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First steps for unmarried parents

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txbankmom

Junior Member
What is the name of your state? Texas

I have a friend who lives with her children and their father. They live in a home that she is buying in her own name. They have lived together as a family for 7 years in other residences and share in expenses. She is not married to the father and she is also currently pregnant with their third child. She is looking to separate from him and doesn't know where to start. Would he be made to leave the home? Does she need to file for legal separation or for legal eviction of him from the home? There may be a possibility of abuse and so she is concerned about custody of her children as well. Would she be given primary physical custody while she is filing? Any help would be greatly appreciated!
 


LdiJ

LdiJ

Senior Member
txbankmom said:
What is the name of your state? Texas

I have a friend who lives with her children and their father. They live in a home that she is buying in her own name. They have lived together as a family for 7 years in other residences and share in expenses. She is not married to the father and she is also currently pregnant with their third child. She is looking to separate from him and doesn't know where to start. Would he be made to leave the home? Does she need to file for legal separation or for legal eviction of him from the home? There may be a possibility of abuse and so she is concerned about custody of her children as well. Would she be given primary physical custody while she is filing? Any help would be greatly appreciated!
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It depends on whether or not she meets the standards for a common law marriage. Do they present themselves to the public as a married couple? Have they been filing a joint tax return? Do they call themselves husband and wife?

Or, in the alternative, did they fill out the paperwork to register as married at common law? (possible to do in TX)

If the above applies, they may need to divorce and your friend needs to consult a local attorney.

If the above does not apply, then your friend would have to go through the process to evict him from her home, unless he is willing to leave voluntarily. The issues of child custody will also have to be decided.

All in all however, your friend should probably wait until after she has the baby to make such a big decision. Sometimes raging hormones during pregnancy cause a woman to react differently to things than they normally would react.
 
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txbankmom

Junior Member
The father doesn't present himself as married at all. He has made it a point to say that they aren't and probably won't get married. She doesn't portray themselves as married either. They don't have joint bank accounts. They don't file joint tax returns and they have never filed any paperwork for common law marriage. Her situation just seems to be worsening now that she is pregnant again and I'm concerned about him getting physical with her. She came to me prior to this pregnancy and now again. Her concerns are for her childrens custody and safety of her as well as the children. She's nervous as to what his reaction would be.
 
M

mistoffolees

Senior Member
LdiJ said:
It depends on whether or not she meets the standards for a common law marriage. Do they present themselves to the public as a married couple? Have they been filing a joint tax return? Do they call themselves husband and wife?

Or, in the alternative, did they fill out the paperwork to register as married at common law? (possible to do in TX)

If the above applies, they may need to divorce and your friend needs to consult a local attorney.

If the above does not apply, then your friend would have to go through the process to evict him from her home, unless he is willing to leave voluntarily. The issues of child custody will also have to be decided.

All in all however, your friend should probably wait until after she has the baby to make such a big decision. Sometimes raging hormones during pregnancy cause a woman to react differently to things than they normally would react.
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The hormones will likely be messed up for months after the birth, so don't rush.

Another factor (mostly related to custody) is whether he is on the birth certificates. If not, he's going to have to file for and establish paternity before custody even becomes a question.
 
LdiJ

LdiJ

Senior Member
txbankmom said:
The father doesn't present himself as married at all. He has made it a point to say that they aren't and probably won't get married. She doesn't portray themselves as married either. They don't have joint bank accounts. They don't file joint tax returns and they have never filed any paperwork for common law marriage. Her situation just seems to be worsening now that she is pregnant again and I'm concerned about him getting physical with her. She came to me prior to this pregnancy and now again. Her concerns are for her childrens custody and safety of her as well as the children. She's nervous as to what his reaction would be.
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Well, if he gets physical with her then she needs to call the police and get a restraining order.
 
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txbankmom

Junior Member
Yes, the father is listed on the birth certificate and he constantly threatens taking them away from her. The mom works full-time (with me) at least 40 hours a week. His threats are baseless. He's just trying to scare her and in her fragile state, it's the last thing she needs.
 
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txbankmom

Junior Member
When you are in an abusive relationship, the sex is just that, sex. She can't denying his advances without an argument or other type of altercation . He's pretty much in charge of her every move. Birth Control or no birth control. Where she goes, who she talks to, can't attend outside work-related functions, etc. I have an ex-husband like this and it's difficult to explain unless you're in that situation.
 
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