abuse

In Idaho what does the state see as verbal and mental abuse?
And how do you prove it if you dont tell anyone?

Got a tape recorder?

Tig

Yes. I do.But how is that going to work. He can explain I said I was sorry I lost my head I didnt mean it. How do you prove when he turns the power off. He always tells me
he can do what ever he wants it's his house.
He takes my things. I cant fold the towels to it pleases him I cant wear my hair they way I want he tells me how ugly I am and how bad I look. Nothing is ever right.What was right last week isnt this week. It's confusing
I cant win! It's a setup everyday.

So set him up.

You aren't supposed to let him SEE the tape recorder.

Apologizing doesn't make what he said go away.

Tig

I havent I cant get him to stay in the same room when he says things. I cant get all he says. I dont want the kids to see what am doing so I have to leave it til everybody has moved away. How do I set him up? I never thought this
would happen to me.
Do you know the know the laws? Can I ask you a personal question?

Tigres said:

So set him up.

You aren't supposed to let him SEE the tape recorder.

Apologizing doesn't make what he said go away.

Tig

Click to expand...

bbbf said:

I havent I cant get him to stay in the same room when he says things. I cant get all he says. I dont want the kids to see what am doing so I have to leave it til everybody has moved away. How do I set him up? I never thought this
would happen to me.
Do you know the know the laws? Can I ask you a personal question?

Click to expand...

Put the recording device near the door of the room you are in. Stay at the far end. If he wants you to hear what he is saying, he will stay in the room, the hallway or at least the next room. If he is venting at you from another room, ignore him or say What dear? I can't hear you?

Your children are unlikely to see what you are doing. They are likely to see the continued behavior on your significant other's part. I don't see this as a problem.

I do not know the laws specifically for your state. You'll have to ask someone with more time to do research for you. (I've got a year old baby trying to use the mouse while I type this! *s*) Some of the other experts on this board are quite good at doing research.

You can always ask a question. Whether or not you get the answer you need is the real question.

Tig

re

Ok.Do you think it's abuse when any of my friends come over and he eighter yells at me or just flat out rude to me and to them? He picks and belittes me infront of them.
He knows how to embrasses me in a crowd of people he puts
me down to unhuman. NObody laughs it gets quiet. Well you know the rest. Everybody is looking at the floor or some where eles it's so uncomfortable. I hate that. He does this
to me every chance he gets. I cant have any of the kids little friends over he is totally mean to them and worst to me in front of them.
this is his favorite:"how dare you invited any kids over here without my permission it's my house"
it's my house i hear this every day!
He beats on the bathroom door if I shut the door.
He tapes the phone. He smells my underwear.
He takes my things and hides them.
He plays mind games with me every DAY!!

Yes what you describe sounds like abuse. Abusers change the rules constantly its called "crazy making" they have to be unpredictable in order to abuse and commonly use tactics such as restricting access to bank accounts friends relatives and communication with the outside world to stregthen there power over you.Abusers have no power from withen themselves so they have to steal it by making others seem weak......sound like experience? I would stongly suggest you get in touch with a womens shelter.Dont even bother trying to prove it abusers escalate their behavior in order to satisfy their addiction to stealing power from another.

Tell me more about this behavior. It's gotton worst since
he took a higher paying job. The lying is an everyday thing
It's like he thinks I owe him just for breathing. It's like he is going to break me one way or the other. It's a beating every day. YOu owe me. You live here for free!
You pay for it is his standard. He makes 5 times what I do.
I pay all medical groceries,kids clothes,school supplies,clothes soap, towels,blankets,new winter boots every year,all cleaning supplies,
all vactions,all swimming lessons ect..I buy all the gifts for b-days xmas ect ect. He does not buy any thing for his kids. I mean it. But he will buy his sisters kids b-day and xmas presents and it doesnt matter the cost. He informed me the other night that a gallon of milk only cost 99 cents
so where am I hiding all my money.
He took the check book years ago
because didnt jump fast enough so he closed behind my back.
He just cancealed my credit card well it was 2 months ago
I just found out when I went to use it.
What causes this behavior. Do they out grow it? HOw do I deal with it. If I dont do what he demands then there is
always a treat and then there is always so form of pushiment that comes with it. Every thing is his it doesnt matter what it is. It's to the point am hating him at times. I cant breath I cant use the bathroom with the door open. Is this all thats for dinner ?? wheres all your money going? Huh Huh.
Explain to me from within themselves so they have to steal
from others. He feels no remorse he can lie and look me
straight in the eye and not blink how can he do that?

I have a pet theory about how they do it. I was trying to explain it to people (just a few, hubby, mom, that sort of thing) and I finally hit on it.

You see, my ex lies to me about things that he and I both know to be false. Or do we both? At some point in time, the X comes up with an alternate version of a story that makes him look good and me look bad. Then, he starts telling people that story as a self protection method. He backs it up with made up facts. He repeats the story to his girlfriend. His mom. His brother. His boss at work. Etc. One day, he stops remembering what truly happened and starts believing his own story! He's brainwashing himself! AND if he is presented with facts that are contrary to his story, he will accuse ME of fabricating things! HA!

Example: X recently lost his bid in court to have Michigan take jurisdiction. I received an email shortly thereafter where he stated he considered it a victory because I "conceded all further action would take place in Florida"

A week later, X explains the reason he cut off all negotiations and took me to court in Michigan was partly because I "insisted he acknowledge Florida had jurisdiction".

This was one of the friendlier exchanges. I won't go into the messier ones, it's just not worth it!

If he is verbally/mentally abusive to the children as well, you need to petition for any protection that is to cover you to cover them as well.

The truly sad thing about this, you will not discover till after you have left him. A controller does not care to relinquish control. Divorce will not make him realize his lack of control and he will continue to be a thorn in your side for quite some time. Do not feel sympathy for him or try to be nice in the divorce. He may be nice at times, but habits formed are hard to break.

Tig