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Spouse in total denial

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G

Gettnout

Member
What is the name of your state? Massachusetts

Hi there,
How long can a spouse in denial drag out a divorce? In a nutshell, he is in total denial despite me telling him I don't love him anymore, the marriage is over etc. He's been treating me badly including cheating on me (i have proof for that), and he is registered with every singles site online, including gay sites. Found emails where he is giving out his contact info incl phone number, also posting nude pics of himself there, soliciting sex. Confronting him with that he claims "someone must have signed me up" LOL - just to give you an idea what I'm dealing with here.

Point is every time I try to approach the subject divorce he freaks out, claims he loves me, doesnt want a divorce, telling me I shoudl get a grip on life and grow up.The next day or even the same day he behaves as if we never brought up that topic. Well guess what, meeting a lawyer next week and we will proceed from there.

NOW: I'm expecting him to totally ignore any paperwork that comes from the lawyer (just as he ignores all mail, incl. IRS which i will get to in anther posting). HOW LONG can this be dragged out and what happens if he refuses to sign anything?
We dont have any assets, no kids either. The car is in both our names but he doesnt drive. What if he refuses to sign that over to me? I really expect him to do that.
Can I be taken off the lease at any time? We are on a month-to-month lease now.
Have more questions but this is it for now.

Thank you all so much.
 


M

mistoffolees

Senior Member
Gettnout said:
What is the name of your state? Massachusetts

Hi there,
How long can a spouse in denial drag out a divorce? In a nutshell, he is in total denial despite me telling him I don't love him anymore, the marriage is over etc. He's been treating me badly including cheating on me (i have proof for that), and he is registered with every singles site online, including gay sites. Found emails where he is giving out his contact info incl phone number, also posting nude pics of himself there, soliciting sex. Confronting him with that he claims "someone must have signed me up" LOL - just to give you an idea what I'm dealing with here.

Point is every time I try to approach the subject divorce he freaks out, claims he loves me, doesnt want a divorce, telling me I shoudl get a grip on life and grow up.The next day or even the same day he behaves as if we never brought up that topic. Well guess what, meeting a lawyer next week and we will proceed from there.

NOW: I'm expecting him to totally ignore any paperwork that comes from the lawyer (just as he ignores all mail, incl. IRS which i will get to in anther posting). HOW LONG can this be dragged out and what happens if he refuses to sign anything?
We dont have any assets, no kids either. The car is in both our names but he doesnt drive. What if he refuses to sign that over to me? I really expect him to do that.
Can I be taken off the lease at any time? We are on a month-to-month lease now.
Have more questions but this is it for now.

Thank you all so much.
Click to expand...
You get an attorney and file for divorce. You request a default judgment. You make sure that he is properly served with the papers. If he doesn't show up in court, you win and you get a divorce.

Until then, don't do anything that can be construed as attacking him or trying to starve him into submission.
 
Ohiogal

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
What is the name of your state? Massachusetts

Hi there,
How long can a spouse in denial drag out a divorce? In a nutshell, he is in total denial despite me telling him I don't love him anymore, the marriage is over etc. He's been treating me badly including cheating on me (i have proof for that), and he is registered with every singles site online, including gay sites. Found emails where he is giving out his contact info incl phone number, also posting nude pics of himself there, soliciting sex. Confronting him with that he claims "someone must have signed me up" LOL - just to give you an idea what I'm dealing with here.
Click to expand...
Are you positive that it was not someone else?
Point is every time I try to approach the subject divorce he freaks out, claims he loves me, doesnt want a divorce, telling me I shoudl get a grip on life and grow up.The next day or even the same day he behaves as if we never brought up that topic. Well guess what, meeting a lawyer next week and we will proceed from there.
Click to expand...
Okay.
NOW: I'm expecting him to totally ignore any paperwork that comes from the lawyer (just as he ignores all mail, incl. IRS which i will get to in anther posting). HOW LONG can this be dragged out and what happens if he refuses to sign anything?
Click to expand...
He doesn't have to sign anything.

We dont have any assets, no kids either. The car is in both our names but he doesnt drive. What if he refuses to sign that over to me? I really expect him to do that.
Click to expand...
It is marital property and an asset. Doesn't matter if he drives or not. You may owe him some money.

Can I be taken off the lease at any time? We are on a month-to-month lease now.
Have more questions but this is it for now.
Click to expand...
If it is a month to month you only need to give 30 days notice and then move.
 
G

Gettnout

Member
LOL ok will behave until then :D

Thank you, that was already helpful.

Next, he will be served July 1, I plan on moving to CA September 1. Does that sound feasable? As far as I know I dont have to be around until the divorce is final..?

NOW, picturing the highly unlikely scenario of him not causing probs - does anybody here have experience regarding the timeframe of divorce in MA in case everything goes smoothly? (wishful thinking)

And AGAIN, what is the LONGEST this can be dragged out?:confused:

Thanks again.
 
G

Gettnout

Member
@Ohiogal

Found emails where he is giving out his contact info incl phone number, also posting nude pics of himself there, soliciting sex. Confronting him with that he claims "someone must have signed me up" LOL - just to give you an idea what I'm dealing with here.


You are asking if I'm sure it was HIM signing up - YES I have proof for that, varioius emails that confirm him becoming a member on these sites.
 
S

Silverplum

Senior Member
Gettnout said:
@Ohiogal

Found emails where he is giving out his contact info incl phone number, also posting nude pics of himself there, soliciting sex. Confronting him with that he claims "someone must have signed me up" LOL - just to give you an idea what I'm dealing with here.


You are asking if I'm sure it was HIM signing up - YES I have proof for that, varioius emails that confirm him becoming a member on these sites.
Click to expand...
If you don't have minor children, and you're not divorcing in a "fault" state on a "fault" divorce basis, this doesn't matter a bit. I mean, you're divorcing him. Here's one reason why.
 
B

Bali Hai

Senior Member
Gettnout said:
@Ohiogal

Found emails where he is giving out his contact info incl phone number, also posting nude pics of himself there, soliciting sex. Confronting him with that he claims "someone must have signed me up" LOL - just to give you an idea what I'm dealing with here.


You are asking if I'm sure it was HIM signing up - YES I have proof for that, varioius emails that confirm him becoming a member on these sites.
Click to expand...
Well if you were honoring your marital contract and performing the services that he is outsourcing, you wouldn't have driven him to this!!!
 
V

VeronicaLodge

Senior Member
Gettnout said:
LOL ok will behave until then :D

Thank you, that was already helpful.

Next, he will be served July 1, I plan on moving to CA September 1. Does that sound feasable? As far as I know I dont have to be around until the divorce is final..?

NOW, picturing the highly unlikely scenario of him not causing probs - does anybody here have experience regarding the timeframe of divorce in MA in case everything goes smoothly? (wishful thinking)

And AGAIN, what is the LONGEST this can be dragged out?:confused:

Thanks again.
Click to expand...
why are you waiting until july 1 to serve him, file today and serve tomorrow.
 
G

Gettnout

Member
Yes I thought about that. As I said, meeting with a lawyer next week and we will discuss an earlier date.
The problem is I have to go on two trips before that, family business abroad and the other one is job related and he might pull something funny on me in my absence, changing locks comes to mind immediately.
 
G

Gettnout

Member
Bali Hai said:
Well if you were honoring your marital contract and performing the services that he is outsourcing, you wouldn't have driven him to this!!!
Click to expand...
Who are you to judge what is going on and has been going on for about 3 years. Too dumb to even comment on that.
 
ShyCat

ShyCat

Senior Member
Based on Bali Hai's latest excremental offering...

Well if you were honoring your marital contract and performing the services that he is outsourcing, you wouldn't have driven him to this!!!
Click to expand...
... one can reasonably suspect the reason he is now divorced. Classic abuser excuse.
 
M

MFinancier

Member
Gettnout

I agree...file right away...you may have to go to trial to get a final decree....and that may take months. Motions for continuances are easy to get...but most people drag things out to benefit monetarily or fight over kids. If you have neither...it shouldn't take long to get a pretrial and then a trial date. The prospects of legal fees should get your soon to be ex motivated. Don't be too hasty fiquring out you finances however. Make sure there are no deferrred retirement benefits, hidden debts or back taxes you don't know about. I recommend you do a little homework as well as a credit check. And hey...I'm here just to help...not pass judgement.
 
M

mistoffolees

Senior Member
Gettnout said:
Yes I thought about that. As I said, meeting with a lawyer next week and we will discuss an earlier date.
The problem is I have to go on two trips before that, family business abroad and the other one is job related and he might pull something funny on me in my absence, changing locks comes to mind immediately.
Click to expand...
There's absolutely no reason to wait until July. Even if you're traveling, the attorney can file for you. If there are any questions, you can handle it by phone or email. Since it's probably going to be a simple divorce (no kids and limited assets), it shouldn't take months just to file.

I thought it was a rental. How is he going to change the locks without the landlord's permission? And if your name is on the lease, he can't legally keep you out, anyway.
 
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