Divorce Help

What is the name of your state? Georgia

My husband drinks heavily (only at night when everyone else is asleep) and thinks he is doing it with me unaware even though I have told him I know he is doing it! He was given an ultimatum by me to stop drinking last year or I was leaving. He bought a BMW motorcycle with consulting me and knows that I do not agree with him riding when we have a child that we are responsible for. He crashed the first bike after only 3 months (rode off the side of a mountain and hit a tree) and somehow did not get hurt and then went out and bought another one!!! He has now purchased a mini bike called a pocket rocket for our 7 year old which I forbid him to get as it is not a toy and too dangerous and I am just over him!!!! Can I use all of this as "evidence" in court as to his irresponsibililty? Also, in Georgia am I entitled to any of his 401K contributions that were done during our marriage? Trying to get all my ducks in a row and know what I am entitled to before I go file. Thank you for any help you can give!!

blueeyedlibra said:

What is the name of your state? Georgia

My husband drinks heavily (only at night when everyone else is asleep) and thinks he is doing it with me unaware even though I have told him I know he is doing it! He was given an ultimatum by me to stop drinking last year or I was leaving. He bought a BMW motorcycle with consulting me and knows that I do not agree with him riding when we have a child that we are responsible for. He crashed the first bike after only 3 months (rode off the side of a mountain and hit a tree) and somehow did not get hurt and then went out and bought another one!!! He has now purchased a mini bike called a pocket rocket for our 7 year old which I forbid him to get as it is not a toy and too dangerous and I am just over him!!!! Can I use all of this as "evidence" in court as to his irresponsibililty? Also, in Georgia am I entitled to any of his 401K contributions that were done during our marriage? Trying to get all my ducks in a row and know what I am entitled to before I go file. Thank you for any help you can give!!

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"As to his irresponsibility" -- for what purpose?

If you want to know about GA divorce, google that.

Sorry, maybe I should have said to use it as grounds for divorce.

blueeyedlibra said:

Sorry, maybe I should have said to use it as grounds for divorce.

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That's not "grounds." IF you want the hassle and expense of a "grounds" divorce, you should google GA grounds for divorce. Or you could likely conduct a "no fault" divorce much more quickly, easily, and cheaply.

Thank you!

Silverplum said:

That's not "grounds." IF you want the hassle and expense of a "grounds" divorce, you should google GA grounds for divorce. Or you could likely conduct a "no fault" divorce much more quickly, easily, and cheaply.

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OP - please realize that --- kiddo will be riding that pocket rocket during Dad's time... with no mom around to stop him.

This is part of my irresponsibility concerns! Do I trust him with our child when I am not there to supervise. Being that he is an alcoholic I do not think he has the judgement or skills needed to take care of our child but is showing the motorcyle proof enough or do I need more examples for the court (and I have many examples of poor parenting)? He does not drink during time with her but the excessive abuse of alcohol has certainly impaired his brain and thinking skills judging from all the research I have done on long term alcohol effects.

blueeyedlibra said:

This is part of my irresponsibility concerns! Do I trust him with our child when I am not there to supervise. Being that he is an alcoholic I do not think he has the judgement or skills needed to take care of our child but is showing the motorcyle proof enough or do I need more examples for the court (and I have many examples of poor parenting)? He does not drink during time with her but the excessive abuse of alcohol has certainly impaired his brain and thinking skills judging from all the research I have done on long term alcohol effects.

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You have nothing to say about it. If the court gives joint custody, you have no control over it.

And I don't see a court denying him parenting rights because he has a drink at night and drives a motorcycle. You're going to need pretty substantial evidence to prevent him from being a parent. And your reading doesn't count. You need an expert (or several) to testify that he's unfit.

okay but if you read my previous post he is an alcoholic. I do not consider drinking 1/2 gallon of vodka over two nights just a drink at night. Alcoholics have considerable damage done to all of their organs, not just the liver, and the brain function is one of them and decision making falls under that category. I understand the a judge would give joint custody as their is no "abuse" physically, etc. I only want to know if I should present my concerns to the court based on previous actions, etc. I would like to think that they would have the childs best interest at heart and want to know if dangerous behaviour has been exhibited when it comes to the safety of the child.

blueeyedlibra said:

okay but if you read my previous post he is an alcoholic. I do not consider drinking 1/2 gallon of vodka over two nights just a drink at night. Alcoholics have considerable damage done to all of their organs, not just the liver, and the brain function is one of them and decision making falls under that category. I understand the a judge would give joint custody as their is no "abuse" physically, etc. I only want to know if I should present my concerns to the court based on previous actions, etc. I would like to think that they would have the childs best interest at heart and want to know if dangerous behaviour has been exhibited when it comes to the safety of the child.

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A half gallon of vodka every two nights? How long has this been going on? He is going to kill himself.

blueeyedlibra said:

okay but if you read my previous post he is an alcoholic. I do not consider drinking 1/2 gallon of vodka over two nights just a drink at night. Alcoholics have considerable damage done to all of their organs, not just the liver, and the brain function is one of them and decision making falls under that category. I understand the a judge would give joint custody as their is no "abuse" physically, etc. I only want to know if I should present my concerns to the court based on previous actions, etc. I would like to think that they would have the childs best interest at heart and want to know if dangerous behaviour has been exhibited when it comes to the safety of the child.

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1. You didn't say he was an alcoholic. You said 'he drinks too much'. My ex used to say that - and I had one beer every other night. The point is no one cares what YOU think. The issue is whether he's drinking enough to cause harm to the children. There's nothing in your post that implies that - in fact, you state the opposite.

2. There's no law about someone who is doing something harmful to themselves being unfit to parent children. If there were, no smoker would ever get custody of a child - and smoking is even worse in the court's eyes because of second hand smoke. For that matter, no one who is overweight would ever get custody. The courts are not interested in the state of his liver.

3. The court will most certainly be interested in the child's safety and well-being. But they're not going to rely on statements like you made initially ("he drinks too much" is absolutely useless in a legal discussion). If you feel that he is a danger to the kids, then it's up to you to gather the information and prove it. Your own feelings are irrelevant. You're going to need expert witnesses who will testify that they have examined him or observed him and he's a danger to others.

4. If he's drinking a quart of vodka a night, he'll be dead before you can get the legal matters straightened out. Somehow, I doubt if he's really drinking that much and still standing.

Thank you for your replies. Yes, I did say in my very first post he drinks heavily. And yes, that is the amount he drinks and I have the charge card bills and emply bottles to prove it. Unfortunately his family is riddled with alcoholics and his "resistance" to alcohol is like noone I have ever seen. He is never drunk and if you met him after he drank his normal amount in one night you would never guess he had been drinking! This is why it took me so many years to figure out how much he was drinking. Lesson to all, not all alcholics get slap down crazy drunk. Some function perfectly normal which is nothing that I ever knew until I started speaking with Al-anon. Anyway, thank you for your help. What I really wanted to know is if this could be used in court to show character, etc. My only concern is that my daughter is cared for unconditionally and that I need to keep an eye on her for future addiction problems. I do realize that if he continues on this path of destruction that he won't even be alive to have to deal with all of this, but again, that affects my daughter and god forbid he should die while she is in his care!

Yeah - and God forbid you should die while she's in your care either. How horrible for a child either way. No one can predict the future. If you didn't even realize that he was drinking it is highly doubtful his behaviors will cause any harm.

BTW - empty bottles prove nothing. He may be having company that drinks with him, maybe one of his alcoholic relatives comes over, maybe he hosts a card game - there are any number of "reasonable" explanations that he can pony up as to why there are empty bottles. You'd be hard put to figure out a way to prove that the bottles were his and that he was the sole party drinking the contents of the bottles.

Get used to not being able to control every element in your child's life.

Again, thanks to all for your help. I am not going to justify how I know it is just him drinking, the amount he drinks, etc. to everyone as I am the one who lives there and knows and not anyone else. I do understand that anyone can die at anytime, etc. I am an educated woman who does not depend on him for mine or my child's well being. I just want to be sure that while she is with him that everything can be done to protect her. I have raised two children (one who is 18 and I do not try to control his life in anyway) and consider myself to be a good mother who just wants what is best for her children. I do not think that anyone on here can say that if they knew there spouse, ex, etc. was drinking heavily that they would feel comfortable with that person being the sole person having care of a minor child. That is all I am saying on the subject and thanks again to those that replied with answers to my post. I came looking for advice about divorce and was helped.

blueeyedlibra said:

Again, thanks to all for your help. I am not going to justify how I know it is just him drinking, the amount he drinks, etc. to everyone as I am the one who lives there and knows and not anyone else. I do understand that anyone can die at anytime, etc. I am an educated woman who does not depend on him for mine or my child's well being. I just want to be sure that while she is with him that everything can be done to protect her. I have raised two children (one who is 18 and I do not try to control his life in anyway) and consider myself to be a good mother who just wants what is best for her children. I do not think that anyone on here can say that if they knew there spouse, ex, etc. was drinking heavily that they would feel comfortable with that person being the sole person having care of a minor child. That is all I am saying on the subject and thanks again to those that replied with answers to my post. I came looking for advice about divorce and was helped.

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You've got your answers. If you can prove that there's a substantial risk of his harming the child, you MIGHT be able to keep him from being alone with her. If you can't PROVE it, then you're going to have to live with the chance that something could happen. And that means LEGAL PROOF, not your concerns.