How to proceed.....

What is the name of your state? Florida

Ok so my wife got in contact with a guy she is so madly in love with and has been for the last 10 yrs. He was married and is currently going through a divorce. Wife and I have a 2 yr old and seems like wife is on the computer almost all day just having my daughter watch tv shows or play by herself. I am in the process of going to counseling and am going to seek marriage counseling if she is willing. Should she decide to leave what is the possibility that I will retain guardianship of my daughter. Mind you the guy she is infatuated with supposedly has a "dark side" that doesn't hurt anyone he loves. At the same time I have plenty of proof of an emotional affair and really would like her to not talk to him. In an effort to not appear controlling I don't say anything regarding her talking to him. Any help is good.


Thanks.

The same as hers - 50/50. Of course, the primary caretaker typically gets an extra edge.

tuffbrk said:

The same as hers - 50/50. Of course, the primary caretaker typically gets an extra edge.

Click to expand...

So since I am the only one working right now would that give me the edge or would my wife being the one who is primarily home give her the edge?

The party that is the primary caretaker of your child will get an "edge" presuming all other aspects are equal. So, for example, who takes her to the doctor? Who feeds her, bathes her, reads to her each evening, etc.

uh. . . . some interesting reading.

http://www.divorcenet.com/states/florida/fl_art05

Hmm....I guess you're suggesting that Dad may have a better chance based on his perception/belief that his wife is committing emotional adultery?

You're far more knowledgeable than I am. I'm still of the opinion that the primary caretaker gets the edge tho - as long as Mom is still the one taking child to doctor's, feeding, bathing, etc. then negative impact to the child will be difficult to prove.

So right back to - 50/50 chance, same as Mom...

tuffbrk said:

Hmm....I guess you're suggesting that Dad may have a better chance based on his perception/belief that his wife is committing emotional adultery?

You're far more knowledgeable than I am. I'm still of the opinion that the primary caretaker gets the edge tho - as long as Mom is still the one taking child to doctor's, feeding, bathing, etc. then negative impact to the child will be difficult to prove.

So right back to - 50/50 chance, same as Mom...

Click to expand...

No, I am suggesting that if it becomes MORE than emotional adultery that he may be able to use that fact.

You are correct, primary caretaker DOES generally get the edge.

But also generally speaking the other person is the one who leaves the children in their custody, thereby creating an existing situation that is more difficult to overcome with a "change" of custody.

My suggestion, do NOT leave your child, either she leaves, or you leave with the child, or you stay.

Oh wow Fair - that went over my head. I didn't realize Dad was thinking it would progress.

To the OP - just one "personal" comment - a little honesty may go a long way here. You are saying that you are considering therapy and/or marriage counseling but yet you have not even made your objections to her "chats" known.

She may think you don't care. She may need to be "needed." Who knows? But if you are truly considering marriage counseling, you should probably give her a heads up that you are feeling ...what? Insecure? Jealous? Neglected? Whatever you are feeling - tell her. Just talk it out a bit. It's a start. Then when you suggest counseling she will at least know where you are coming from.

tuffbrk said:

Oh wow Fair - that went over my head. I didn't realize Dad was thinking it would progress.

To the OP - just one "personal" comment - a little honesty may go a long way here. You are saying that you are considering therapy and/or marriage counseling but yet you have not even made your objections to her "chats" known.

She may think you don't care. She may need to be "needed." Who knows? But if you are truly considering marriage counseling, you should probably give her a heads up that you are feeling ...what? Insecure? Jealous? Neglected? Whatever you are feeling - tell her. Just talk it out a bit. It's a start. Then when you suggest counseling she will at least know where you are coming from.

Click to expand...

I've tried telling her how I feel emotionally disconnected and at this point she has no idea I even know about her chatting with him to the extent she has. She only knows I can check her phone history. Hell yesterday she had the car and was tempted to ditch everyone and leave my daughter with my mom and go see him since it was his day off. She felt obligated to stay home though. I am going to see my individual counselor next Tuesday and hopefully he can give me some direction. I am most certainly going to seek marriage counseling and as I told a friend until she comes clean about everything I won't about my keylogger and other software that is tracking her.