What are a parent's options??!

What is the name of your state? Pennsylvania

My 17 yr. old daughter has just informed me 3 weeks ago that she is pregnant from a 28 year old guy. I didn't even know she had a boyfriend!

Anyway he was previously charged and incarcerated for having sex with a 16 yr old when he was 21.

My daughter says she loves him,and he says he loves her and she has begged me NOT to have him charged. I don't want to alienate my daughter even further.

My question is this:

If I allow her to see him until the baby is born to see if he takes responsibility as he claims he will, does this nullify my ability to charge him in the future if things don't work out? IN other words do I suddenly become a participant in a crime of allowing my daughter to see this guy?!

It is a VERY difficult position to be in as I do not believe in abortion nor does my daughter. I have met the guy, he seems sincere enough for someone who has admitted to having used drugs, been in jail etc.. everything that is a parent's worst nightmare.

If I do get him arrested, he goes away for a long time, but then I lose my daughter AND my grandchild. If I allow her to see him and then things don't work out do I nullify my ability to use the threat of jail to keep him in line to support her and the baby?

What are my options?!

gersfeld said:

What is the name of your state? Pennsylvania

My 17 yr. old daughter has just informed me 3 weeks ago that she is pregnant from a 28 year old guy. I didn't even know she had a boyfriend!

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Guess you need to keep tabs on your daughter a little better than you have been, because not only did she have a boyfriend, but she's having unprotected sex, which could lead to death if she's not careful.

Anyway he was previously charged and incarcerated for having sex with a 16 yr old when he was 21.

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And a great choice in guys she made...

My daughter says she loves him,and he says he loves her and she has begged me NOT to have him charged. I don't want to alienate my daughter even further.

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YOU DON'T WHAT???? So let me get this right, because you don't want to make your daughter mad at you, you'd be willing to let her continue to screw this guy until he finds the next flavor of the month???? Where the heck did you get YOUR parenting advice from?
My question is this:

If I allow her to see him until the baby is born to see if he takes responsibility as he claims he will, does this nullify my ability to charge him in the future if things don't work out? IN other words do I suddenly become a participant in a crime of allowing my daughter to see this guy?!

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Lucky for you (and I really don't mean that) and your daughter, the age of consent in Pennsylvania appears to be 16, so you don't have to worry about being complicit in a crime or making your baby girl mad at you.

It is a VERY difficult position to be in as I do not believe in abortion nor does my daughter.

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It's not at all a difficult position to be in and abortion is not the only option. People still give their children up for adoption you know.

I have met the guy, he seems sincere enough for someone who has admitted to having used drugs, been in jail etc.. everything that is a parent's worst nightmare.

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HE'S PRACTICALLY A PEDOPHILE HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?!?!?! I no longer question where your daughter got her sense from.

If I do get him arrested, he goes away for a long time, but then I lose my daughter AND my grandchild.

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Your daughter and your grandchild aren't going anywhere whether you prosecuted him or not. Where in God's green earth can a 17 year old go and raise a child on her own (which she probably will have to do) and not rely on someone else? Huh? You know of any 17 year olds who don't need the help of welfare, their parents for guidance and extra money (since welfare benefits, I've heard are crap). Shoot, you'll be raising your grandchild soon enough. Get real and stop letting your child manipulate you.

If I allow her to see him and then things don't work out do I nullify my ability to use the threat of jail to keep him in line to support her and the baby?

What are my options?!

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You don't have the right to keep him in line to do anything lady. Your options are to learn your place in this situation and that is... you don't have a place except as the parent to a teenage parent and a grandmother to this child.

You cannot force him to support this child, only the court can. In fact, until paternity has been legally established, HE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A CHILD and doesn't have to admit to anything. In fact, chances are, he'll deny everything until a DNA test is done and the results come out. In fact, if he were smart he would because he doesn't even know for sure this is his child.

You obviously don't have all that great of a control over what goes on in your house, so I suspect she'll continue to see him anyway and the minute she threatens you with leaving or not seeing the child, you'll acquiesce anyway. So don't make empty threats. They don't work and your daughter is obviously ready to call your bluff. She has you so ruffled now, you actually thought it may be in her best interest NOT to call the authorities.

Hopefully the mother of the next little girl will.

I agree with everything that CourtClerk stated above. This man has already been convicted of a sexual offense of a minor, yet you are considering letting things go on as they are now. When will you finally decide that this guy is a predator? Will it take you experiencing this with your grandchild (if and that is a big if he stays around long enough to Violate Her!)? Sexual predators are like drug addicts, they don't just stop, even with intensive counseling most never quit.