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Trying to ban me from viewing/funeral

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cc4npg

Junior Member
I'm in Ohio. Ok, so my grandparent died and her children don't want me attending the viewing or funeral. I haven't done anything to them. They are angry over things that happened between them and my parent from years ago.

How do I find out when her viewing/funeral is? An attorney was her guardian, but I think his role is over when she dies. I know what funeral home she's going to. But my question is, can they keep me from going and how do I preserve my right as a blood relative?

She even has a will, which states that her property is to be split between her children and if one of her children dies (in my case, that happened) then her children's child(ren) would fill that spot. I don't know even what happens or who has the will, but I know if it's being read, I'd like to be there. Thanks in advance...
 


FlyingRon

Senior Member
Viewings are not public events. The family can quite reasonably control who is there.

Funerals and church services (depending on where they are held) are not generally private. They can't much control who shows up.

You should find out if the estate is being probated (or why not). That is how you protect your interest.

Contrary to what happens on TV and in the movies. There is generally not some formal "reading of the will" where everyone sits around and finds out what they got. The thing is all done in court hearings. If you are a potential heir, then you generally can be there. Again, it's all a matter of public record once the ball gets rolling.
 

Dandy Don

Senior Member
Have someone else (not you) call the funeral home and find out the details of the time and place of the funeral. It may also be mentioned in the local daily newspaper.
 

cc4npg

Junior Member
Viewing/funeral Private

The funeral home considers the viewing to be public, in that if I find out when it is, they won't prevent me from coming. The same goes for the funeral. However, the funeral director cannot disclose to me the time because of the family's wishes.

The issue with the will isn't money or property. The only issue I have with the will is regarding my place in being allowed to know when the funeral/viewing is. Her will states that in the event she outlived one of her children, then their rightful heirs would be insterted in their spot. Now I know this is pertaining to any money/possessions (neither of which she has), but my belief is that it should also pertain to my knowledge of the funeral.

I am seeking legal advice from an attorney at this point. Wish me luck because this is really wrong.
 

Ozark_Sophist

Senior Member
Why are you so worried about going to your grandparent's funeral? To show your respect for the dead or assert your place in the family? Consider your own motivations.
 

Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
The funeral home considers the viewing to be public, in that if I find out when it is, they won't prevent me from coming. The same goes for the funeral. However, the funeral director cannot disclose to me the time because of the family's wishes.

The issue with the will isn't money or property. The only issue I have with the will is regarding my place in being allowed to know when the funeral/viewing is. Her will states that in the event she outlived one of her children, then their rightful heirs would be insterted in their spot. Now I know this is pertaining to any money/possessions (neither of which she has), but my belief is that it should also pertain to my knowledge of the funeral.

I am seeking legal advice from an attorney at this point. Wish me luck because this is really wrong.
Honestly, you are not welcome. The wishes you need to respect now are those of the LIVING.
 

aanubis

Member
I'm in Ohio. Ok, so my grandparent died and her children don't want me attending the viewing or funeral. I haven't done anything to them. They are angry over things that happened between them and my parent from years ago.

How do I find out when her viewing/funeral is? An attorney was her guardian, but I think his role is over when she dies. I know what funeral home she's going to. But my question is, can they keep me from going and how do I preserve my right as a blood relative?

She even has a will, which states that her property is to be split between her children and if one of her children dies (in my case, that happened) then her children's child(ren) would fill that spot. I don't know even what happens or who has the will, but I know if it's being read, I'd like to be there. Thanks in advance...
The will has nothing to do with any viewing/funeral. Your belief that you are now "in" the will due to the death of your parent translating to your right to know arrangments is simply that - a belief.

The legal next of kin certainly can exclude anyone they want from a viewing/funeral. In effect, they are "renting" the facility and as such, have that right. You are family, but as a grandchild, not legal next of kin.

If you show up (or showed up) the lnok identifies you, and then the funeral home staff ask you to leave. If you do not, they can call law enforcement.

You are mixing two very separate issues.
 

justalayman

Senior Member
The legal next of kin certainly can exclude anyone they want from a viewing/funeral. In effect, they are "renting" the facility and as such, have that right. You are family, but as a grandchild, not legal next of kin.
.
a minor correction: whomever is paying for the funeral can exclude whomever they choose from the services at the funeral home. it has nothing to do with kinship.

at the cemetary (if there are services at the graveside) is another story as the cemetary is not controlled in any way by the person paying for the funeral.

If there are church services, I know of no church that will exclude a person from a memorial service although there could be such a thing.
 

aanubis

Member
a minor correction: whomever is paying for the funeral can exclude whomever they choose from the services at the funeral home. it has nothing to do with kinship.

at the cemetary (if there are services at the graveside) is another story as the cemetary is not controlled in any way by the person paying for the funeral.

If there are church services, I know of no church that will exclude a person from a memorial service although there could be such a thing.
And a minor correction for you: it's cemetery, not cemetary

It is very typical, common, and expected for the lnok to pay for the services. It has everything to do with kinship unless some benevolent soul decides to pay for everything (with the lnok's agreement) when they have no obligation to pay.

In your scenario, whoever has the money wins and that is not how it happens. Once in a while, but not often. Just because one has money does not mean that one can legally make the decisions, each state has specific statutes dictating who can. A grandchild cannot overstep a child. An ex-spouse cannot overstep a current spouse. A parent cannot overstep the spouse, etc, etc.
 

justalayman

Senior Member
=aanubis;2098113]And a minor correction for you: it's cemetery, not cemetary
so I didn't hit spell check. Shoot me.

It is very typical, common, and expected for the lnok to pay for the services.
yes BUT not always.

It has everything to do with kinship unless some benevolent soul decides to pay for everything (with the lnok's agreement) when they have no obligation to pay.
it happens

In your scenario, whoever has the money wins and that is not how it happens.
Whomever contracts with the funeral home wins. They do not like to get into pissing matches but if I am paying for the funeral, including viewing time, I call the shots. If you want to argue, go ahead. I have spoken with several funeral homes concerning this exact situation and every one said they abide by the payers wishes.

Once in a while, but not often. Just because one has money does not mean that one can legally make the decisions, each state has specific statutes dictating who can.
throw some up here. I am not talking about who can or cannot make decisions. I am talking about once a person has contracted to pay, they get what they pay for and they pay for what they get, including the rental of the funeral home.

A grandchild cannot overstep a child.
If the child is not paying for the services and the grandchild is, concerning what the decedent wears, how they are made up, who is allowed in the home; yes they do. Been there, done that.

An ex-spouse cannot overstep a current spouse. A parent cannot overstep the spouse, etc, etc.
See above.

Funerals are a business and once the payer is determined (that is where your order of control comes in), the people paying make the calls. In this situation, if the children would not or could not pay for a funeral and the g-child was willing, the g-child would call the shots. Simple business.

btw: I have paid for a funeral for a person that was not related to me. The children would not/could not pay. Do you want to guess who made the decisions?
 

aanubis

Member
so I didn't hit spell check. Shoot me.

yes BUT not always.

it happens

Whomever contracts with the funeral home wins. They do not like to get into pissing matches but if I am paying for the funeral, including viewing time, I call the shots. If you want to argue, go ahead. I have spoken with several funeral homes concerning this exact situation and every one said they abide by the payers wishes.

throw some up here. I am not talking about who can or cannot make decisions. I am talking about once a person has contracted to pay, they get what they pay for and they pay for what they get, including the rental of the funeral home.

If the child is not paying for the services and the grandchild is, concerning what the decedent wears, how they are made up, who is allowed in the home; yes they do. Been there, done that.

See above.

Funerals are a business and once the payer is determined (that is where your order of control comes in), the people paying make the calls. In this situation, if the children would not or could not pay for a funeral and the g-child was willing, the g-child would call the shots. Simple business.

btw: I have paid for a funeral for a person that was not related to me. The children would not/could not pay. Do you want to guess who made the decisions?
Pat yourself on the back. However, I stated anyone can pay - the funeral home has to follow state statute and that does not always allow for the person opening their pocketbook to trump the law!!!! Death brings out the worst in people, you included.

And to stay on topic, the op has few, if any rights and is confusing his possible lineage of inheritance with making funeral decisions.

your signature line is SO fitting.
 

justalayman

Senior Member
Pat yourself on the back. However, I stated anyone can pay - the funeral home has to follow state statute and that does not always allow for the person opening their pocketbook to trump the law!!!! Death brings out the worst in people, you included.

And to stay on topic, the op has few, if any rights and is confusing his possible lineage of inheritance with making funeral decisions.

your signature line is SO fitting.
so throw up some of the laws you keep talking about.

You keep rambling about them. Post a few.
 

TinkerBelleLuvr

Senior Member
I'm sure the funeral has passed at this point, but ...

The family can request that the funeral (in a church) be kept private. Yes, a person can be banned from the church by NOT being on the invite list. My X was told not to attend. Unless **I** granted permission (daughter vs. granddaughter rights), I was prevailing on this.

And if you create a scene at a church, the police can haul you away too.
 

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