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Separtion and children

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[email protected]

Junior Member
What is the name of your state? Arizona
I am in the process of filing out my divorce papers. I am still living under the same roof as my soon to be ex-husband because of financial issues. I cannot afford to move out on my own yet. I have a 5 year old son, and my husband is making this process of divorce extremely difficult. He has had me under his thumb since we have been married (10 years) and is not only controlling, but a very angry bitter person. I have concerns about my sons welfare, and although I have told him he can see him whenever possible, anytime he wants after the divorce.
After my son gets out of school this summer he was planning a trip with him for a week, now he says he is taking him for 2...he wants me to move out of the house as soon as possible after I told him I was going to take a vacation of my own while he and my son were gone. I would be traveling with a friend, and he told me "NO, You may not..."
My question is, do i need to file for a separtion before I file for divorce, and if so, is there any way, without hurting the relationship between my son and his father, to set up a temorary parenting schedule. If so, does he have the right to tell me what I can and can't do on my own time until we become legally separted or divorced.
I can't live like this much longer, but have limited alternatives.
Please help, anyone.
 


mistoffolees

Senior Member
What is the name of your state? Arizona
I am in the process of filing out my divorce papers. I am still living under the same roof as my soon to be ex-husband because of financial issues. I cannot afford to move out on my own yet. I have a 5 year old son, and my husband is making this process of divorce extremely difficult. He has had me under his thumb since we have been married (10 years) and is not only controlling, but a very angry bitter person. I have concerns about my sons welfare, and although I have told him he can see him whenever possible, anytime he wants after the divorce.
After my son gets out of school this summer he was planning a trip with him for a week, now he says he is taking him for 2...he wants me to move out of the house as soon as possible after I told him I was going to take a vacation of my own while he and my son were gone. I would be traveling with a friend, and he told me "NO, You may not..."
My question is, do i need to file for a separtion before I file for divorce, and if so, is there any way, without hurting the relationship between my son and his father, to set up a temorary parenting schedule. If so, does he have the right to tell me what I can and can't do on my own time until we become legally separted or divorced.
I can't live like this much longer, but have limited alternatives.
Please help, anyone.
You don't need to file for separation first - you can file for divorce. After you file for divorce, he can't tell you when you can take vacation (actually, he can't tell you when to take vacation now, either). Talk with an attorney - if he takes the son out of state after you file for divorce, it could cause problems for him.

When you file for divorce, you can negotiate a temporary visitation schedule. However, do NOT move out of the house until your attorney tells you that you're covered.
 

[email protected]

Junior Member
Thank you so much.
Also, I have another question about spousal maintenence. I was working full time before the birth of my son, but never returned full time afterwards to care for my son at home. In that time, I attended on-line college for almost 3 years and obtained an assoiate degree in design. I am currenly working from home doing freelance work, which has barely been enough income to pay my own bills. After the divorce I know I will be woking out of the home, hopefully during the hours my son is in school, but am wondering if spousal maintenence is something I may be entitled to. I am not sure that my income from my business alone as well as another job would be enough to support my son and I during this transistion.
 

mistoffolees

Senior Member
Thank you so much.
Also, I have another question about spousal maintenence. I was working full time before the birth of my son, but never returned full time afterwards to care for my son at home. In that time, I attended on-line college for almost 3 years and obtained an assoiate degree in design. I am currenly working from home doing freelance work, which has barely been enough income to pay my own bills. After the divorce I know I will be woking out of the home, hopefully during the hours my son is in school, but am wondering if spousal maintenence is something I may be entitled to. I am not sure that my income from my business alone as well as another job would be enough to support my son and I during this transistion.
Best to ask a local attorney. In general, the factors considered are length of marriage, each spouse's relative income (or, in some cases, income earning POTENTIAL), and sometimes other factors. You will probably be expected to work full time, though, even if it means day care.
 

Bali Hai

Senior Member
Thank you so much.
Also, I have another question about spousal maintenence. I was working full time before the birth of my son, but never returned full time afterwards to care for my son at home. In that time, I attended on-line college for almost 3 years and obtained an assoiate degree in design. I am currenly working from home doing freelance work, which has barely been enough income to pay my own bills. After the divorce I know I will be woking out of the home, hopefully during the hours my son is in school, but am wondering if spousal maintenence is something I may be entitled to. I am not sure that my income from my business alone as well as another job would be enough to support my son and I during this transistion.
Well then it's time to abandon the non-income producing, cushy quasi-job and get a REAL one!!

Go to the nearest factory, brick-laying, bus driving, auto. mechanic, carpenter, plumbing, businesses and start applying!!! You may just have to get your hands dirty!!!
 

Bali Hai

Senior Member
Best to ask a local attorney. In general, the factors considered are length of marriage, each spouse's relative income (or, in some cases, income earning POTENTIAL), and sometimes other factors. You will probably be expected to work full time, though, even if it means day care.
And who will require this expectation?? If it's the court, then it should be in the form of a COURT ORDER, just like the court order requires the alimony paying spouse to work!!
 

nextwife

Senior Member
What is the name of your state? Arizona
I am in the process of filing out my divorce papers. I am still living under the same roof as my soon to be ex-husband because of financial issues. I cannot afford to move out on my own yet. I have a 5 year old son, and my husband is making this process of divorce extremely difficult. He has had me under his thumb since we have been married (10 years) and is not only controlling, but a very angry bitter person. I have concerns about my sons welfare, and although I have told him he can see him whenever possible, anytime he wants after the divorce.
After my son gets out of school this summer he was planning a trip with him for a week, now he says he is taking him for 2...he wants me to move out of the house as soon as possible after I told him I was going to take a vacation of my own while he and my son were gone. I would be traveling with a friend, and he told me "NO, You may not..."
My question is, do i need to file for a separtion before I file for divorce, and if so, is there any way, without hurting the relationship between my son and his father, to set up a temorary parenting schedule. If so, does he have the right to tell me what I can and can't do on my own time until we become legally separted or divorced.
I can't live like this much longer, but have limited alternatives.
Please help, anyone.
I'm confused- You keep saying "My son". Is this a child of another man, or your husband's child?
 

mistoffolees

Senior Member
And who will require this expectation?? If it's the court, then it should be in the form of a COURT ORDER, just like the court order requires the alimony paying spouse to work!!
That is not correct. The court can not require someone to work. They can require someone to pay alimony, but it doesn't matter if he/she gets it from working, from assets, from an inheritance, or as a gift.

Similarly, the court can not require an alimony-receiving person to work. The court can, and usually does, impute some income if they choose not to work.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
You don't need to file for separation first - you can file for divorce. After you file for divorce, he can't tell you when you can take vacation (actually, he can't tell you when to take vacation now, either). Talk with an attorney - if he takes the son out of state after you file for divorce, it could cause problems for him.
When you file for divorce, you can negotiate a temporary visitation schedule. However, do NOT move out of the house until your attorney tells you that you're covered.
That is most likely misleading. Unless the court order RESTRICTS either parent from traveling with the child outside the state it is not an issue. Removing the child from the jurisdiction of the court means MOVING THE CHILD outside the jurisdiction. Not a temporary vacation.
 

Bali Hai

Senior Member
That is not correct. The court can not require someone to work. They can require someone to pay alimony, but it doesn't matter if he/she gets it from working, from assets, from an inheritance, or as a gift.

Similarly, the court can not require an alimony-receiving person to work. The court can, and usually does, impute some income if they choose not to work.
I would hazard a WAG and say that MOST alimony payors WORK to pay the alimony and the courts are very well aware of this!!

The courts are also very aware that when they do award alimony, it REDUCES the incentive of the alimony receiver to work and EARN a living for themselves!!
 
Chris

Congrats on working so hard to get your degree online while being a full time Mom...that could not have been easy. Maintenance is definitely possible for a marriage of ten years or more (considered a marriage of duration), but you will also get some help from child support. If you must work outside of the house, you may even be able to get a contribution for child care expenses. Keep in mind that after you are divorced you will be able to file as Head of Household and get the Earned Income tax credit as well...even if your ex is given the dependency exemption for your son. I agree you should file for divorce and get a temporary parenting agreement that requires notification and specifics, as well as limits duration of any out of State travel. Also I don't recommend you leave the residience for any extended period of time until you secure all financial records and document all marital possesions. If you are in an abusive situation...try not to discuss any hot issues in private. Any other questions...feel free to ask Good Luck
 
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Bali Hai

Senior Member
Chris

Congrats on working so hard to get your degree online while being a full time Mom...that could not have been easy. Maintenance is definitely possible for a marriage of ten years or more (considered a marriage of duration), but you will also get some help from child support. If you must work outside of the house, you may even be able to get a contribution for child care expenses. Keep in mind that after you are divorced you will be able to file as Head of Household and get the Earned Income tax credit as well...even if your ex is given the dependency exemption for your son. I agree you should file for divorce and get a temporary parenting agreement that requires notification and specifics, as well as limits duration of any out of State travel. Also I don't recommend you leave the residience for any extended period of time until you secure all financial records and document all marital possesions. If you are in an abusive situation...try not to discuss any hot issues in private. Any other questions...fell free to ask Good Luck
Who the hell says she is going to GET CS??? She may just end up PAYING CS!!!!
 

mistoffolees

Senior Member
I would hazard a WAG and say that MOST alimony payors WORK to pay the alimony and the courts are very well aware of this!!
Which is not the same thing as your statement that the courts force alimony payers to work.

The courts are also very aware that when they do award alimony, it REDUCES the incentive of the alimony receiver to work and EARN a living for themselves!!
Alimony is typically awarded to help with a transition period and most recipients end up having to support themselves, anyway. There is plenty of incentive for the recipient to get and keep a job. My ex is receiving enough alimony to support herself without any problem - yet she still went out and got a good job. It amounts to significant incremental income for her, so there's plenty of incentive for her to work.
 

mistoffolees

Senior Member
That is most likely misleading. Unless the court order RESTRICTS either parent from traveling with the child outside the state it is not an issue. Removing the child from the jurisdiction of the court means MOVING THE CHILD outside the jurisdiction. Not a temporary vacation.
True. But if the vacation is more than a few days, he can run to court for an emergency hearing claiming that she fled the state to escape the court's jurisdiction. Since she's not there, he can make up all sorts of things - telling the court that she said he'd never see the kid again, and so on. Will he win? Probably not, but it could be expensive for her - and it might start things off on the wrong foot with the judge.

It's better to play it safe, at least for a while.
 

Silverplum

Senior Member
Congrats on working so hard to get your degree online while being a full time Mom...that could not have been easy.
And she will never make a good living at it. It's not a high-income producing type of job.
MFinancier said:
but you will also get some help from child support.
Bali's correct. We NEVER say that as an absolute.
Who says she will get primary custody and support? You? Well, if you're wrong, I'm sure you will send her a monthly check each month to make up the difference.
 

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