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Minor + Adult Relationship

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pinkyskye

Junior Member
What is the name of your state? California

Long story short. I live in Canada, my boyfriend lives in California. I am 16, he just turned 18. Is it against the law for us to see eachother? It is a long distance relationship, and can my parenst stop me? His parents approve. My mother approves. My father does not. He isn't my father on my birth certificate, he has no real evidence he IS my father. He lost custody and gained it back, is there anything he can do? My mother approves though. Can my boyfriend goto Jail? We're doing nothing wrong, no sex. And even if we did, can there be something wrong?

My father wants to call the cops in California. Most people around me says he will get no where, it's a wild goose chase, a random person from Canada calls America to report her daughter seeing a guy who is 18 while she is 16. People around me say it will get no where, he is doing nothing wrong. We are just simply dating, and in Canada it is 4 years difference you can date. I don't know Californian Laws, nor do I know my rights there or his.

Help ASAP would be appreciated, I'm talking to a lawyer tomorrow. But some background info before hand would be nice. This lawyer is Canadian, I seriously DOUBT he knows American laws. A law teacher in my friends school says if one parent doesn't approve it can't happen and he can do something because he is 18, and I have no rights in America. But this is just a Law Teacher I get different responses from everyone.

I have actually go into an argument which got physical and the cops showed up. They first said to him "She can date whoever she wants". Second, "We can't stop you from seeing him. You're 16, you can leave anytime you want". I don't know if they realized he is 18, and I do think they know because he did yell he was 18.

I have a flight to see him after Christmas. Would it look bad if he picked me up from the airport or should his mother come?

Thanks in advanced!
 


pinkyskye

Junior Member
& in Canada, at 16 we can leave, be kicked out, etc etc. The law teacher also said if the child is under Parental Control, the parent can do something. But then again, my father is a drugged alcoholic, he was stoned and drunk whent he cops came. He has a bad record already with many assaults and even an assault with a weapon. I can say one word to get in jail. He has threatened to kill me, and I'm always asked by social workers if I feel safe at home. I will speak up if I must. He's never acted so crazy I am actually pretty scared he might just kill me. I want him out of my life if he attempts to stop me from going. Also I was told the cops here can't do anything because I am old enough, but the ones in California might be able to do something? Can my mothers approval be more stronger than my fathers diaproval because I legally live with her and she has control over what I do, in school my father cannot access my records or anything and it says he does not have custody.

The only problem I think I am getting, is the fact that he always ALWAYS mistakenly says I'm 15. Making me a child. I am still a child if I'm 16, but I am able to leave.

So what do you guys think?

Sorry my story is very long and complicated, the lawyer I am speaking to, is the lawyer he contacted. All the lawyer said was "get in touch with the cops in California". I must speak to him about this.

Help is very much so appreciated.
 

CdwJava

Senior Member
Long story short. I live in Canada, my boyfriend lives in California. I am 16, he just turned 18. Is it against the law for us to see eachother?
"See"? No problem. Have sex, fondle, grope, or fool around, yes - big problem.

It is a long distance relationship, and can my parenst stop me?
I don't know what Canadian law says about this.

But, if you run away from home to the US you can expect to be picked up, and your boyfriend and his family to possibly be arrested.

To stay here you have to be legally here, and you have to be registered in school. A 16 year old shacking up with her adult boyfriend will only potentially get him and his family in loads of trouble.

Can my boyfriend goto Jail? We're doing nothing wrong, no sex. And even if we did, can there be something wrong?
Quite possibly.

You're going to drop out of school to come down here and stay?

NOT a brilliant plan!

I don't know Californian Laws, nor do I know my rights there or his.
You don't have a right to shack up and stay out of school. And without proper papers you would not be able to get medical treatment or access services. Is your mom going to pay for medical care? Is she going to provide papers granting this guy effective custody of you? Do you really think anyone will believe the two of you are NOT having sex if you are living together?

The age of consent in California is 18. UNDER 18 you are considered a minor.

Your father can make a lot of problems for you here whether he is on the birth certificate or not.


- Carl
 

pinkyskye

Junior Member
"See"? No problem. Have sex, fondle, grope, or fool around, yes - big problem.


I don't know what Canadian law says about this.

But, if you run away from home to the US you can expect to be picked up, and your boyfriend and his family to possibly be arrested.

To stay here you have to be legally here, and you have to be registered in school. A 16 year old shacking up with her adult boyfriend will only potentially get him and his family in loads of trouble.


Quite possibly.

You're going to drop out of school to come down here and stay?

NOT a brilliant plan!


You don't have a right to shack up and stay out of school. And without proper papers you would not be able to get medical treatment or access services. Is your mom going to pay for medical care? Is she going to provide papers granting this guy effective custody of you? Do you really think anyone will believe the two of you are NOT having sex if you are living together?

The age of consent in California is 18. UNDER 18 you are considered a minor.

Your father can make a lot of problems for you here whether he is on the birth certificate or not.


- Carl

You talk alot about me out of school. I am a full time student, lol. It's chrsitmas break starting today, and I come back before the break ends, I'm going for a week. His mother said for my mom to sign a form that she will take care of me if any medical issues need to be ressolved. Is that enough? I call the airlines on what to do, they know nothing I say I am 16, and the airlines I'm going with, they get their answers from a book so they don't know how to answer me, lol. They said no but JIC I should bring a form, and I don't need parental consent because it is an adult passport.

This is just a christmas vacation. After this, he comes down here in March Break, and there should be no problems for him.

+ My mother approves, it's my father who doesn't. How can he make a big fuss if we just plan on "see"ing eachother? I want to meet his family, etc etc, how can that be legally wrong? I am NOT running away since I legally live with my mom, and she says I can. He's not even legally suppose to LIVE in our apartment.
 
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CourtClerk

Senior Member
If your father "lost custody, then gained custody back" then he has all the proof of the world that he is your father, because the courts don't give custody of a child to a complete stranger.

If you enter the United States, shack up (even temporarily) with this adult, and your father calls the authorities, you will have your little boyfriend in a WORLD of trouble, because regardless of what Canadian law says, when you're here in the great state of California, it is against the law for you to kiss, fondle, have sex with, etc. a CHILD, which you are considered HERE.

So, not only does your father have every right in the world to call the authorities here, I hope he DOES in fact, do so. Your mother, and this man's mother have some serious issues if they will allow a child to come and stay with an adult man, but that's just my moral opinion.

You seem to be hinging all hope on Canadian law, but what you're forgetting is that Canadian law doesn't mean a hill of beans when you're here in California.
 

CdwJava

Senior Member
It's chrsitmas break starting today, and I come back before the break ends, I'm going for a week.
You should have said that. Your post was the same as many other young girls who run away to be with the love of their life.

His mother said for my mom to sign a form that she will take care of me if any medical issues need to be ressolved. Is that enough?
Possibly. Hopefully you will have a copy of an insurance card or whatever Canada issues for travelers to guarantee payment while out of the country.

+ My mother approves, it's my father who doesn't. How can he make a big fuss if we just plan on "see"ing eachother?
Yes, he can make a fuss. What might come of it is hard to say without knowing what he will allege.

I want to meet his family, etc etc, how can that be legally wrong?
Without sex or fondling, or any other unlawful activity, it is not.


- Carl
 

pinkyskye

Junior Member
If your father "lost custody, then gained custody back" then he has all the proof of the world that he is your father, because the courts don't give custody of a child to a complete stranger.

If you enter the United States, shack up (even temporarily) with this adult, and your father calls the authorities, you will have your little boyfriend in a WORLD of trouble, because regardless of what Canadian law says, when you're here in the great state of California, it is against the law for you to kiss, fondle, have sex with, etc. a CHILD, which you are considered HERE.

So, not only does your father have every right in the world to call the authorities here, I hope he DOES in fact, do so. Your mother, and this man's mother have some serious issues if they will allow a child to come and stay with an adult man, but that's just my moral opinion.

You seem to be hinging all hope on Canadian law, but what you're forgetting is that Canadian law doesn't mean a hill of beans when you're here in California.
I thought it didn't mean anything that's why I am asking here for Californian Laws. Second, don't they have to prove we kissed, or did anything innapropriate. I am staying with his family aka his mother, him, sister.

And I don't entirely know if he has custody or not. Long story short, I did want to live with him at a point and we did goto a court and he got custody back, apperantely though.. We never got a paper and I was going for a name change into his last name and the only paper we had, we sent them. They said this wasn't the form and all it was, was an appliaction. There may be a chance he doesn't even have it. Because I'm sure if he did, we would have gotten a paper or something.. but we have nothing. Wouldn't it take alot of work to find papers saying he does, and wouldn't in that time I'd be back from my trip, lol.

And if I went, and he called the cops and they showed up, what would be illegal about it? because I am not staying in the same room as he is, and his mom is going to be home anyways since it is the holidays. There is no crime in this, right?

There is no crime in seeing someone, for the fact of SEEING them? And you say it's morally wrong? I'm in highschool, do you know how many 20 year olds are in my class? So what if I happened to like one? Is that morally wrong? I'm Christian, and even I don't find that wrong. You love who you love no matter what, no matter their skin colour, heritage, religion, AGE, etc etc.

He might not even have a say in what I do or where I go, because it's my decision to leave or not.. when I'm there I may be a child, but so what? He can't even come to the country to say anything to me.
 

cbg

I'm a Northern Girl
Loving someone is not wrong. Acting on that love can be.

You do realize, don't you, that anyone who THINKS you're engaging in sexual activity can report it, whether you are or not, and it will be up to your boyfriend to prove the negative?

If you love him so much, why are you so determined to do things that will potentially ruin his life?
 

pinkyskye

Junior Member
We're rethinking it now.. we're going to talk to his mom about how badly my father does not want me to go, and the ticket is non refundable.. damn right? 600 down the drain, and I worked 3 weeks without spending money on anything for that LOL. My father said he'd match the ticket so I'd save the money and he'd come in March Break. I'll introduce him to my father and make my father like him, if he doesn't oh well. With him being here, there is absolutely nothing wrong. Even if my dad tries to call the cops which he has they will say I can do whatever I please. And I'll be moving out on myself with welfare and I'll just drive to California myself during that time, my father will loose custody and I'll make sure of it, and I'll see if I can get a restraining order on him. Because I am scared ****less of him, and with all the assaults he's being convicted of, I'm pretty sure I can get one, lol.

Now I must find somewhere to get advice on student welfare.. hmm.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
We're rethinking it now.. we're going to talk to his mom about how badly my father does not want me to go, and the ticket is non refundable.. damn right? 600 down the drain, and I worked 3 weeks without spending money on anything for that LOL. My father said he'd match the ticket so I'd save the money and he'd come in March Break. I'll introduce him to my father and make my father like him, if he doesn't oh well. With him being here, there is absolutely nothing wrong. Even if my dad tries to call the cops which he has they will say I can do whatever I please. And I'll be moving out on myself with welfare and I'll just drive to California myself during that time, my father will loose custody and I'll make sure of it, and I'll see if I can get a restraining order on him. Because I am scared ****less of him, and with all the assaults he's being convicted of, I'm pretty sure I can get one, lol.

Now I must find somewhere to get advice on student welfare.. hmm.
Little girl - you have some serious growing up to do.
 

Just Blue

Senior Member
We're rethinking it now.. we're going to talk to his mom about how badly my father does not want me to go, and the ticket is non refundable.. damn right? 600 down the drain, and I worked 3 weeks without spending money on anything for that LOL. My father said he'd match the ticket so I'd save the money and he'd come in March Break. I'll introduce him to my father and make my father like him, if he doesn't oh well. With him being here, there is absolutely nothing wrong. Even if my dad tries to call the cops which he has they will say I can do whatever I please. And I'll be moving out on myself with welfare and I'll just drive to California myself during that time, my father will loose custody and I'll make sure of it, and I'll see if I can get a restraining order on him. Because I am scared ****less of him, and with all the assaults he's being convicted of, I'm pretty sure I can get one, lol.

Now I must find somewhere to get advice on student welfare.. hmm.
What a spoiled, nasty little brat! You would try to get a RO, cause your father to incur huge monetary loss and possible employment loss just to be with a bf that you most likely won't even think about beyond this summer?? Your heading down a dangerous road...:mad:
 

CdwJava

Senior Member
pinkyskye said:
I'll be moving out on myself with welfare and I'll just drive to California
Ah, Canada ... apparently a 16 year old girl can move out on her own on welfare just because she wants to play grown up.

How nice.

And this is the system Hillary wants to emulate?!?

- Carl
 

pinkyskye

Junior Member
It's funny how none of you know how my life has been as a child till now. You can judge me by part of the story I have posted here. I'm not a nasty little spoiled brat, how am I spoiled if I have to earn everything I have? I work two jobs since I was 15, I've been working since I was 13. The only thing my parents have ever provided for me is a roof over my head. And you know what's funny? Welfare pays for that too. Nothing is provided by my parents.

You think I want to play grownup?
For gods sake, I already act as one. Tell me someone else my age who has to pay for every single god damn thing they use, as simple things as toothpaste. Nothing is provided for me.

You can say as you wish though, this is my last post. Thanks for all the information on Californian laws though!
 

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