contempt of court

schulbl · Apr 30, 2008

What is the name of your state? Illinois
My wife and I were divorced in 2003. At that time, I left the marriage with only my truck and a boat; giving her the family home, bank accounts and all other assets as I did not want to make it any harder for our two children.
Recently, I received a notice to appear in court to pay increased child support, which I agree with since I do make more money now than I did when we first got divorced, but they want to hold me in contempt of court for not paying my 60% of tuition for our childrens catholic school they attended in 2006. In 2006, I was deployed to Iraq and my mother had my full POA. During this time, she wrote checks out each month for $90, which shows in my checkbook register, and mailed them to my ex, however, my bank accounts show that these checks were never cashed. No calls were ever made to me, or my mother, saying that the checks were never received. I KNOW they were sent!! My mother is so intent that my kids stay in this school (she attended catholic school from kindergarten through college) that she was even paying the tuition when we first got divorced, since neither my ex or I had the funds to do it. I have recently paid the 2007-08 tuition, as I found out my ex has paid nothing. Isn't this contempt of court since I had to pay her 40%? Does my checkbook register have any weight, as far as proving that payments were sent for 2006? Also, my ex was supposed to refinance the house within 6 months of our divorce; at that time I would sign a quit claim deed. She has not done so and has affected my credit record by being >30 days late on two occassions. Isn't this contempt of court? Is there anything I can do? I have not taken her to court for these issues as I did not want to rock the boat and try real hard to get along with her. But I'm tired of trying. Im worn out and am sick of "walking on eggshells" around her. I have no problems fulfilling my financial obligations, as they are for my children, but I'm sick of being made to always look like the bad guy. She will never return my calls and does not keep me informed of the childrens progress in school or tell me of medical appointments. HELP ME PLEASE! On top of everything else, she claimed that her job was too stressful (she designed kitchens and bathrooms for a company) and quit in May of 2007 and hasn't worked since. How could she now obtain financing for her house?

LdiJ · Apr 30, 2008

schulbl said:
What is the name of your state? Illinois
My wife and I were divorced in 2003. At that time, I left the marriage with only my truck and a boat; giving her the family home, bank accounts and all other assets as I did not want to make it any harder for our two children.
Recently, I received a notice to appear in court to pay increased child support, which I agree with since I do make more money now than I did when we first got divorced, but they want to hold me in contempt of court for not paying my 60% of tuition for our childrens catholic school they attended in 2006. In 2006, I was deployed to Iraq and my mother had my full POA. During this time, she wrote checks out each month for $90, which shows in my checkbook register, and mailed them to my ex, however, my bank accounts show that these checks were never cashed. No calls were ever made to me, or my mother, saying that the checks were never received. I KNOW they were sent!! My mother is so intent that my kids stay in this school (she attended catholic school from kindergarten through college) that she was even paying the tuition when we first got divorced, since neither my ex or I had the funds to do it. I have recently paid the 2007-08 tuition, as I found out my ex has paid nothing. Isn't this contempt of court since I had to pay her 40%? Does my checkbook register have any weight, as far as proving that payments were sent for 2006? Also, my ex was supposed to refinance the house within 6 months of our divorce; at that time I would sign a quit claim deed. She has not done so and has affected my credit record by being >30 days late on two occassions. Isn't this contempt of court? Is there anything I can do? I have not taken her to court for these issues as I did not want to rock the boat and try real hard to get along with her. But I'm tired of trying. Im worn out and am sick of "walking on eggshells" around her. I have no problems fulfilling my financial obligations, as they are for my children, but I'm sick of being made to always look like the bad guy. She will never return my calls and does not keep me informed of the childrens progress in school or tell me of medical appointments. HELP ME PLEASE! On top of everything else, she claimed that her job was too stressful (she designed kitchens and bathrooms for a company) and quit in May of 2007 and hasn't worked since. How could she now obtain financing for her house?

Well, as far as the 90.00 checks never being cashed, both you and your mother obviously knew that the checks were not being cashed, therefore you had an obligation to find out what was going on and to resolve the problem. You didn't actually pay the money, because the checks were not cashed.

As far as the house is concerned, its probable that your ex has been unable to refinance. You basically have two choices at this point, you can either force a sale of the house, through the courts, or you can leave your credit tied up a while longer. That is completely your choice.

Yes, she is just as much in contempt of court for not paying the 2007/2008 tuition, as you are for not paying the 2006/2007 tuition. You can certainly counter petition for contempt yourself for that, and for any other issues in which she is in contempt.

schulbl · Apr 30, 2008

Thank you for your response.
I had asked my mother about the uncashed checks and she thought that my ex may have been saving them up to cash at one time. My mom always sends money to my ex at Christmas and she is notorious for not cashing the checks in a timely manner or not cashing them at all.

When we were divorced, my ex did have the financial capability to refinance. As a matter of fact, I purchased a house 2 years after the divorce and obtained an interest rate of 5.9%. I tried to get her to do it at that time, giving her the mortgage companys info, but she said "I think you are up to something. I don't want your help, I'll have my Dad help me". So, it wasn't an issue of not being able to, it was an issue of not wanting to, or as usual, not following through.

I don't want to force a sale as I feel it will disrupt my children terribly, thus my dilemma.

I'm not a spiteful person; I just want closure on this issue. I guess I'm just out of luck.

mistoffolees · Apr 30, 2008

schulbl said:
What is the name of your state? Illinois
My wife and I were divorced in 2003. At that time, I left the marriage with only my truck and a boat; giving her the family home, bank accounts and all other assets as I did not want to make it any harder for our two children.
Recently, I received a notice to appear in court to pay increased child support, which I agree with since I do make more money now than I did when we first got divorced, but they want to hold me in contempt of court for not paying my 60% of tuition for our childrens catholic school they attended in 2006. In 2006, I was deployed to Iraq and my mother had my full POA. During this time, she wrote checks out each month for $90, which shows in my checkbook register, and mailed them to my ex, however, my bank accounts show that these checks were never cashed. No calls were ever made to me, or my mother, saying that the checks were never received. I KNOW they were sent!! My mother is so intent that my kids stay in this school (she attended catholic school from kindergarten through college) that she was even paying the tuition when we first got divorced, since neither my ex or I had the funds to do it. I have recently paid the 2007-08 tuition, as I found out my ex has paid nothing. Isn't this contempt of court since I had to pay her 40%? Does my checkbook register have any weight, as far as proving that payments were sent for 2006? Also, my ex was supposed to refinance the house within 6 months of our divorce; at that time I would sign a quit claim deed. She has not done so and has affected my credit record by being >30 days late on two occassions. Isn't this contempt of court? Is there anything I can do? I have not taken her to court for these issues as I did not want to rock the boat and try real hard to get along with her. But I'm tired of trying. Im worn out and am sick of "walking on eggshells" around her. I have no problems fulfilling my financial obligations, as they are for my children, but I'm sick of being made to always look like the bad guy. She will never return my calls and does not keep me informed of the childrens progress in school or tell me of medical appointments. HELP ME PLEASE! On top of everything else, she claimed that her job was too stressful (she designed kitchens and bathrooms for a company) and quit in May of 2007 and hasn't worked since. How could she now obtain financing for her house?

Ultimately, you're not doing anyone any favors by enabling her behavior.

Technically, you are in the wrong as for the $90 checks. There is no way for the court to verify that you actually sent them. You are also wrong for missing the first year tuition payment.

OTOH, your ex failed to pay her amount of the 2007 tuition.

Meanwhile, I think I'd go to court and suggest:
1. You will void the previous checks and give her a new check for the back due amount. I would be apologetic since you were technically wrong, although you clearly showed a good faith effort.
2. You will pay her your share of the 2006 tuition minus the amount of the 2007 tuition you paid on her behalf
3. To avoid future problems, you will have the child support deducted from her paycheck.
4. You want the house sold if she is unable to refinance to take your name off the mortgage.
5. You want her held in contempt for not informing you of issues regarding the children.
6. You didn't make it clear if your divorce was finalized and, if so, what your custody situation is. Assuming you have joint legal custody, send a copy to the school asking them to keep you informed.
7. Consider asking for a change in custody based on her unwillingness to keep you a part of the kids' lives.
8. Did your divorce decree actually give her the house? If so, it's not your problem if she can't afford to keep it up. If she loses it and has no place to stay, you ask the court for physical custody of the kids until she gets straightened out.
9. You're going to end up paying more child support, so you might as well be forward about it and ask the judge to reallocate child support based on state guidelines, but suggest that he use her previous income for the calculation (if it's relevant in your state, that is) since she quit a perfectly good job for no good reason.

But before doing any of that, consult an attorney. I'm not a lawyer, so some (or all) of that advice might not apply to your situation.

Good luck.

schulbl · Apr 30, 2008

Thanks again for responding.
Yes, the divorce decree states that she is awarded the house and is to refinance withing 6 months. Once financing is obtained, in her name, the defendant (me) is to sign a quit claim deed. Obviously, I have not signed the deed since she did not fulfill her part of the bargain. Now, if the house has to be sold, am I eligible for any of the profits from the sale?
Another issue I forgot to mention is that while I was in Iraq, my company paid the difference in salary from what the military was paying me and what I would have made in my civilian job. Since child support is taken directly from my check, my company only took 25% of the difference. In other words, my mother had to figure, each month, what the amount to be made up was. She sent checks directly to the SDU who in turn disbursed them to my ex. On one occassion, the state was late in paying and my mother issued another check as she was afraid that it had been lost in the mail. So, my ex actually received an overpayment on the support. I told her, verbally, to keep it and apply it to tuition, which she is claiming I never paid. Can I get the overpayment back? The state is sending me all documentation to show that there was an overpayment on my part.

mistoffolees · Apr 30, 2008

schulbl said:
Thanks again for responding.
Yes, the divorce decree states that she is awarded the house and is to refinance withing 6 months. Once financing is obtained, in her name, the defendant (me) is to sign a quit claim deed. Obviously, I have not signed the deed since she did not fulfill her part of the bargain. Now, if the house has to be sold, am I eligible for any of the profits from the sale?
Another issue I forgot to mention is that while I was in Iraq, my company paid the difference in salary from what the military was paying me and what I would have made in my civilian job. Since child support is taken directly from my check, my company only took 25% of the difference. In other words, my mother had to figure, each month, what the amount to be made up was. She sent checks directly to the SDU who in turn disbursed them to my ex. On one occassion, the state was late in paying and my mother issued another check as she was afraid that it had been lost in the mail. So, my ex actually received an overpayment on the support. I told her, verbally, to keep it and apply it to tuition, which she is claiming I never paid. Can I get the overpayment back? The state is sending me all documentation to show that there was an overpayment on my part.

I don't think you'll be entitled to any profits from the sale. OTOH, you could presumably collect any actual damages from her (but since you'll never be able to calculate your financial loss for her two late payments, it's not worth worrying about).

I don't think anything changes what I said above. Take all the amounts you paid and the amounts you should have paid and offer to pay them to even things out (even better, have your attorney put the money into an escrow account before you go to court). Then you're going to have to ask the judge to hold her in contempt for not refinancing - and if she can't refinance, she has to sell the house.

contempt of court

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schulbl

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