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Afraid to tell husband she wants a divorce

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lookingfor411

Junior Member
What is the name of your state? NY

My mom has been married to my stepfather for nearly 20 years (no kids). She is planning on telling him that she wants a divorce but is worried b/c he could get violent towards her and or will attempt to hurt himself - he can be extremely unstable at times. If he makes her feel uncomfortable in anyway, can she move out of the house or will that be abandonment of the marital property and will she then forfeit her rights to the equitable distribution of the property? She is going to need the money from the sale of the house to live once she is divorced. What can she do?
 


Ohiogal

Queen Bee
She cannot count on any money from the sale of the house in this economy. She can move out though without abandoning the property. If he threatens her she should call the police and get a restraining order.
 

mistoffolees

Senior Member
She cannot count on any money from the sale of the house in this economy. She can move out though without abandoning the property. If he threatens her she should call the police and get a restraining order.
They've been married for 20 years. If they purchased their home more than a couple of years ago, there should be a significant gain - almost no matter where they are.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
They've been married for 20 years. If they purchased their home more than a couple of years ago, there should be a significant gain - almost no matter where they are.
OG made a valid point. For all we know they could have refinanced a few years back to pay off other debt....and could even have one of those (at the time) 120% mortgages.

However, you are correct that most likely they have equity in the home.
 

lookingfor411

Junior Member
There is enough equity in the house so that both will be comfortable after the house is sold, even in today's market.

We got a little off topic, my question is really about what she should do if he gets violent, can she leave the house before any formal proceedings? She's worried about how he'll receive the news that she is going to file for divorce. He's had a past history of depression -the last significant relationship (before my mom - 25 years ago) he was in ended badly and he spent 2 days a week in therapy to prevent him from hurting himself (he told my mom this).

Thanks for your help.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
There is enough equity in the house so that both will be comfortable after the house is sold, even in today's market.

We got a little off topic, my question is really about what she should do if he gets violent, can she leave the house before any formal proceedings? She's worried about how he'll receive the news that she is going to file for divorce. He's had a past history of depression -the last significant relationship (before my mom - 25 years ago) he was in ended badly and he spent 2 days a week in therapy to prevent him from hurting himself (he told my mom this).

Thanks for your help.
She can leave the house without losing any of her rights. However she can also call the police if he gets violent.
 

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