Am I responsible for my wifes credit cards?

What is the name of your state? New York

I have been married to wife for 12 years, it has been horrible most of my marriage, but we tried to work it our for my 12 year old daughter

recently been getting worst, arguing constantly, i been telling my wife i want a divorce, that i cannot live like this anymore, she refuses, She does not work, she home schools my daughter, which is one reason i think she does not want to give me a divorce.

The fighting has got out of hand from her, she is extremely verbal abusive, when we fight, she will never stop and goes forever and it just escalates, i have never cheated on her or ever hit her, but she has thrown things at me, the other day she hit me with an item and bruised my ankle, she claims it was an accident, and i was going to call the police but she stopped me. I admit I am not perfect myself, but she just drives me insane

She told me if i want a divorce fine but lets refinance so not to leave her with all the bills, i had no idea that one of her credit cards has $30K on it, i was stupid and trusted her to do the bills, my other mistake

I am the sole provider, and this credit is in her name but somehow shows up on my credit report i am not sure how, I do not remember co signing, will i be responsible for this debt? should i just refinance and take care of this debt?

How much alimony am I going to have to pay out for the rest of my life? I make approximately $100K a year.

trapped1001 said:

What is the name of your state? New York

I have been married to wife for 12 years, it has been horrible most of my marriage, but we tried to work it our for my 12 year old daughter

recently been getting worst, arguing constantly, i been telling my wife i want a divorce, that i cannot live like this anymore, she refuses, She does not work, she home schools my daughter, which is one reason i think she does not want to give me a divorce.

The fighting has got out of hand from her, she is extremely verbal abusive, when we fight, she will never stop and goes forever and it just escalates, i have never cheated on her or ever hit her, but she has thrown things at me, the other day she hit me with an item and bruised my ankle, she claims it was an accident, and i was going to call the police but she stopped me. I admit I am not perfect myself, but she just drives me insane

She told me if i want a divorce fine but lets refinance so not to leave her with all the bills, i had no idea that one of her credit cards has $30K on it, i was stupid and trusted her to do the bills, my other mistake

I am the sole provider, and this credit is in her name but somehow shows up on my credit report i am not sure how, I do not remember co signing, will i be responsible for this debt? should i just refinance and take care of this debt?

How much alimony am I going to have to pay out for the rest of my life? I make approximately $100K a year.

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In a divorce you would each be responsible for 1/2 of the marital debt (no matter whose specific name it is in) and be entitled to 1/2 of the marital assets.

IRAs and 401ks, stock funds etc that accrued during the marriage are marital assets.

Whoever keeps a specific asset, would be responsible for any debt remaining for that specific asset (mortgages, car loans etc.)

If refinancing cleans up marital debt, then that is generally a wise thing to do. If not, then whoever keeps the marital home generally has to refinance anyway, to buy out the other party's share of the home equity. Personally, if it was feasible I would refinance to get rid of the debt, and then divide any remaining equity.

You may or may not have to pay any alimony. Your marriage has been long enough that you may have to pay some short term alimony to assist your wife in getting some education to help her become self supportive. However long term or permanent alimony isn't likely. You also will likely be paying child support as well, because even if you share your child equally, as the higher income parent you will have to pay some child support.

NY requires "grounds" for divorce unless you are both in agreement to the divorce, and have a 1 year legal separation first.

trapped1001 said:

What is the name of your state? New York

I have been married to wife for 12 years, it has been horrible most of my marriage, but we tried to work it our for my 12 year old daughter

recently been getting worst, arguing constantly, i been telling my wife i want a divorce, that i cannot live like this anymore, she refuses, She does not work, she home schools my daughter, which is one reason i think she does not want to give me a divorce.

The fighting has got out of hand from her, she is extremely verbal abusive, when we fight, she will never stop and goes forever and it just escalates, i have never cheated on her or ever hit her, but she has thrown things at me, the other day she hit me with an item and bruised my ankle, she claims it was an accident, and i was going to call the police but she stopped me. I admit I am not perfect myself, but she just drives me insane

She told me if i want a divorce fine but lets refinance so not to leave her with all the bills, i had no idea that one of her credit cards has $30K on it, i was stupid and trusted her to do the bills, my other mistake

I am the sole provider, and this credit is in her name but somehow shows up on my credit report i am not sure how, I do not remember co signing, will i be responsible for this debt? should i just refinance and take care of this debt?

How much alimony am I going to have to pay out for the rest of my life? I make approximately $100K a year.

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Hopefully Penelope10 or LdiJ will wander in .... they know much more than I would.

However, I would suggest that you look into the credit card account showing on your CR ... find out if you are a "co-signer" or a secondary card holder ...

If you're a co-signer and you didn't sign the application/agreement, I'd consider it fraud or forgery ... and the CC company would be the ones (and possibly the police as well -- as I said, Penelope10 would have excellent advice on this topic) to report it to.

LdiJ said:

In a divorce you would each be responsible for 1/2 of the marital debt (no matter whose specific name it is in) and be entitled to 1/2 of the marital assets.

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Wouldn't it matter if she obtained a credit card with his name on it, without his ever signing anything for it?? Or would that be too hard to prove? Or would it not even matter, anyway?

Not questioning your advice, just curious!

Thanks for all advice

Found out I was a secondary


So how would that effect me?

I do not mind paying child support at all she is my daughter and want to do what is right


If she refuses to give me divorce can I just leave on own

Or would that be considered abandmandment and would it be held against me?

trapped1001 said:

Thanks for all advice

Found out I was a secondary


So how would that effect me?

I do not mind paying child support at all she is my daughter and want to do what is right


If she refuses to give me divorce can I just leave on own

Or would that be considered abandmandment and would it be held against me?

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First of all did you ever use your credit card on this account? If so, this could be considered implied assent even if you didn't sign a credit application. You need to call the cc co and find out what is going on. If you have a marital home I would not suggest leaving. She can leave.

Men can be victims of domestic abuse as well as woman. Check with the county you live in for a domestic abuse center. They can provide a wealth of information and really be of a provide a lot of aid in helping you find the services you may need

penelope10 said:

First of all did you ever use your credit card on this account. If so, this could be considered implied assent even if you didn't sign a credit application. You need to call the cc co and find out what is going on. If you have a marital home I would not suggest leaving. She can leave.

Men can be victims of domestic abuse as well as woman. Check with the county you live in for a domestic violence center. They can provide a wealth of services and really be of a lot of help to you in helping you get the help you need.

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You really aren't suggesting that he try to claim domestic violence based on what he has described?...particularly when we have only his side of the story?

cvdesign said:

Wouldn't it matter if she obtained a credit card with his name on it, without his ever signing anything for it?? Or would that be too hard to prove? Or would it not even matter, anyway?

Not questioning your advice, just curious!

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It would still be marital debt if it accrued during the marriage, therefore its irrelevant. Now, if she had done something like that AFTER they divorced, that would be a different story.

trapped1001 said:

Thanks for all advice

Found out I was a secondary


So how would that effect me?

I do not mind paying child support at all she is my daughter and want to do what is right


If she refuses to give me divorce can I just leave on own

Or would that be considered abandmandment and would it be held against me?

Click to expand...

You can leave and no it would not be abandonment. However, you had better be prepared to keep paying the bills if you do leave...because its your credit that's on the line.
Personally, I would not recommend leaving until you have a legal separation in place, outlining everyone's financial responsibility during your separation.

LdiJ said:

You can leave and no it would not be abandonment. However, you had better be prepared to keep paying the bills if you do leave...because its your credit that's on the line.
Personally, I would not recommend leaving until you have a legal separation in place, outlining everyone's financial responsibility during your separation.

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i had no idea there was a term called legal separation, i thought separation just meant living not in same house


problem is if i keep living here, fights will just keep getting worst and worst not necessarily in terms of physical violence but emotional and is not healthy for my daughter


how do i go about doing that if wife does not want this? I need a lawyer right?

penelope10 said:

First of all did you ever use your credit card on this account? If so, this could be considered implied assent even if you didn't sign a credit application. You need to call the cc co and find out what is going on. If you have a marital home I would not suggest leaving. She can leave.

Men can be victims of domestic abuse as well as woman. Check with the county you live in for a domestic abuse center. They can provide a wealth of information and really be of a provide a lot of aid in helping you find the services you may need

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no i never used this credit card at all, dont even have my own card that i am aware of

trapped1001 said:

i had no idea there was a term called legal separation, i thought separation just meant living not in same house


problem is if i keep living here, fights will just keep getting worst and worst not necessarily in terms of physical violence but emotional and is not healthy for my daughter


how do i go about doing that if wife does not want this? I need a lawyer right?

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Yes, you need an attorney. If your wife is smart, once she realizes that you are serious she will comes to terms with it and will agree to a legal separation. Expect finances to be REALLY tight during the legal separation.

New York:
Domestic Relations Law Section 170
DRL 170: Action for divorce

Domestic Relations Law Section 170

Action for divorce

An action for divorce may be maintained by a husband or wife to procure a judgment divorcing the parties and dissolving the marriage on any of the following grounds:


(1) The cruel and inhuman treatment of the plaintiff by the defendant such that the conduct of the defendant so endangers the physical or mental well being of the plaintiff as renders it unsafe or improper for the plaintiff to cohabit with the defendant.


(2) The abandonment of the plaintiff by the defendant for a period of one or more years.


(3) The confinement of the defendant in prison for a period of three or more consecutive years after the marriage of plaintiff and defendant.


(4) The commission of an act of adultery, provided that adultery for the purposes of articles ten, eleven, and eleven-A of this chapter, is hereby defined as the commission of an act of sexual or deviate sexual intercourse, voluntarily performed by the defendant, with a person other than the plaintiff after the marriage of plaintiff and defendant. Deviate sexual intercourse includes, but not limited to, sexual conduct as defined in subdivision two of Section 130.00 and subdivision three of Section 130.20 of the penal law.


(5) The husband and wife have lived apart pursuant to a decree or judgment of separation for a period of one or more years after the granting of such decree or judgment, and satisfactory proof has been submitted by the plaintiff that he or she has substantially performed all the terms and conditions of such decree or judgment.


(6) The husband and wife have lived separate and apart pursuant to a written agreement of separation, subscribed by the parties thereto and acknowledged or proved in the form required to entitle a deed to be recorded, for a period of one or more years after the execution of such agreement and satisfactory proof has been submitted by the plaintiff that he or she has substantially performed all the terms and conditions of such agreement. Such agreement shall be filed in the office of the clerk of the county wherein either party resides. In lieu of filing such agreement, either party to such agreement may file a memorandum of such agreement, which memorandum shall be similarly subscribed and acknowledged or proved as was the agreement of separation and shall contain the following information: (a) the names and addresses of each of the parties, (b) the date of marriage of the parties, (c) the date of the agreement of separation and (d) the date of this subscription and acknowledgment or proof of such agreement of separation.

If you are considering a divorce in NYS, you really should talk to a lawyer and arrange for representation.

Even in a friendly, amicable, mutually minded, divorce.
And you seem clear that yours is not that sort

New York divorce law is cumbersome and exacting, and is not a matter for the pro se (self represented) petitioner, particularly when the matter of a large amount of potentially marital debt needs to be disposed of.

Oh and you make 100k and have no excuse to not pay for a consult...

xylene said:

If you are considering a divorce in NYS, you really should talk to a lawyer and arrange for representation.

Even in a friendly, amicable, mutually minded, divorce.
And you seem clear that yours is not that sort

New York divorce law is cumbersome and exacting, and is not a matter for the pro se (self represented) petitioner, particularly when the matter of a large amount of potentially marital debt needs to be disposed of.

Oh and you make 100k and have no excuse to not pay for a consult...

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100k might sound like a lot of money but when you are a sole provider in NY, it really is peanuts, compared to cost of living here, for example my commuting costs alone is absurd, my train ride is $400 a month, I am not complaining I mean i do ok,


then how do i know i am getting a good lawyer? looking in a phone book is like playing the lottery? I have worst luck when it comes to needing professional services, i tried asking around, but most who got divorced did it amicable

the law is so confusing in NY, I do not want to screw myself

if i knew a really good lawyer who i can trust i would not mind paying a fee

does anyone here know any good NY lawyers who has reasonable fees?


or do i just do random call anyone and pray for the best? what do i look for to know i am getting a good lawyer?