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adoption questions

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B

BL_DAD

Junior Member
What is the name of your state? Louisiana

Bear with me, I don't think my post went through, and I'm reposting, so I may leave out details. Feel free to ask questions. This is long, but it's a complicated situation. My fiancee' and I are trying to arm ourselves with as much as possible as we search for a good attorney.

I was married to a woman who abused prescription pills and other drugs without my knowledge. I feel duped. We were married for less than 2 years, but we have 2 daughters (I wanted children badly and we had our first daughter right after we got married. We were expecting our second when I discovered her painkiller addiction).

I was immediately granted sole custody of my two girls. Their mother is MIA - the courts know where we are, but my ex has never bothered to come to the visitation center, submit to drug testing and rehab, etc. This has been going on for close to 4 years. My girls are 5 and 4 now with no memory of their mother. They have taken, with no prompting of my or her own, my fiancee' as their own. My fiancee' loves the girls and has helped me raise them. We would be willing to submit the girls for counseling and ourselves should the courts deem it necessary.

My fiancee' and I don't want any child support from my ex-wife; we just want to get married in peace next year and provide a good life for my children and whatever others come our way. My ex's prior boyfriend is already filing for termination of rights for their daughter; I know he would testify on my behalf. I just want my ex-wife to not bring her psychotic ward trips, drug abusing habits, and scarred background into my girls' lives, and if something should happen to me, I would want my wife to have every possible legal means to take care of my girls. We are getting married next year, and as previously said, it's been over 4 years with no contact from my ex-wife. From what I understand, only 6 months is necessary in order to file for TOR.

Do we have a solid case? I wish no ill will upon my ex-wife; I just do not want her to effect our children since she has chosen not to change her ways. Please advise.What is the name of your state?
 


S

Silverplum

Senior Member
BL_DAD said:
What is the name of your state? Louisiana

Bear with me, I don't think my post went through, and I'm reposting, so I may leave out details. Feel free to ask questions. This is long, but it's a complicated situation. My fiancee' and I are trying to arm ourselves with as much as possible as we search for a good attorney.

I was married to a woman who abused prescription pills and other drugs without my knowledge. I feel duped. We were married for less than 2 years, but we have 2 daughters (I wanted children badly and we had our first daughter right after we got married. We were expecting our second when I discovered her painkiller addiction).

I was immediately granted sole custody of my two girls. Their mother is MIA - the courts know where we are, but my ex has never bothered to come to the visitation center, submit to drug testing and rehab, etc. This has been going on for close to 4 years. My girls are 5 and 4 now with no memory of their mother. They have taken, with no prompting of my or her own, my fiancee' as their own. My fiancee' loves the girls and has helped me raise them. We would be willing to submit the girls for counseling and ourselves should the courts deem it necessary.

My fiancee' and I don't want any child support from my ex-wife; we just want to get married in peace next year and provide a good life for my children and whatever others come our way. My ex's prior boyfriend is already filing for termination of rights for their daughter; I know he would testify on my behalf. I just want my ex-wife to not bring her psychotic ward trips, drug abusing habits, and scarred background into my girls' lives, and if something should happen to me, I would want my wife to have every possible legal means to take care of my girls. We are getting married next year, and as previously said, it's been over 4 years with no contact from my ex-wife. From what I understand, only 6 months is necessary in order to file for TOR.

Do we have a solid case? I wish no ill will upon my ex-wife; I just do not want her to effect our children since she has chosen not to change her ways. Please advise.What is the name of your state?
Click to expand...
Here's a link to the LA adoption laws:
http://laws.adoption.com/statutes/louisiana-adoption-laws.html

Here's the part about consent:
http://laws.adoption.com/statutes/louisiana-laws,3.html

I strongly urge you to hire an attorney. Good luck to you and your family. :)
 
M

milspecgirl

Senior Member
the key is that you will need to be married at least 6 mo before filing. Get all of your info ready and prepared. keep logs. get public records (arrests, etc) on mom and sit back and wait- that is the hard part.
DO NOT make contact or let anyone know what you are thinking or this may bring her out of the woodwork and then you have to start all over with the no contact.
Is there any way she will willingly sign over rights. If she's like the one in our case- she won't out of spite.

we are almost a year into our battle (didn't help that gp decided to file a motion to intervene for visitation). Expect the judge to give mom another chance if she protests enough. then, let her hang herself- and she will
 
B

BL_DAD

Junior Member
Silverplum said:
Here's a link to the LA adoption laws:
http://laws.adoption.com/statutes/louisiana-adoption-laws.html

Here's the part about consent:
http://laws.adoption.com/statutes/louisiana-laws,3.html

I strongly urge you to hire an attorney. Good luck to you and your family. :)
Click to expand...
Thanks, Silverplum. I appreciate it greatly; we will need the luck! In your opinion, would it be best for my fiancee' and I to marry now so as to expedite the process? We were really only waiting until next year so as to save up for a nicer wedding, but she wants to attend graduate school out-of-state once she finishes her bachelor's degree next May. We don't mind coming back to clear this up, but would it be easier if we were here to finish the adoption process? Also, would she need to undergo counseling here before (can we start it now?) or would it be acceptable for her to do it in another state?

Sorry for the barrage of questions. We are looking for an attorney, but we can't afford to put down a retainer now.
 
B

BL_DAD

Junior Member
milspecgirl said:
the key is that you will need to be married at least 6 mo before filing. Get all of your info ready and prepared. keep logs. get public records (arrests, etc) on mom and sit back and wait- that is the hard part.

Is there any way she will willingly sign over rights. If she's like the one in our case- she won't out of spite.
Click to expand...
I have plenty of documentation. She was just arrested for a DWI a few months ago, so if I can get my hands on that, I'm sure it would help.

She would probably gladly hand over her rights if we assured her we would not sue for back child support (we don't want her money), but that sounds dangerously like fraud to me, and I don't want to jeopardize our case in any way.

Knowing my ex-wife, give her enough rope and she will hang herself in due time. Good luck to you and your family; I know how frustrating it is.
 
M

milspecgirl

Senior Member
you can't come out and tell her you'll sign off on the cs. our atty suggested to us that we call and ask when she plans on paying cs. just to put the bug in her ear. than, go with the termination. But, I stress - do not poke a sleeping bear until you are ready 100% to shoot it. DO NOT leave the state either until this is done.
 
S

Silverplum

Senior Member
BL_DAD said:
Thanks, Silverplum. I appreciate it greatly; we will need the luck! In your opinion, would it be best for my fiancee' and I to marry now so as to expedite the process? We were really only waiting until next year so as to save up for a nicer wedding, but she wants to attend graduate school out-of-state once she finishes her bachelor's degree next May. We don't mind coming back to clear this up, but would it be easier if we were here to finish the adoption process? Also, would she need to undergo counseling here before (can we start it now?) or would it be acceptable for her to do it in another state?

Sorry for the barrage of questions. We are looking for an attorney, but we can't afford to put down a retainer now.
Click to expand...
You're totally welcome. :) :) And don't be sorry about the questions: it's why we're here! Especially for pleasant posters such as yourself. ;)

I am not an attorney or an adoption expert, but from what I've learned over time, the courts want to see a stable marriage -- over a year in duration -- in which to place the child for adoption. Some folk wisdom is commonly given: why would a judge grant an adoption to a person that is unwilling to commit to a marriage? ;)

So, yes, IMO, you should marry sooner rather than later, and get that clock ticking forward. :)

I don't know about counseling, sorry. Keep looking for that answer.

I agree with milspecgirl, also: stay in the state (maintain your residence there; it doesn't mean you can't go on vacation) and poke the bear only when you're ready to fight the bear.
 
V

vrhobbs

Junior Member
I can tell you from personal experience, I had no trouble adopting my husband's son. We were married in Sept 2002, and in May 2004 the child came to live with us. The last time he saw the biological mother (or as I call her the "egg donor") was Aug 2005. Since then, she left a message once Feb 2006 but no call back number and 2 nasty emails after she found my husband on MySpace in March 2007. Her rights were terminated because she had no contact AND/OR not supported him for over a year (no order for support because, like you, we didn't want her money). We did not go to counseling. Even though I was the petitioner, my husband had to sign a document saying that it was OK for me to adopt his son. We don't know where the egg donor so the lawyer published a notice in our local paper and sent a certified letter to her last known address which she refused. My husband passed away 9 days before the adoption was finalized but it still went through. As far as the back support, she is still responsible for that up until her rights are terminated. So I could sue her for ours but I don 't think you can get blood out of a turnip. HOWEVER, I could sue her and get her tax refund each year until it is paid. If I wanted to to be mean, I could do that and put the money in my son's college fund. :p
 
B

BL_DAD

Junior Member
Good News!

What is your state? LA

Just wanted to let you know that my ex's rights to the kids were officially terminated last month. She didn't even bother showing up for the hearing officer's conference or the trial. The judge actually asked us to come back when we're married so she can preside over the adoption for us! My poor fiancee' was so relieved she started crying when the judge ruled in our favor; I think we were all relieved that the nightmare is finally over.

Thanks for all of your help! I can't tell you how much I appreciate it, and we are getting married soon so we can get going on the adoption process.

I'm shocked at how quickly it was resolved, but then again, I guess it wasn't too hard to prove our case when she couldn't even be bothered to come state her case. :mad:

Thanks again,
BL_DAD
 
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