Two nights ago I decided to register for this forum. I had a horrible crisis arise in my famiy that night and I desperately needed help and support. My problem is that I found out from my 7yr old, and it was confirmed by my 14yr. old that the elder of the two had been sexually molesting the younger. The revelation has been devastating. My husband and I found this out well after businesses were closed so there was no seeking out lawyers and more importantly psychiatrists, so I guess online help was the next best thing.
My 14yr, who was 7yr in 2000 was molested in N.M by a neighborhood boy who was around 14 himself when he violated my boy. My husband and I didn't find out about this until about eight months later. We immediately sought help for our son, of course, and would have called the cops on the 14yr, but by then he and his mother had skipped town in a car I had sold her that was not quite paid for.
After a few sessions with the shrink he told us that my boy was fine. After that and for various reasons, depression, anger, low grades in school, etc. we took our son to two more shrinks over the next seven years. We always told the dr. that he had been molested when he was seven, but their findings never included that these symptoms could have been due to the molestations. Their determinations included things like his epilepsy and the meds could be why he's depressed and always daydreaming. And they alway tested him and told us he was borderline low I.Q.( I know for a fact that this is an act on my son's part. He's been busted many times being intelligent, insightful, witty and funny). Even last summer we had him seeing a guy for anger management and I was sure to point out the molestation thing. The shrink didn't seem to think that had anything to do with his problems today.
The day before yesterday, while getting ready for school my 7yr started yelling at my 14yr old that him humping the 7yr old wasn't a dream it was real. I thought this was just another fight between these two and told my 7yr old not to say things like that because they are serious accusations and not to use the word humping like that again in that particular context. He then went to school. My 14yr volunteered to me that he didn't know why 7yr was getting on him like that but he was tired of it.
When my 7yr old got home from school I began my talk to him on what he was saying and how much trouble he could get his older brotherinto, accusing him of sexual molestation, etc. My husband butted in and took the 7yr old aside, talked to him, and came out of the room telling me that he believed what my child was saying. I did't know how to react other than telling him to wait until our other son got home so we could confront him. Well, he got home, we confronted him. He denied it only once then broke down crying and confessing that yes, he had been sexually molesting our 7yr old.
I still had no emotional reaction. I simply told my 14 yr old to get in the car. He was not going to stay in the same house with his little brother. I drove him to his grand parents. The next thing I did was attempt to call the last shrink my 14yr old had seen. I thought I was talking to his secretary, but come to find ourit was some sort of local resource center and that the info I had already disclosed was going to be reported to social services by law.
Since only two days ago my family's life has been changed forever. We knew we needed to report the incident to the police and social services not only because what my older son did is a crime, but because we had to show our seven year old that he was being believed and he absolutely deserved to have the right thing done by him.
As of today, we have had meetings with social services and made shrink appointments for the boys. My older son knows he is in so much trouble! As of yet we still don't know how much. We will do what the law requires and whatever our children need to heal from this as much as is possible. my 14yr will pay his debt to society however the courts decide. And my family will be behind both our boys every step of the way no matter what it takes.
The reason I decided to repost on this forum is two-fold. First, even though I feel like we are the only family that has to go through this I'm sure there are those out there who can give me some advice, support, and help. Secondly I am reposting this because the first time I posted within minutes I got feedback from some person who calls themself baystategir or something like that. Her reaction to my family's problem was, "The moral coach left a long time ago and these parents weren't on it." I figured if this is the kind of feedback that is left on this site, I don't need it. This person has about as much compassion as a piece of tar. I know that I have one hell of a dilemma going on in my family that will change us all for life, but if this witch thinks it all came about because my husband and I are in some way morally lacking, this shallow excuse for a human being needs to pull her holiest crown of thorns out of her pretentious butt and take a look at the world. I will also say that through the many hours I have researched this subject, this soulless wench would do good to do her own research on the issues she comments on instead of taking a worthless dime store paperbacks entitled "Top ten not every amusing quips" and try to play Dr. Laura. So if this baylady is out there sticking her compassionless nose in your posts I'd ignore her. She has nothing of value to add to any post.
My 14yr, who was 7yr in 2000 was molested in N.M by a neighborhood boy who was around 14 himself when he violated my boy. My husband and I didn't find out about this until about eight months later. We immediately sought help for our son, of course, and would have called the cops on the 14yr, but by then he and his mother had skipped town in a car I had sold her that was not quite paid for.
After a few sessions with the shrink he told us that my boy was fine. After that and for various reasons, depression, anger, low grades in school, etc. we took our son to two more shrinks over the next seven years. We always told the dr. that he had been molested when he was seven, but their findings never included that these symptoms could have been due to the molestations. Their determinations included things like his epilepsy and the meds could be why he's depressed and always daydreaming. And they alway tested him and told us he was borderline low I.Q.( I know for a fact that this is an act on my son's part. He's been busted many times being intelligent, insightful, witty and funny). Even last summer we had him seeing a guy for anger management and I was sure to point out the molestation thing. The shrink didn't seem to think that had anything to do with his problems today.
The day before yesterday, while getting ready for school my 7yr started yelling at my 14yr old that him humping the 7yr old wasn't a dream it was real. I thought this was just another fight between these two and told my 7yr old not to say things like that because they are serious accusations and not to use the word humping like that again in that particular context. He then went to school. My 14yr volunteered to me that he didn't know why 7yr was getting on him like that but he was tired of it.
When my 7yr old got home from school I began my talk to him on what he was saying and how much trouble he could get his older brotherinto, accusing him of sexual molestation, etc. My husband butted in and took the 7yr old aside, talked to him, and came out of the room telling me that he believed what my child was saying. I did't know how to react other than telling him to wait until our other son got home so we could confront him. Well, he got home, we confronted him. He denied it only once then broke down crying and confessing that yes, he had been sexually molesting our 7yr old.
I still had no emotional reaction. I simply told my 14 yr old to get in the car. He was not going to stay in the same house with his little brother. I drove him to his grand parents. The next thing I did was attempt to call the last shrink my 14yr old had seen. I thought I was talking to his secretary, but come to find ourit was some sort of local resource center and that the info I had already disclosed was going to be reported to social services by law.
Since only two days ago my family's life has been changed forever. We knew we needed to report the incident to the police and social services not only because what my older son did is a crime, but because we had to show our seven year old that he was being believed and he absolutely deserved to have the right thing done by him.
As of today, we have had meetings with social services and made shrink appointments for the boys. My older son knows he is in so much trouble! As of yet we still don't know how much. We will do what the law requires and whatever our children need to heal from this as much as is possible. my 14yr will pay his debt to society however the courts decide. And my family will be behind both our boys every step of the way no matter what it takes.
The reason I decided to repost on this forum is two-fold. First, even though I feel like we are the only family that has to go through this I'm sure there are those out there who can give me some advice, support, and help. Secondly I am reposting this because the first time I posted within minutes I got feedback from some person who calls themself baystategir or something like that. Her reaction to my family's problem was, "The moral coach left a long time ago and these parents weren't on it." I figured if this is the kind of feedback that is left on this site, I don't need it. This person has about as much compassion as a piece of tar. I know that I have one hell of a dilemma going on in my family that will change us all for life, but if this witch thinks it all came about because my husband and I are in some way morally lacking, this shallow excuse for a human being needs to pull her holiest crown of thorns out of her pretentious butt and take a look at the world. I will also say that through the many hours I have researched this subject, this soulless wench would do good to do her own research on the issues she comments on instead of taking a worthless dime store paperbacks entitled "Top ten not every amusing quips" and try to play Dr. Laura. So if this baylady is out there sticking her compassionless nose in your posts I'd ignore her. She has nothing of value to add to any post.
