Responsible for estranged parent final disposition???

UT
My sister & I have been estranged from our parents for 10+ years due to a EXTREMELY abusive history. We received a letter from the State of CA (where our estranged biological mother lived) advising us that she has deceased, and her remains are in the coroners office. Our biological father in is a catatonic state after stroke, in state health care facility. The letter advised us that my sister and I we were "next of kin" and that we are responsible for the cost of disposal of my mothers remains (respond within 7 days) or I am subject to a being charged with a misdemeanor under section 7100 of CA health code, and up to triple the expense of disposal of here remains. Needless to say after a decade + of being estranged this is a shock. Neither my sister or I want anything to do with her or the disposal of her remains, or estate. To make it clear, we are not interested in photo's or anything that may be left behind. They would only serve as a reminder of a VERY abusive childhood. Apparently the childhood of abuse was not enough, and now this abusive biological parent reaches from the grave? Are my sister and I truly responsible for the cost of having her remains disposed of? If so, can I be charged with a crime is I refuse to have any part of it?

What is the cost they are asking for for burial expenses? I sympathize, but they also took care of you and raised you since childhood so you have somewhat of a moral obligation to take care of this. If you can't afford it, then fine. Are there relatives on the biological father's side of the family who could help with the expenses here?

There is a California statute to that effect, but the state has no jurisdiction over you. As long as you don't travel to CA, you can ignore the letter.

There are relatives on my biological fathers side, I am estranged there as well and unaware of how to contact them. I consider myself a morally upstanding individual, and agree that it would be the right thing to do to pay for the cost of the remains. However I am concerned with that being construed as my having an interest in the affairs of her estate (or more likely debt). I also believe that morally I am obligated to the financial am emotional health of my wife and children, and that their needs come before those of a biological (abusive,estranged, and now deceased) parent.
Thanks for the response, and i will update this post with the conclusions from the attorney I contacted so it will be of help with others who may encounter a similar situational.

I think that social security provides like $250 towards burial costs. Don't quote me on this. Would this parent have been on social security? If so, that could be used to offset the costs.

Is it too late to donate the body so science? That's cost free.

For one thing, I can't comment on CA law, it is quirky. You don't have to accept responsibility, and even if you do, it cannot be construed to connect you to any debts.

The least expensive method is cremation. You can, depending on the area, get it done for around $500. Then you scatter or have her buried with her parents. Start calling a few local funeral homes or cremation services and ask. It may be possible that your mother actually has the funds or your father, have you checked?

There is probably some fall-back system there for the county or state government to provide a pauper's burial if she remains "unclaimed".

ginnyj suggested Social Security. The fact is, ss may pay a $255 one time benefit to her husband, if he is 50 or older and disabled, or 60 or older and meets other criteria. Not everyone is entitled to this. And, it will not automatically happen, someone needs to call on his behalf. Read carefully, it goes to her surviving spouse, not toward the death expenses.

Even donating to science, farfalla, has costs associated. The funeral home still has to get her from place of death, handle all the paperwork involved, and get her to where ever the facility is. It is very likely embalming will be required prior to her going to the facility (but not always) and the family bears those expenses. Typically, at the conclusion of use of her cadaver, they will handle cremation at no charge to the family.

No one can get out of this world for free. Tough as it is, the moral thing to do, is to step up and handle this.

aanubis said:

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Even donating to science, farfalla, has costs associated. The funeral home still has to get her from place of death, handle all the paperwork involved, and get her to where ever the facility is. It is very likely embalming will be required prior to her going to the facility (but not always) and the family bears those expenses. Typically, at the conclusion of use of her cadaver, they will handle cremation at no charge to the family.

No one can get out of this world for free. Tough as it is, the moral thing to do, is to step up and handle this.

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My mother had her body donated to science after her death... specifically to the University of New Mexico Medical School.

The school paid for everything... it not cost us or her estate a dime. Nor did they embalm the body. The body had to be transferred to the school within a few short days because of this.

A year later, they mailed her ashes to my sister who was handling things.

My husband's uncle did the same thing to a medical school in a different state.... again there was no cost assocaited with it.

Both my husband and I are doing the same thing with our remains when we pass.

I'm not a attorney or anything just browsing, but let me say this just because you happened to pop out of her does not mean you are responsible for a damn thing IMO. I'd move to Russia on principal before I'd pay that bill.

"I sympathize, but they also took care of you and raised you since childhood"

I always find these generalized arrogant assumptions attorneys make about peoples home lives disturbing.

Wondo said:

I'm not a attorney or anything just browsing, but let me say this just because you happened to pop out of her does not mean you are responsible for a damn thing IMO.

I'd move to Russia on principal before I'd pay that bill.

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It does appear that in California, the law states that he is responsible. Not that California law applies to him.

Farfalla said:

My mother had her body donated to science after her death... specifically to the University of New Mexico Medical School.

The school paid for everything... it not cost us or her estate a dime. Nor did they embalm the body. The body had to be transferred to the school within a few short days because of this.

A year later, they mailed her ashes to my sister who was handling things.

My husband's uncle did the same thing to a medical school in a different state.... again there was no cost assocaited with it.

Both my husband and I are doing the same thing with our remains when we pass.

Click to expand...

I have experience with anatomical donation in three states and in each case, the facility did NOT pay anything, it was the family's responsibility, that's where I base my statements.

And to the other poster, who is supposed to pay for disposition if not the family? While I agree, it may not be an ultimate situation, if no one claims, then in the end, we ALL pay and we are all paying for enough already when people don't step up.

This has, and perhaps always will be controversial in some situations. Many can say they had an awful childhood and walk away. Mine wasn't stellar, but when my estranged father died, I did it. I followed through because he shouldn't have been a burden to the taxpayers. He was indigent and I didn't even think about it being someone else's responsibility, I paid and followed through. (and no I didn't anatomically donate him).