Right thing to do?

What is the name of your state? Virginia

I want to divorce my wife, it has been very bad the last couple months.

We have 2 children, 1 not mine, her's from a previous marriage, 2nd one she told me was mine and no way that it couldn't be, but I've found out recently that he isn't. I married her mostly because she was pregnant and thought it was mine.

I still love the child with all my heart and wouldn't think of not taking responsibility for him. But what are the laws about that? I know she may use him as artillary so I just want to make sure.

The other question is this. We are arguing so bad that it is affecting our children. The mortgage and deed is all in my name, but she refuses to leave. She thinks that she can just stay there and I'll pay the bills and everything will be fine. I want her to leave prefferably, but I'll leave if needed to make a better life for us and the children, but I don't want to be gotten for abandonment. There's also no way that I could make the mortgage payment and my new apartment payment if I were to leave so that would put the house mortgage in default, which I don't want but may have to do.

Any advice? Thanks.

fragglesrock said:

What is the name of your state? Virginia

I want to divorce my wife, it has been very bad the last couple months.

We have 2 children, 1 not mine, her's from a previous marriage, 2nd one she told me was mine and no way that it couldn't be, but I've found out recently that he isn't. I married her mostly because she was pregnant and thought it was mine.

I still love the child with all my heart and wouldn't think of not taking responsibility for him. But what are the laws about that? I know she may use him as artillary so I just want to make sure.

The other question is this. We are arguing so bad that it is affecting our children. The mortgage and deed is all in my name, but she refuses to leave. She thinks that she can just stay there and I'll pay the bills and everything will be fine. I want her to leave prefferably, but I'll leave if needed to make a better life for us and the children, but I don't want to be gotten for abandonment. There's also no way that I could make the mortgage payment and my new apartment payment if I were to leave so that would put the house mortgage in default, which I don't want but may have to do.

Any advice? Thanks.

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The child born during the marriage is legally your child.
And your wife can just stay there and not leave because it is the marital home. YOu need a court order to get her out.

fragglesrock said:

What is the name of your state? Virginia

I want to divorce my wife, it has been very bad the last couple months.

We have 2 children, 1 not mine, her's from a previous marriage, 2nd one she told me was mine and no way that it couldn't be, but I've found out recently that he isn't. I married her mostly because she was pregnant and thought it was mine.

I still love the child with all my heart and wouldn't think of not taking responsibility for him. But what are the laws about that?

If the kid isn't yours, why should you pay CS?? Get a court ordered paternity test done.

I know she may use him as artillary so I just want to make sure.

The other question is this. We are arguing so bad that it is affecting our children. The mortgage and deed is all in my name, but she refuses to leave. She thinks that she can just stay there and I'll pay the bills and everything will be fine. I want her to leave prefferably, but I'll leave if needed to make a better life for us and the children, but I don't want to be gotten for abandonment. There's also no way that I could make the mortgage payment and my new apartment payment if I were to leave so that would put the house mortgage in default, which I don't want but may have to do.

Any advice? Thanks.

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File for divorce and ask the court to remove her from the residence for what's best for the children.

Make your move now. The longer you wait the more expensive this will get.

In addition to the above, I would refer you to Ann Landers, but....

Don't I have to be living separate for a year to file for divorce? Or do I just go to the courthouse and file for divorce then move out if she won't?

fragglesrock said:

What is the name of your state? Virginia

I want to divorce my wife, it has been very bad the last couple months.

We have 2 children, 1 not mine, her's from a previous marriage, 2nd one she told me was mine and no way that it couldn't be, but I've found out recently that he isn't. I married her mostly because she was pregnant and thought it was mine.

I still love the child with all my heart and wouldn't think of not taking responsibility for him. But what are the laws about that? I know she may use him as artillary so I just want to make sure.

The other question is this. We are arguing so bad that it is affecting our children. The mortgage and deed is all in my name, but she refuses to leave. She thinks that she can just stay there and I'll pay the bills and everything will be fine. I want her to leave prefferably, but I'll leave if needed to make a better life for us and the children, but I don't want to be gotten for abandonment. There's also no way that I could make the mortgage payment and my new apartment payment if I were to leave so that would put the house mortgage in default, which I don't want but may have to do.

Any advice? Thanks.

Click to expand...

She can just stay there. She has every right to live there until a judge orders her to move out. However, if she moves out, she will certainly be taking the older child with her, and perhaps the younger child depending on the child's age and whether or not one of you challenges paternity and depending on who has been the child's primary caretaker if neither of you challenges paternity.

Its also really, really, really stupid to put the mortgage payment into default...particularly if there is any equity in the home. That would just cause you to lose the equity AND tank YOUR credit. (not hers if she is not on the loan)

So...be smart about this whole thing. If the mortgage and deed are solely in your name, you will eventually retain possession of the house if you can refinance to buy out her share of the marital equity. Otherwise the house will be ordered to be sold and the equity split, but its nearly guaranteed that you will get possession until that happens.

Go get a consult with a local attorney to get a solid clue where you stand with everything. Then, try to find a way to work things out amicably.

If you handle things smartly, the worst that will happen is that you will have to tolerate sharing the home with her until the legal situation is worked out, and worked out in such a way that the financial issues are handled smartly as well.

If you handle things stupidly....because you insist on one of you moving out prematurely, you could end up with your credit entirely tanked, and losing equity....and perhaps even destroying your relationship with a child that you might end up being legally responsible for, even if you are not the biological father.

So...be smart.

thanks for all the responses, one other thing.

She was in an accident about 3 to 4 months ago, we attained one of those lawyers that don't collect unless we collect, for hospital bills, pain and suffering etc. We aren't legally separated yet, am I entitled to that money when the insurance company does settle, even if they settle after we are legally separated since the accident and the pain and suffering was during the marriage?

fragglesrock said:

thanks for all the responses, one other thing.

She was in an accident about 3 to 4 months ago, we attained one of those lawyers that don't collect unless we collect, for hospital bills, pain and suffering etc. We aren't legally separated yet, am I entitled to that money when the insurance company does settle, even if they settle after we are legally separated since the accident and the pain and suffering was during the marriage?

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Probably not...or at least partially not. You would have to demonstrate that a part of the settlement was to compensate for lost marital property.