Determined in Oklahoma

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Oklahoma

My situation is not near as serious it seems as others on here, Im not on here to be put down in any way. Im on here to get advice and thats it.

I married my current husband a little over a year ago he has a now 3 year old daughter from a previous marraige, I have 2 children from a previous marraige. We have no issues with my ex he is in the same town and regularly sees the children and has a relationship with them. My husbands ex however had remarried and has moved around constantly to 9 different states that we know of. We went to court and my husband got full custody of his daugher about 6 months ago it was finallized. His ex gave up the fight because she couldn't afford it. She also has a son who she gave to her mother. He has lived with her for years now. So she doesn't have either of the children anymore. I suggested to my husband to put in the custody papers that if his ex misses any 3 visitations in one year that the visitation becomes null and void and she gets to see the child upon my husbands availability. She has already missedway over that but I only have written documentation of 3 1/2 months of missed visitation. Should he have more papers drawn up to back this clause in the custody papers up and have her served. This would take away everything from the holidays from the summer months she things she will get her. I do have an appointment to day to talk with a lawyer. She does have phone contact with the child once in a while. I would eventually love to adopt her but I don't see my chances of proving anything like abandoment because of the phone contact and she is paying child support. So our main goal is to have her stripped of anything other than the everyother week visitation. Im trying to cover everything. When the ex first took off she didn't see the child for almost 8 months, and it has been very inconsistend and unpredictable since then. She has only given us one written current address the whole time, going against what the papers say. Please don't judge me Im not wanting to take a biomo away from a child Im trying to protect the child from stress and heartache because the biomo doesn't care. Not to say she doesn't care about the child but she is putting her own wants and needs before the child and it has already effected her.

Lori P said:

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Oklahoma

My situation is not near as serious it seems as others on here, Im not on here to be put down in any way. Im on here to get advice and thats it.

I married my current husband a little over a year ago he has a now 3 year old daughter from a previous marraige, I have 2 children from a previous marraige. We have no issues with my ex he is in the same town and regularly sees the children and has a relationship with them. My husbands ex however had remarried and has moved around constantly to 9 different states that we know of. We went to court and my husband got full custody of his daugher about 6 months ago it was finallized. His ex gave up the fight because she couldn't afford it. She also has a son who she gave to her mother. He has lived with her for years now. So she doesn't have either of the children anymore. I suggested to my husband to put in the custody papers that if his ex misses any 3 visitations in one year that the visitation becomes null and void and she gets to see the child upon my husbands availability. She has already missedway over that but I only have written documentation of 3 1/2 months of missed visitation. Should he have more papers drawn up to back this clause in the custody papers up and have her served. This would take away everything from the holidays from the summer months she things she will get her. I do have an appointment to day to talk with a lawyer. She does have phone contact with the child once in a while. I would eventually love to adopt her but I don't see my chances of proving anything like abandoment because of the phone contact and she is paying child support. So our main goal is to have her stripped of anything other than the everyother week visitation. Im trying to cover everything. When the ex first took off she didn't see the child for almost 8 months, and it has been very inconsistend and unpredictable since then. She has only given us one written current address the whole time, going against what the papers say. Please don't judge me Im not wanting to take a biomo away from a child Im trying to protect the child from stress and heartache because the biomo doesn't care. Not to say she doesn't care about the child but she is putting her own wants and needs before the child and it has already effected her.

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You are sooo trying to take the MOM away from this little girl. YOU want to adopt her but then turn around and say "Im not wanting to take MOM away from a child"???

Oh and "biomom" refers to adoption. THIS GIRL HAS A MOM. YOU are a legal stranger. So back off and give MOM a chance to have a relationship with HER little girl.

Why do I get the feeling that YOU are interfering with MOM trying to establish a relationship with HER daughter. A huge red flag was "Mom gave custody up because she couldn't afford the court fight". WTF??? You and your lovely husband kept her tied up in court so she couldn't see her child???

Sick.

And I get the feeling you are either a mother who had her child taken away or someone tried and you are left feeling like you have to defend all biological mothers. All "mothers" aren't good people. I have been the consistent parent along with her father in her life. I didn't force her to call me mom, I even taught her my name she knows my name and she still wants to call me mom. When her mom calls I let her talk to her and if too much time goes by we call her so she can talk to her if we weren't the ones making the effort to keep a relationship between them there would be none. She was the one who decided to move away and not have fisical contact with the child for almost 8 months. Dont you dare tell me im trying to take her relationship away she did that all by herself. I don't know if you are scared from something that happened to you and you are holding a grudge and you feel the need to take it out on ever person who loves their step child and wants the best life for them but you need to quit judging people on your experiences because ever situation is different.

I am not a legal stranger. what is wrong with you. This child has been in my house with my children they are now brothers and sisters. To me she is my daughter when people ask how many children do you have I say 3 not 2 and a step child. I will never treat her as a step child, she will never feel like a step child. I guarantee you in the future her biological mother is going to have to answer a whole lot of hard questions from this little girl if she decides to keep doing what she is doing.

By the way court takes money and time, it isn't us tying things up thats the lawyers we have no say on when the court date is. If she was so determined to keep the child then she would have fought with everything she has.

The mom has already been away from this girl I didn't do anything to make that happen she got married and decided her husband was more important than her kids.. if that wasn't the case she would have her son with her right now, instead of telling her mom she could keep him like he was a dog. Does that sound like a mothers love to you. You should really think next time instead of reacting cause you sound like a fool.

Actually, Lori, you don't have a clue. You are a legal stranger. That is how the courts see you. Don't believe me? Go into a courtroom with your attitude and get a new one ripped by the judge. StampGirl knows from practical experience. That's what the judge did to her children's stepmother.

As far as you "letting" SD talk to her Mother? I'm with StampGirl. You are overstepping the boundaries you should have but don't. You need to step away and let Dad handle things with Mom. Not you.

Oh, and before you go into the rest of the step routine, we don't care. Emotions have no place in a court room.

Lori P said:

And I get the feeling you are either a mother who had her child taken away or someone tried and you are left feeling like you have to defend all biological mothers. All "mothers" aren't good people. I have been the consistent parent along with her father in her life. I didn't force her to call me mom, I even taught her my name she knows my name and she still wants to call me mom. When her mom calls I let her talk to her and if too much time goes by we call her so she can talk to her if we weren't the ones making the effort to keep a relationship between them there would be none. She was the one who decided to move away and not have fisical contact with the child for almost 8 months. Dont you dare tell me im trying to take her relationship away she did that all by herself. I don't know if you are scared from something that happened to you and you are holding a grudge and you feel the need to take it out on ever person who loves their step child and wants the best life for them but you need to quit judging people on your experiences because ever situation is different.

I am not a legal stranger. what is wrong with you. This child has been in my house with my children they are now brothers and sisters. To me she is my daughter when people ask how many children do you have I say 3 not 2 and a step child. I will never treat her as a step child, she will never feel like a step child. I guarantee you in the future her biological mother is going to have to answer a whole lot of hard questions from this little girl if she decides to keep doing what she is doing.

By the way court takes money and time, it isn't us tying things up thats the lawyers we have no say on when the court date is. If she was so determined to keep the child then she would have fought with everything she has.

The mom has already been away from this girl I didn't do anything to make that happen she got married and decided her husband was more important than her kids.. if that wasn't the case she would have her son with her right now, instead of telling her mom she could keep him like he was a dog. Does that sound like a mothers love to you. You should really think next time instead of reacting cause you sound like a fool.

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What is wrong with YOU? This is a LEGAL advice site, and you are a LEGAL stranger to this child no matter how long you've been taking care of her. You have no LEGAL rights to interfer with the LEGAL desicions regarding this child.
It is the child's father who need to get a lawyer and explore what options HE has about the child, not YOU.

I do have an appointment to day to talk with a lawyer. She does have phone contact with the child once in a while. I would eventually love to adopt her but I don't see my chances of proving anything like abandoment because of the phone contact and she is paying child support.

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The child is NOT yours. She has a mother and a father. That the mother is paying support shows that she CARES. It appears that she is struggling. So, you, oh the benevolent presume to "ALLOW" her to speak to her mother.

You are an Over-stepping (not printable).

You are a LEGAL stranger. You do NOT have LEGAL rights to this child. Technically, you are an UNPAID babysitter LEGALLY.

The CP's duty is to FOSTER a relationship between the child and their other parent. sure doesn't sound like it.

TheGeekess said:

Actually, Lori, you don't have a clue. You are a legal stranger. That is how the courts see you. Don't believe me? Go into a courtroom with your attitude and get a new one ripped by the judge. StampGirl knows from practical experience. That's what the judge did to her children's stepmother.

As far as you "letting" SD talk to her Mother? I'm with StampGirl. You are overstepping the boundaries you should have but don't. You need to step away and let Dad handle things with Mom. Not you.

Oh, and before you go into the rest of the step routine, we don't care. Emotions have no place in a court room.

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This isn't a court room. By me saying I let her talk to her means I don't make excuses that she is sleeping or not there.

The dad doesn't want to talk to the "mom" because everytime she does they argue and im sorry but having the phone on speaker so she can talk to the child then her talking to my husband and start cursing where a 3 year old can hear her is not appropriate. She doesn't talk to me like that thats why I handle it. Plus she always calls when he is at work so how would you suggest I let him handle that. If I told her to call back when he is home to talk to the child she would never get to talk to her because she said she cant call later. He told her if you want to talk to the child then call the home phone during the morning hours so you can.

AHA said:

What is wrong with YOU? This is a LEGAL advice site, and you are a LEGAL stranger to this child no matter how long you've been taking care of her. You have no LEGAL rights to interfer with the LEGAL desicions regarding this child.
It is the child's father who need to get a lawyer and explore what options HE has about the child, not YOU.

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The father did get a lawyer

Lori P said:

This isn't a court room. By me saying I let her talk to her means I don't make excuses that she is sleeping or not there.

The dad doesn't want to talk to the "mom" because everytime she does they argue and im sorry but having the phone on speaker so she can talk to the child then her talking to my husband and start cursing where a 3 year old can hear her is not appropriate. She doesn't talk to me like that thats why I handle it. Plus she always calls when he is at work so how would you suggest I let him handle that. If I told her to call back when he is home to talk to the child she would never get to talk to her because she said she cant call later. He told her if you want to talk to the child then call the home phone during the morning hours so you can.

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Why must the child speak to her mother on a speaker phone?

Ginny J said:

The child is NOT yours. She has a mother and a father. That the mother is paying support shows that she CARES. It appears that she is struggling. So, you, oh the benevolent presume to "ALLOW" her to speak to her mother.

You are an Over-stepping (not printable).

You are a LEGAL stranger. You do NOT have LEGAL rights to this child. Technically, you are an UNPAID babysitter LEGALLY.

The CP's duty is to FOSTER a relationship between the child and their other parent. sure doesn't sound like it.

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No it is not my husbands responsibility to foster a relationship between the child and the ex.. It is her responisibility to make sure she has that relationship not his.

Ginny J said:

Why must the child speak to her mother on a speaker phone?

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Well she just turned 3 last week she doesn't talk on the phone much and usually hangs up on her when she presses it to her cheeck. Plus we want to make sure she isn't using fowl language and if she does we ask her to stop. That we need to supervise.

I did talk to the lawyer today. She said I don't have a good chance at adoption right now because there is child support being paid, which I figured, so she said to just keep goin like im goin. I do document all conversations.. thats probably gonna open a can of worms there...

She said the clause thats in the custody papers that says if she misses any 3 visitations it becomes null and void and she sees the child upon the fathers availability should be enough. She said since thats in there that The father shouldn't have to go to court to have any revised visitation that should cover it.

Honey, at the rate you are going, you are gonna make it really easy for the mom to get custody back. You do realize that you are sooooooooo overstepping, it is pathetic.

Oklahoma Child Custody and Support Guidelines:
The court may grant the care, custody, and control of a child to either parent or to the parents jointly. In awarding the custody of a minor unmarried child or in appointing a general guardian for said child, the court shall consider what appears to be in the best interests of the physical and mental and moral welfare of the child. When awarding custody to either parent, the court:

Shall consider, among other facts, which parent is more likely to allow the child or children frequent and continuing contact with the noncustodial parent. Shall not prefer a parent as a custodian of the child because of the gender of that parent.

[Based on Oklahoma Statutes; Title 43, Sections 109 and 112]

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http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/childcustodylaw1/qt/OklahCusSup.htm

Plus we want to make sure she isn't using fowl language and if she does we ask her to stop. That we need to supervise.

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So, mom speaks chicken or duck? Actually, it is FOUL language. Is there anything in that court order that says that the visits or parenting time must be supervised?

Ginny J said:

Honey, at the rate you are going, you are gonna make it really easy for the mom to get custody back. You do realize that you are sooooooooo overstepping, it is pathetic.

Child Custody and Support - Oklahoma Child Custody and Support Guidelines

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Well that is definetly in favor of the father because we can hardly ever reach the biological mother on her phone she is always making excuses of some sort why she cant be reached. In fact If she had the child no one would see her, not even the biological mothers grandparents. Or another thing would happen she would give the child to her parents to take care of her just like she did her son. That clause says nothing about step parents.

Ok so your saying I need to stay out of it completely. When she calls don't answer or anything? If I did that the biological mother would never speak to the child.