• FreeAdvice has a new Terms of Service and Privacy Policy, effective May 25, 2018.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our Terms of Service and use of cookies.

Contemplating Divorce

Accident - Bankruptcy - Criminal Law / DUI - Business - Consumer - Employment - Family - Immigration - Real Estate - Tax - Traffic - Wills   Please click a topic or scroll down for more.

sh39plus

Junior Member
State : CA

When I met my wife 8 years ago, she was wearing dress sizes 18 to 20. I also saw her earlier pictures of much larger sizes, so I knew that she was on the right track after 30 plus some years into her life. Not being the superficial guy, looking for the Barbie doll, I proposed and we got married a year later.

Now she is size 28-30. Sex is more of task than pleasure when it happens, which is once a week or even less. In the last few months, I have noticed her belly bulge is getting much more in the way while having sex, making things harder for me but she does not seem to care as long as she is satisfied.

She talks about losing weight but every time she goes to the store, she comes back with a cake or frosted cookies. When I say these are not good for her goals, she mentions that she walks and burns them off. The walk she is talking about is about 1/2 mile that she does every day, which is far less than her caloric intake of junk food daily. So, she just does not REALLY want to lose weight. She also smokes since we met, with the talk of quitting smoking. Whenever I bring either weight loss or quit smoking subjects up, the canned answer is "I am in too much stress".

I on the other hand, am having a marriage without sex, looking at a woman 24/7 who is not a sight for sore eyes, in addition to working like a dog to make a living for both of us. Oh, did I say, she is not working for a salary but trying to run her own gig to no success for the past 2 years ? She did not turn any significant income (maybe 6-7k per year).

If I happen to file for divorce on the basis of my wife failing to perform her wifely duties in the bedroom and exposing herself to the risk of chronic health problems, like heart, lungs and god knows what else, what would be the chances for a clean divorce ? I know as soon as divorce becomes the subjects, she will try to take me to the cleaners, but can she succeed ? We do not have much net worth, maybe 20-30K equity in the properties we own and about same amount of credit card debt, all on the credit cards that is solely under her name.

Thank you.
 


OhWhatADay

Junior Member
Where is the stress coming from? I am not the judge would grant a divorce because your wife weighs more than you'd like and her tummy gets in the way sometimes. Seems like something that could be worked out if the problem could be identified (her weight gain may be a result of stress from other things and though inappropriate - she may deal with that stress using food and cigarettes - the way some people use alcohol and drugs.) "I don't like her anymore." doesn't seem like it would get you a divorce. Just my vho.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
She would be entitled to half the marital property and half the marital debt and you might have temporary spousal support. Not having sex because YOU do not want to is not a ground for divorce.
 

fairisfair

Senior Member
she would most likely be awarded alimony for a set period of time, based on the fact that you have been married for almost 10 years and her ability to support herself is questionable.

This is not to say that I agree with that ruling, just that it is likely.

However, keep in mind that the longer you stay married, the better a longer term of alimony, or even permanent alimony, becomes.

Others will probably come to tell you that your attitude is shallow, that there is more to a person than their weight, or how they look. That is true however in this case; I don't see it that way, it appears that you have stuck it out in a marriage that has been troubled for some time. Also at this level her weight has become far more than an issue of looks.

You really need to consult with a divorce attorney who will have access to your entire financial picture and who can give you a better estimation of what to expect.

Good luck.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
Where is the stress coming from? I am not the judge would grant a divorce because your wife weighs more than you'd like and her tummy gets in the way sometimes. Seems like something that could be worked out if the problem could be identified (her weight gain may be a result of stress from other things and though inappropriate - she may deal with that stress using food and cigarettes - the way some people use alcohol and drugs.) "I don't like her anymore." doesn't seem like it would get you a divorce. Just my vho.
Incompatibility. Irreconciable differences.
 

Silverplum

Senior Member
Where is the stress coming from? I am not the judge would grant a divorce because your wife weighs more than you'd like and her tummy gets in the way sometimes. Seems like something that could be worked out if the problem could be identified (her weight gain may be a result of stress from other things and though inappropriate - she may deal with that stress using food and cigarettes - the way some people use alcohol and drugs.) "I don't like her anymore." doesn't seem like it would get you a divorce. Just my vho.
You're new. You still think that *opinion* and ~feelings~ matter in LAW.

It doesn't.
 

VeronicaLodge

Senior Member
if you want a divorce get one, OG already told you that you are both entitled to half the assets and half the debts and she might get some alimony. thats about it, all the rest of your post is completely irrelevant.
 

Bali Hai

Senior Member
she would most likely be awarded alimony for a set period of time, based on the fact that you have been married for almost 10 years and her ability to support herself is questionable.

This is not to say that I agree with that ruling, just that it is likely.

However, keep in mind that the longer you stay married, the better a longer term of alimony, or even permanent alimony, becomes.

Others will probably come to tell you that your attitude is shallow, that there is more to a person than their weight, or how they look. That is true however in this case; I don't see it that way, it appears that you have stuck it out in a marriage that has been troubled for some time. Also at this level her weight has become far more than an issue of looks.

You really need to consult with a divorce attorney who will have access to your entire financial picture and who can give you a better estimation of what to expect.

Good luck.
You got that right. It's clear that for them to continue living together would be dangerous and unhealthy. If tons of fun doesn't burn down the house dieseling her cigarettes, she could cause him grave bodily harm if she rolls over on him in the middle of the night.
 

sh39plus

Junior Member
You know what, when I posted my question, I did not want to start an opinion war. I know that female members mostly (not all) side with the wife and males tent to side with the husband. I also know what an irreconcilable difference is when it comes to the legalese. What I wanted to know, how much of an alimony I would be at the end of the rope for. Obviously our debt will equal or overcome our assets.

She is not working for the past 2 years or so for salary. Before then, she had pretty good income doing what she did. But here in So Cal, the jobs she is interested in are too far from where we live. She may need to drive 50 miles or so one way to get to these jobs and she is just plain lazy. Whereas me, driving 100 miles and upwards one way is quite okay for her. My question is, under these circumstances,

1. wife, who used to be a good income earner, left workforce at will 2 years ago
2. marriage about 7 years old
3. hubby provides health insurance through employment

what is the common plateau for alimony ? Would anything be awarded ? If so, for how long and at which basis for the amount ? (say hubby is making 75K/yr wife used to make 50K/yr but makes 6-7K/yr now).

I know there are no fixed numbers on a table but all I am asking is the aggregation of anecdotal amounts that you might know.
 

Silverplum

Senior Member
You know what, when I posted my question, I did not want to start an opinion war. I know that female members mostly (not all) side with the wife and males tent to side with the husband. I also know what an irreconcilable difference is when it comes to the legalese. What I wanted to know, how much of an alimony I would be at the end of the rope for. Obviously our debt will equal or overcome our assets.

She is not working for the past 2 years or so for salary. Before then, she had pretty good income doing what she did. But here in So Cal, the jobs she is interested in are too far from where we live. She may need to drive 50 miles or so one way to get to these jobs and she is just plain lazy. Whereas me, driving 100 miles and upwards one way is quite okay for her. My question is, under these circumstances,

1. wife, who used to be a good income earner, left workforce at will 2 years ago
2. marriage about 7 years old
3. hubby provides health insurance through employment

what is the common plateau for alimony ? Would anything be awarded ? If so, for how long and at which basis for the amount ? (say hubby is making 75K/yr wife used to make 50K/yr but makes 6-7K/yr now).

I know there are no fixed numbers on a table but all I am asking is the aggregation of anecdotal amounts that you might know.
You don't KNOW jack. :mad:

What WE care about HERE is the LAW. The LAW. The LAW.
 

sh39plus

Junior Member
You don't KNOW jack. :mad:

What WE care about HERE is the LAW. The LAW. The LAW.
I wanted to say nothing but who died and left you in charge of this forum ? Unless you are a designated forum moderator or related to someone who owns this website and if you don't want to respond to what I asked, go crap someone else's post like you did on most any threads. I don't know if anyone else told you this but from how you write you sound like an old nagging wife.
 

fairisfair

Senior Member
I wanted to say nothing but who died and left you in charge of this forum ? Unless you are a designated forum moderator or related to someone who owns this website and if you don't want to respond to what I asked, go crap someone else's post like you did on most any threads. I don't know if anyone else told you this but from how you write you sound like an old nagging wife.
God, you even make me want a twinkie.:rolleyes:

you have totally lost all good samaritan helpy feelings from me. Go hire an attorney and pay for your advice.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
You got that right. It's clear that for them to continue living together would be dangerous and unhealthy. If tons of fun doesn't burn down the house dieseling her cigarettes, she could cause him grave bodily harm if she rolls over on him in the middle of the night.
Bali you are out of line.
 

Find the Right Lawyer for Your Legal Issue!

Fast, Free, and Confidential
data-ad-format="auto">
Top