Attorney wants mediations?

What is the name of your state? MN

My stbx claimed I was alienating our child from him (he actually didn't care about the child and I was the child's primary caregiver ever since he was born) and so my attorney advised that I go through mediation and give him time with the child (while he's still unemployed) and advised that I go through a 2nd mediation. I could not see anything being resolved at the 1st mediation (not custody-which was a big issue in our case- nor property divisions). My stbx openly told me he will fight until he gets to court for custody of our child so I don't see a point of going through the private party mediations either. I have my attorney attended the 1st mediation and will have him attend the 2nd too if I agree to it - and my attorney advised that I go through these mediations (plus another court mediator and evaluator). I'm confused as to whether these mediations really help me in any way when I get to court (?)....or should I just cancel the 2nd private party mediation and have everything going straight through the court? Any advice's greatly appreciated!

emilyL said:

What is the name of your state? MN

My stbx claimed I was alienating our child from him (he actually didn't care about the child and I was the child's primary caregiver ever since he was born) and so my attorney advised that I go through mediation and give him time with the child (while he's still unemployed) and advised that I go through a 2nd mediation. I could not see anything being resolved at the 1st mediation (not custody-which was a big issue in our case- nor property divisions). My stbx openly told me he will fight until he gets to court for custody of our child so I don't see a point of going through the private party mediations either. I have my attorney attended the 1st mediation and will have him attend the 2nd too if I agree to it - and my attorney advised that I go through these mediations (plus another court mediator and evaluator). I'm confused as to whether these mediations really help me in any way when I get to court (?)....or should I just cancel the 2nd private party mediation and have everything going straight through the court? Any advice's greatly appreciated!

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Have you been able to settle anything at all in mediation? If you are able to come to agreements on at least some issues in mediation its helpful. The less the judge has to decide, the better.

emilyL said:

What is the name of your state? MN

My stbx claimed I was alienating our child from him (he actually didn't care about the child and I was the child's primary caregiver ever since he was born) and so my attorney advised that I go through mediation and give him time with the child (while he's still unemployed) and advised that I go through a 2nd mediation. I could not see anything being resolved at the 1st mediation (not custody-which was a big issue in our case- nor property divisions). My stbx openly told me he will fight until he gets to court for custody of our child so I don't see a point of going through the private party mediations either. I have my attorney attended the 1st mediation and will have him attend the 2nd too if I agree to it - and my attorney advised that I go through these mediations (plus another court mediator and evaluator). I'm confused as to whether these mediations really help me in any way when I get to court (?)....or should I just cancel the 2nd private party mediation and have everything going straight through the court? Any advice's greatly appreciated!

Click to expand...

You want the judge to decide as little as possible. If you can get ANYTHING settled in mediation, it will be less expensive and less risky than letting the judge do it.

Depending on the situation, the court ordered evaluator can be a blessing (make sure your attorney is OK with the person chosen, though). In my case, my ex and I had agreed to 50:50 custody before I filed. Then, she felt like she wasn't getting enough money, so she filed for sole custody. She demanded a custody evaluation. After a few letters back and forth between the lawyers, we decided on an evaluator that both sides could live with. He determined that 50:50 was the way to go, but also added some stuff from her psych test that would have made it very unlikely for her to get sole custody. Her attorney convinced her that she wasn't going to win sole custody, so we reached formal agreement with the mediator on 50:50. Everything else flowed fairly smoothly after that. So if you have a court-ordered custody evaluator, use him/her (unless you have something specific where your attorney advises not to). If the evaluator says you should share custody, few judges will overrule that. Once custody is settled, the financial stuff may flow fairly easily as it did in my case.