Am I OK or should I worry? (sorry about the sob story)

Joe1979 said:

OK, I am 25 and have been married for about 3 years. My wife told me that she was unhappy in the marriage and wanted out. She didnt have a reason she just wanted out. I make about $85k a year and she has been in college since we have been married and hasnt worked. She will graduate from nursing school in about a year. Everything is in my name. I have a decent amount of stuff but no equity in anything. I have about $15k in credit card debt along with some other debts.

I was informed today that she wanted $1k a month for "maintenance fees" with no splitting any debt!! Is this actually possible? I mean this is robbery and am I actually going to get punished for not making this perfectly healthy educated girl not work and "concentrate" on studying? I just thought I would get some opinions and advice...if anyone can help, please do so. (I live in the state of MO)

thanks,

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LdiJ said:

The odds of her getting any maintenance/alimony/spousal support are slim to none for a three year marriage, with perhaps an exception for temporary support while the divorce is pending.

She would normally be responsible for 1/2 of the marital debt, as well as be entitled to 1/2of the marital assets. Marital assets include all home furnishings, cars, 401k accounts, home equity, bank accounts, stock accounts etc....everything that accrued during the marriage, and since you are only 25, whatever you have likely accrued during the marriage.

She WILL be responsible for 1/2 the marital debt unless the court cuts her a break because she's a woman!!

However....I will give you a bit of unpopular advice. Your credit score matters to you. You make enough money that you would be doing yourself a favor to take on the marital debt yourself, and being responsible for handling it yourself. Yes, you could make her responsible for 1/2 of it, but in reality you are the one who is going to be damaged if she doesn't pay. The creditors are NOT parties to your divorce and are only bound by the credit agreements. Since you are the one with money, you are the one they will "ding". Do yourself a favor and just accept responsibility for the marital debt. You will be better off in the long run.

You've got to be sh!tting me!! He gets the judgement making her responsible for 1/2 the debt whether he has to pay the debt himself or not. Then he can hound her for the rest of her life collecting. Sound familiar???

Give her half of the household items (furnishings, dishes, etc.), make sure she has a functioning car (preferibly paid off...an older, well functioning, used model is just fine), take on the marital debt, and walk away. You will be better off in the long run, and you will end up spending a whole lot less on attorneys. It might even be wise to sweeten the pot by throwing in a couple of grand in cash.

GIVE her a car??? Take on ALL of the marital debt??? Sweeten the pot??? I think he should GIVE her a good swift kick in the ass on the way to the court room!!!!!!

The alternative is a potentially long and drawn out court battle, costing you significant attorney fees and possibly making you responsible for HER attorney fees as well.

That could happen no matter how NICE he is!! She's looking for a $1000/mo after a three year marriage. She clearly needs a WAKEUP CALL!!

Again however, you absolutely should NOT agree to any alimony/spousal support/maintenance. A three year marriage doesn't warrant that.

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Bali Hai said:

A marriage of ANY duration doesn't warrant alimony!!!1

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LdiJ said:

Bali, sometimes you can't see the forest for the trees.

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LdiJ said:

The odds of her getting any maintenance/alimony/spousal support are slim to none for a three year marriage, with perhaps an exception for temporary support while the divorce is pending.

She would normally be responsible for 1/2 of the marital debt, as well as be entitled to 1/2of the marital assets. Marital assets include all home furnishings, cars, 401k accounts, home equity, bank accounts, stock accounts etc....everything that accrued during the marriage, and since you are only 25, whatever you have likely accrued during the marriage.

However....I will give you a bit of unpopular advice. Your credit score matters to you. You make enough money that you would be doing yourself a favor to take on the marital debt yourself, and being responsible for handling it yourself. Yes, you could make her responsible for 1/2 of it, but in reality you are the one who is going to be damaged if she doesn't pay. The creditors are NOT parties to your divorce and are only bound by the credit agreements. Since you are the one with money, you are the one they will "ding". Do yourself a favor and just accept responsibility for the marital debt. You will be better off in the long run.

Give her half of the household items (furnishings, dishes, etc.), make sure she has a functioning car (preferibly paid off...an older, well functioning, used model is just fine), take on the marital debt, and walk away. You will be better off in the long run, and you will end up spending a whole lot less on attorneys. It might even be wise to sweeten the pot by throwing in a couple of grand in cash.

The alternative is a potentially long and drawn out court battle, costing you significant attorney fees and possibly making you responsible for HER attorney fees as well.

Again however, you absolutely should NOT agree to any alimony/spousal support/maintenance. A three year marriage doesn't warrant that.

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fairisfair said:

I have to agree with Bali...

ARE YOU F'ING KIDDING ME???

You are advising this poster to take all the debt, give her 1/2 of all of the assets and throw in a car so she doesn't have to carry all their stuff down the road???

Maybe he should ask if she wants him to pay the rest of her schooling too???? and I am sure she would like a fur coat and some jewelry.

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LdiJ said:

Yes, I am. Why? Because in the end it will probably cost him a whole lot less money, and preserve his credit score. I have seen too many decent earning people, end up with rotten credit scores, because their ex didn't pay their half of the marital debt.

Also, I am not suggesting 1/2 of the assets. I am suggesting a functioning car, half of the "personal" type possessions and a small amount of cash. I honestly think that it will cost him less money in the long run. He should keep any other assets (401ks, savings, stock funds, better cars etc) in exchange for keeping the marital debt.

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Zephyr said:

15K in cc debt.....while a lot of money in general terms is not that much as far as "debt" goes in this day and age.....AND he could easily spend at least that fighting for her to be ordered to pay half of that and fighting the request for alimony....he takes the debt in exchange for her share of certain assets- that's equitable.....

sorry- but I can see the logic here......and the non-monetary benefits...if she accepts the deal....he doesn't have a year or more of high stress litigations that could impact his job performance or endanger his job by him having to miss work

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Zephyr said:

15K in cc debt.....while a lot of money in general terms is not that much as far as "debt" goes in this day and age.....AND he could easily spend at least that fighting for her to be ordered to pay half of that and fighting the request for alimony....he takes the debt in exchange for her share of certain assets- that's equitable.....

sorry- but I can see the logic here......and the non-monetary benefits...if she accepts the deal....he doesn't have a year or more of high stress litigations that could impact his job performance or endanger his job by him having to miss work

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Bali Hai said:

And the snake will continue to eat it's own tail UNTIL women are held just as accountable as men in divorce cases!!

The more that women are pampered by the husbands, lawyers and courts in divorce cases, the more other married women will expect to GET AWAY WITH in future divorces. You see, women TALK to each other regarding these matters much more than men do!!

I say put the brakes on these "pie in the sky" women in ALL divorces and just maybe then parity will be reached at some point!!!

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ere's where I am in a little bit of disagreement.Without knowing the climate of the court, I can't honestly tell you that offering to legally take on all the debt should be used as a bargaining chip.(Or that it will be in your best interest) Just because you choose to pay for all the debt does not mean that the ex should not be ordered to pay half the debt.

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mommyof4 said:

Bingo**************

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