalf of his child against the other child. He might also consider contacting the prosecutor at juvenile court regarding the incident and filing a complaint with his/her office. He should also not worry about the other parents per se. It is his duty to protect his child. If they investigate and find out the parents of this child know about this chlid's attitude and have refused to get help, the child will be put under CSB protective supervision and the parents will be FORCED to get help for their child.

Ohiogal said:

He should file a criminal complaint against the child explaining the situation. He should also file for a restraining order on behalf of his child against the other child. He might also consider contacting the prosecutor at juvenile court regarding the incident and filing a complaint with his/her office. He should also not worry about the other parents per se. It is his duty to protect his child. If they investigate and find out the parents of this child know about this chlid's attitude and have refused to get help, the child will be put under CSB protective supervision and the parents will be FORCED to get help for their child.

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Thank you, OG!!! I don't think any of this sounds too severe, but the school is acting as though suspending him for a week is punishment enough. If it were an adult threatening an adult in this manner, no doubt a RO would be filed and granted! I'll keep you posted on what the police say when we see them this afternoon.

Good Lord.

Restraining orders against nine year olds.

Just when I thought society couldn't get any more bizarre.

Hell, why not? We've already got "zero tolerance" policies that expel kids for bringing plastic butter knives to school to cut cake.

When are the government-mandated head-to-toe Nerf-suits for kids coming? I mean, we've got to protect kids from every conceivable hazard, right?

We have to protect kids from very skinned knee, every incident of hurt feelings, every disappointment, every kid-to-kid argument, every empty threat, and every unfulfilled promise. Because kids aren't capable of handling stuff on their own.

When we do that, what kind of kids are we producing?

I'm with you, Curt. I ABSOLUTELY see the difference between a threat made by a child and a threat made by an adult - and I live near the Success Tech School that just had the shooting by the 14 year old.
If every single solitary statement that is made is deemed a credible threat, I can't imagine that we'll be able to have our children GO to school.

9th graders hate each other on a daily basis.

Curt581 said:

Good Lord.

Restraining orders against nine year olds.

Just when I thought society couldn't get any more bizarre.

Hell, why not? We've already got "zero tolerance" policies that expel kids for bringing plastic butter knives to school to cut cake.

When are the government-mandated head-to-toe Nerf-suits for kids coming? I mean, we've got to protect kids from every conceivable hazard, right?

We have to protect kids from very skinned knee, every incident of hurt feelings, every disappointment, every kid-to-kid argument, every empty threat, and every unfulfilled promise. Because kids aren't capable of handling stuff on their own.

When we do that, what kind of kids are we producing?

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Excuse me, but this child threatened to bring a gun to school and kill my stepdaughter. Have you watched the news lately? It happens. Hell, a 6 year old (yep, I said 6) brought a gun to school in my area. And I live in a pretty upper-middle class area of central Ohio. This isn't a simple "conceivable" hazard. This is a child threatening to MURDER my step-child. I seem to remember some people taking the threats of the VT shooter lightly...look what happened. This isn't a butter knive issue, nor can you can compare it to a "skinned knee". You're damn right we're going to go to the EXTREME lengths to protect her! She's freaking 9, the LAST thing she should have to worry about at school, is her safety.

Thanks for the compassion. I truly appreciate it.

moburkes said:

I'm with you, Curt. I ABSOLUTELY see the difference between a threat made by a child and a threat made by an adult - and I live near the Success Tech School that just had the shooting by the 14 year old.
If every single solitary statement that is made is deemed a credible threat, I can't imagine that we'll be able to have our children GO to school.

9th graders hate each other on a daily basis.

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Ok, so your suggestion is to WAIT to see IF he possibly does anything? Hmmm, interesting. Wonder if you'd feel that way if it was your own kid. Probaby the same as the parents of the boy who is threatening her. Like it is no big deal. Consequences to your words and actions is what we should be teaching these kids.

Once again...NO CHILD should fear their safety in school. And how do I explain to my 9 year old stepdaughter, that the boy basically gets a week vacation from school as punishment, and that's it? She already has issues focusing due to having ADD. And now she gets to worry if little (psycho) Johnny who has EXTREME documented medical issues, is going to hurt her when she turns her back. Lovely.

I spoke with my aunt who has been an educator in Columbus Public for over 30 years. She stated they have schools in this area for children who have these type of behavioral issues. That is where he belongs. Not with other children who are trying to learn and live their childhood. The attention this kid is receiving b/c of his acting out (and this is not the first time he has threatened to kill a student), is taking away from the other kids who need it for LEARNING. I believe his behavior is a bit extreme compared to other children.

I'm with the, "this is an overreaction," group. I'd be concerned to the point where I'd call the school and express my views. I'd ask to be reassured that my child is in a safe environment. Then I'd move on. I definitely wouldn't call the cops over something a 9 year old said.

When I was a kid, "I'm going to kill you," was a common kid to kid threat. We'd all have gone to juvie if our parents flipped out every time.

enjay said:

I'm with the, "this is an overreaction," group. I'd be concerned to the point where I'd call the school and express my views. I'd ask to be reassured that my child is in a safe environment. Then I'd move on. I definitely wouldn't call the cops over something a 9 year old said.

When I was a kid, "I'm going to kill you," was a common kid to kid threat. We'd all have gone to juvie if our parents flipped out every time.

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I believe the term he used was Murder, and my 8 year old (my daughter) had no idea what that even meant. I can honestly say that I have never threatened to kill someone, as a child.

Did you not see the part where he actually said he was going to bring a gun to school? I guess that is acceptable as well? It's actually ironic b/c out of all the different people my hubby has talked with, the principal is the only one who thinks that the punishment is enough...oh, and the group of people here. (thank you OG for providing legal options instead of giving your "I think you're overreacting opinion").

You're not required to like our opinions.

Most of you obviously do not have children so this doesn't seem like a big deal to you...OR if you have children you just don't give a **** about their safety. You are NOT over-reacting in this matter if this kid has threatened her not once but twice then he needs to be dealt with. If the schools, police, or this kids parents won't do anything then go to the news.

ajritter04 said:

Most of you obviously do not have children so this doesn't seem like a big deal to you...OR if you have children you just don't give a **** about their safety. You are NOT over-reacting in this matter if this kid has threatened her not once but twice then he needs to be dealt with. If the schools, police, or this kids parents won't do anything then go to the news.

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Oh please. We all love our kids. I'm not the type of parent who flips out every time my son has a verbal altercation with someone. During elementary school, I would have called the school. If this happened when he was in high school, my reaction would be different.

kik1999 said:

Excuse me, but this child threatened to bring a gun to school and kill my stepdaughter. Have you watched the news lately? It happens. Hell, a 6 year old (yep, I said 6) brought a gun to school in my area. And I live in a pretty upper-middle class area of central Ohio. This isn't a simple "conceivable" hazard. This is a child threatening to MURDER my step-child. I seem to remember some people taking the threats of the VT shooter lightly...look what happened. This isn't a butter knive issue, nor can you can compare it to a "skinned knee". You're damn right we're going to go to the EXTREME lengths to protect her! She's freaking 9, the LAST thing she should have to worry about at school, is her safety.

Thanks for the compassion. I truly appreciate it.

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... and that's what it's all about, right? Compassion? Do it for the kids. No matter how outlandish an idea might be, we have to do it to protect the kids.

That has got to be one of the most disingenuous arguments there is. After all, anybody that disagrees is automatically painted as an evil ogre, because they'll look like they don't care about children.

Instead of going off the deep end with criminal charges and restraining orders, have you considered asking for meeting with the child's parents? Has anyone called them to ascertain whether this child even has access to a firearm?

Just in case I wasn't clear in my first post... Yes, you are over-reacting.