14yo daughter's 18yo boyfriend says he knew she drank at party

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Florida

My 14yo daughter dated an 18yo briefly, for 3 weeks. She recently broke up with him, so now he's saying things to her aunt (my sister) about her having been drunk, and been to a party with him 3x where she was drinking. We are very involved and ask all the questions (who, what, when, where, etc.) when she goes out. She never came home drunk, this I am sure of. She does admit that they went to a friend of the family's house once (his family's friend) and the boyfriend served her a beer and a rum and coke, which she drank hardly any of. The boyfriend claims he never gave her alcohol but knows she was drinking. I am livid, and aside from taking this up with her- do I have legal recourse against him?

momto6inFL said:

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Florida

My 14yo daughter dated an 18yo briefly, for 3 weeks. She recently broke up with him, so now he's saying things to her aunt (my sister) about her having been drunk, and been to a party with him 3x where she was drinking. We are very involved and ask all the questions (who, what, when, where, etc.) when she goes out. She never came home drunk, this I am sure of. She does admit that they went to a friend of the family's house once (his family's friend) and the boyfriend served her a beer and a rum and coke, which she drank hardly any of. The boyfriend claims he never gave her alcohol but knows she was drinking. I am livid, and aside from taking this up with her- do I have legal recourse against him?

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For what?

Why did your daughter, aged 14, date a 18 year old?

Did you permit this?

"she never came home drunk" what a joke. You allowed you 14 year old daughter to 'go out' without adult supervision?

xylene said:

You allowed you 14 year old daughter to 'go out' without adult supervision?

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In this case, the child HAD adult supervision.

This would definately fall into the "contributing to the delinquency of a minor" category.

The hard part is figuring out if the boyfriend or the mom is more guilty.

momto6inFL said:

do I have legal recourse against him?

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Although this is really none of my business, and I'm asking just out of curiosity, why would you be seeking recourse? Are you looking to have him charged with a criminal offense?

Yes you really do have legal recourse, but one has to wonder why a person would seek to have a criminal record created for someone that will last a lifetime, over something that even I remember doing as a teenager. Trying to see what I could get away with.

Yes...why are you seeking legal recourse ? YOU should be horsewhipped for letting a 14 year old go out with an 18 year old...what good could possibly come from that?

Oh..no horsewhipping in your state?? Then maybe PARENTING Classes since last I heard there are no "common sense" classes...more the pity...sigh

Clarification:

She dated him for 3 weeks. Both she and he initially said he was 17, and in her high school, because she was afraid we would nip it in the bud right away.

When I found out otherwise by putting pieces of clues together from keeping tabs on her facebook/myspace/cell phone activity (not a bad parent, thank you very much- this was an appropriate decision for her, but admittedly not for every 14/15yo- save your stones for the parents who wouldn't even care to post they were concerned, or better yet yourselves ), we decided to let them continue seeing each other (she will be 15 very soon) because
#1- they were always with his older sister, or his mom, or in a group of other kids. We do not allow "one on one" dating;
#2- he just turned 18 so the age difference was barely 3 years and
#3- DD is not the type of girl to get all wrapped up in a boy for any length of time. She had already mentioned how not seeing him day to day makes the eventual break up easier, because her friends aren't his friends. This is a kid with a good state of mind and wasn't going to get serious about this relationship.

She admits that when they brought his mom home one evening, he stopped at a family friend's house down the road, so she could meet his dad. It was at this party that the boyfriend served her a beer, and then a rum and coke. She said she only had a few sips of either of them and they left after about 45 minutes and he brought her home and went back to the party. She also says this is the only time alcohol was an issue. Do I believe her? Damn straight. It's also worth noting that this was the last date they went on, so I think there was more going on in terms of her not wanting to take part in the party, so he brought her home and went back, and over the course of the next few days she broke up with him.

Why am I wondering if there is legal recourse? Because I am a good parent. Because I believe in accountability for actions. Because he- not of drinking age himself even- gave alcohol to my daughter. Because making a decision to allow her to watch a ball game or go hand out halloween candy at his mom's place doesn't mean that we are careless and he can do whatever he wants. Because she broke up with him and he is moving on to the next 15yo girl (a friend of hers) and next time it may not end ok. He could have taken advantage of her, he could have wrecked the car- because he had a beer she said, he could have killed her- it's just a bad situation.

momto6inFL said:

She dated him for 3 weeks. Both she and he initially said he was 17, and in her high school, because she was afraid we would nip it in the bud right away.

When I found out otherwise by putting pieces of clues together from keeping tabs on her facebook/myspace/cell phone activity (not a bad parent, thank you very much- this was an appropriate decision for her, but admittedly not for every 14/15yo- save your stones for the parents who wouldn't even care to post they were concerned, or better yet yourselves ), we decided to let them continue seeing each other (she will be 15 very soon) because
#1- they were always with his older sister, or his mom, or in a group of other kids. We do not allow "one on one" dating;
#2- he just turned 18 so the age difference was barely 3 years and
#3- DD is not the type of girl to get all wrapped up in a boy for any length of time. She had already mentioned how not seeing him day to day makes the eventual break up easier, because her friends aren't his friends. This is a kid with a good state of mind and wasn't going to get serious about this relationship.

She admits that when they brought his mom home one evening, he stopped at a family friend's house down the road, so she could meet his dad. It was at this party that the boyfriend served her a beer, and then a rum and coke. She said she only had a few sips of either of them and they left after about 45 minutes and he brought her home and went back to the party. She also says this is the only time alcohol was an issue. Do I believe her? Damn straight. It's also worth noting that this was the last date they went on, so I think there was more going on in terms of her not wanting to take part in the party, so he brought her home and went back, and over the course of the next few days she broke up with him.

Why am I wondering if there is legal recourse? Because I am a good parent. Because I believe in accountability for actions. Because he- not of drinking age himself even- gave alcohol to my daughter. Because making a decision to allow her to watch a ball game or go hand out halloween candy at his mom's place doesn't mean that we are careless and he can do whatever he wants. Because she broke up with him and he is moving on to the next 15yo girl (a friend of hers) and next time it may not end ok. He could have taken advantage of her, he could have wrecked the car- because he had a beer she said, he could have killed her- it's just a bad situation.

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YOU are accountable for your daughters actions, so even after you found out he was 18 YOU allowed her to date him and without YOUR supervision, go places with him that is where the parenting classes come in. And you are worried about him taking advantage of your child...maybe these concerns should have come in place BEFORE you allowed her to date hime and let them "go out"

p.s. never been to a party where they do it early day...and what time was she coming home? not an important question, I know......

Okay, so let's review.

She would lie to you about the age of her boyfriend, but not about drinking or the amount she drank.

There is only one reason why an 18 year old would go out with a 14 year old, and getting her drunk is just a means to that end.

The fact that you are still defending any of this means that you are as dangerous to your daughter as he was.

Not really...

s_abbott84 said:

YOU are accountable for your daughters actions, so even after you found out he was 18 YOU allowed her to date him and without YOUR supervision,

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She checked in every hour on the cell. This was not a case of "go out for hours on end, and see you when you are back".

And you are worried about him taking advantage of your child...maybe these concerns should have come in place BEFORE you allowed her to date hime and let them "go out"

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I would worry about this with anyone dating my daughter, no matter how old she will be. And my husband pulled this boy aside and made it very clear what our expectation are of both of them. The fact that he's just turned 18 did not phase us- half the senior class is already 18. He had a later birthday.

p.s. never been to a party where they do it early day...and what time was she coming home? not an important question, I know.....

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I didn't say it was early day. They picked her up just before 8, went to dinner with his mom, brought mom home, stopped at party where his dad was at, daughter was home by 10. (Her curfew was 10:30)

cyjeff said:

Okay, so let's review.

She would lie to you about the age of her boyfriend, but not about drinking or the amount she drank.

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Yes. Because why lie about the amount, when you're going to admit you drank any at all and are already in trouble? Because drinking a little alchohol is better than a lot? No. And I find it's rather easy to pick out drunk people from sober people, duh.

There is only one reason why an 18 year old would go out with a 14 year old, and getting her drunk is just a means to that end. The fact that you are still defending any of this means that you are as dangerous to your daughter as he was.

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Personally, I think there is only one reason any boy would date any girl at any age. Teenage boys are horney devils, and men can be scum. Doesn't mean I'm never going to allow her to date.

This same situation could have happened if they were both 15, or if he was 16, etc. Teenage drinking is an epidemic in this country.

I don't think them being barely 3 years apart in age is unreasonable, and had she started dating him the month before he would have been 17 and I may have never known he was close to a birthday. So telling her she can only date sophomores should be the rule...well, that would put her dating people who are possibly 16. I don't see how that's any better. I guess in your mind, something magical happens on that day of the 18th birthday? Because to me, he's still a preppy spoiled brat of a kid, I don't care if he is "legal". She showed the greater maturity in the relationship by breaking up with him after this situation, and she is 3 years younger.

Again- do you have any advice or knowledge on how the legal issues of this work out, or are you just going to continue bashing me because YOUR parenting choices and YOUR children are different than mine are for mine?

Sorta quotable, what with all the justifications.

momto6inFL said:

Yes. Because why lie about the amount, when you're going to admit you drank any at all and are already in trouble? Because drinking a little alchohol is better than a lot? No. And I find it's rather easy to pick out drunk people from sober people, duh.



Personally, I think there is only one reason any boy would date any girl at any age. Teenage boys are horney devils, and men can be scum. Doesn't mean I'm never going to allow her to date.

This same situation could have happened if they were both 15, or if he was 16, etc. Teenage drinking is an epidemic in this country.

I don't think them being barely 3 years apart in age is unreasonable, and had she started dating him the month before he would have been 17 and I may have never known he was close to a birthday. So telling her she can only date sophomores should be the rule...well, that would put her dating people who are possibly 16. I don't see how that's any better. I guess in your mind, something magical happens on that day of the 18th birthday? Because to me, he's still a preppy spoiled brat of a kid, I don't care if he is "legal". She showed the greater maturity in the relationship by breaking up with him after this situation, and she is 3 years younger.

Again- do you have any advice or knowledge on how the legal issues of this work out, or are you just going to continue bashing me because YOUR parenting choices and YOUR children are different than mine are for mine?

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momto6inFL said:

Yes. Because why lie about the amount, when you're going to admit you drank any at all and are already in trouble? Because drinking a little alchohol is better than a lot? No. And I find it's rather easy to pick out drunk people from sober people, duh.



Personally, I think there is only one reason any boy would date any girl at any age. Teenage boys are horney devils, and men can be scum. Doesn't mean I'm never going to allow her to date.

This same situation could have happened if they were both 15, or if he was 16, etc. Teenage drinking is an epidemic in this country.

I don't think them being barely 3 years apart in age is unreasonable, and had she started dating him the month before he would have been 17 and I may have never known he was close to a birthday. So telling her she can only date sophomores should be the rule...well, that would put her dating people who are possibly 16. I don't see how that's any better. I guess in your mind, something magical happens on that day of the 18th birthday? Because to me, he's still a preppy spoiled brat of a kid, I don't care if he is "legal". She showed the greater maturity in the relationship by breaking up with him after this situation, and she is 3 years younger.

Again- do you have any advice or knowledge on how the legal issues of this work out, or are you just going to continue bashing me because YOUR parenting choices and YOUR children are different than mine are for mine?

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You want legal advice? Okay, know the difference between "almost" and going to jail. Doesnt matter how mature your 14 yr old CHILD is, at 18 sex (please spare me the whole my daughter would never and this isnt about sex, 14, 18 and everywhere in between) he goes to jail, at 17 he doesnt. thats legal. She doesnt tell you everything, and drinking "a little" and getting drunk, never knew there was a difference in it being okay at 14! I can see it now..." But mom we only had a LITTLE bit of sex" "well then thats okay dear"
14 is 14 and 18 is 18 facts, still YOUR child. You didnt know any of her drinking until she got caught, maybe child isnt the picture perfect, but what kid is? and thats why we have parents.....but then agian that part is just an opinion.....

PS the "magic" of turning 18, you are now a legal adult....some call it law though.....

And calling from a cell to say "im at bf moms house" isnt checking in, its making sure her butt is covered cause mom wont ever really know the difference....please.

momto6inFL said:

Yes. Because why lie about the amount, when you're going to admit you drank any at all and are already in trouble? Because drinking a little alchohol is better than a lot? No. And I find it's rather easy to pick out drunk people from sober people, duh.

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I actually laughed at that. I did. "Mom, I BARELY drank the rum and coke". And you really can't see why she would lie to you about the amount she drank? REALLY????? And you're also a professional when it comes to telling if people are drunk? REALLY??? There's so much crap in those lines it scares me.

I also find it deplorable you would take the fact that your UNDERAGE daughter is drinking ANYTHING so lightly.

Personally, I think there is only one reason any boy would date any girl at any age. Teenage boys are horney devils, and men can be scum. Doesn't mean I'm never going to allow her to date.

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It DOES mean you should be with her every step of the way, NOT HER SISTER

This same situation could have happened if they were both 15, or if he was 16, etc. Teenage drinking is an epidemic in this country.

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So... even if he was younger, you would still be a bad parent? That's the first correct thing you have said.

I don't think them being barely 3 years apart in age is unreasonable, and had she started dating him the month before he would have been 17 and I may have never known he was close to a birthday. So telling her she can only date sophomores should be the rule...well, that would put her dating people who are possibly 16. I don't see how that's any better. I guess in your mind, something magical happens on that day of the 18th birthday? Because to me, he's still a preppy spoiled brat of a kid, I don't care if he is "legal". She showed the greater maturity in the relationship by breaking up with him after this situation, and she is 3 years younger.

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Read the law; it makes all the difference in the world to be 18. Oh boy, she's mature because she dumped him..... wow.... horrible, horrible parenting.

Again- do you have any advice or knowledge on how the legal issues of this work out, or are you just going to continue bashing me because YOUR parenting choices and YOUR children are different than mine are for mine?

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Oh, you deserve to be bashed. Look in the mirror, look at your daughter and see what you created... that should be enough bashing for the rest of your life. Parents like you are raising children that have no moral compass, no sense of self restraint, and they are ruining the world I hope to one day bring my children into. I have made mistakes, but never had ANYBODY cover for them, and I learned valuable lessons. Hopefully, amidst the stupidity you are propogating, I will be able to instill a sense of right and wrong and accountability into my children. Maybe I'll teach a class on it and I'll invite you.

s_abbott84 said:

You want legal advice? Okay, know the difference between "almost" and going to jail. Doesnt matter how mature your 14 yr old CHILD is, at 18 sex (please spare me the whole my daughter would never and this isnt about sex, 14, 18 and everywhere in between) he goes to jail, at 17 he doesnt. thats legal. She doesnt tell you everything, and drinking "a little" and getting drunk, never knew there was a difference in it being okay at 14! I can see it now..." But mom we only had a LITTLE bit of sex" "well then thats okay dear"
14 is 14 and 18 is 18 facts, still YOUR child. You didnt know any of her drinking until she got caught, maybe child isnt the picture perfect, but what kid is? and thats why we have parents.....but then agian that part is just an opinion.....

PS the "magic" of turning 18, you are now a legal adult....some call it law though.....

And calling from a cell to say "im at bf moms house" isnt checking in, its making sure her butt is covered cause mom wont ever really know the difference....please.

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Did I say it was ok for her to drink a little? Because please- tell me where I did. Isn't that the WHOLE point of me posting? What is it with you soap opera addicts who take a girl and turn her into a teen slush slut? You are creating circumstance that aren't there and did not happen. Seriously...again... if you have advice on what would be entailed in pursuing this legally, I am interested. If you don't and wish to continue bashing me and my daughter, I will gladly report you for trolling.