Equitable distribution in Fl

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Flroida
Long post

Circumstances:
1. Married 20 years, two children 15 and 6 years old
2. Seperated in 2006 for 8 months (filed for divorce) because husband "wanted greener pastures" quote.
3. Husband had heart attack just before the final court hearing. Came back home on disability, pledging to make the marriage work and making his family his priority.
4.Both of us have worked fulltime in the marriage, but homemaking and child rearing were my responsiblities..
5. He was in rehab for one year while he worked on getting his associates degree and landed an instructor's position at the local college.
6.August 2008 he left the home wanting a divorce. He had met another female instructor and is still with her today.
6. He refused marriage counseling so I filed for divorce.

Question:
I want to retain the home for the children (lived here for 12 years).
Worth about 400,000 on todays market with a 66,000 mortgage. I can't really afford the mortgage payment after the divorce. He wants half of everything but we have no other assets to equal his half.
What are my chances????
Thank you

Zena9710 said:

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Flroida
Long post

Circumstances:
1. Married 20 years, two children 15 and 6 years old
2. Seperated in 2006 for 8 months (filed for divorce) because husband "wanted greener pastures" quote.
3. Husband had heart attack just before the final court hearing. Came back home on disability, pledging to make the marriage work and making his family his priority.
4.Both of us have worked fulltime in the marriage, but homemaking and child rearing were my responsiblities..
5. He was in rehab for one year while he worked on getting his associates degree and landed an instructor's position at the local college.
6.August 2008 he left the home wanting a divorce. He had met another female instructor and is still with her today.
6. He refused marriage counseling so I filed for divorce.

Question:
I want to retain the home for the children (lived here for 12 years).
Worth about 400,000 on todays market with a 66,000 mortgage. I can't really afford the mortgage payment after the divorce. He wants half of everything but we have no other assets to equal his half.
What are my chances????
Thank you

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You need to be able to buy him out. He would be owed 167,000 based on your numbers. Can you afford a mortgage for over 200k on your salary? Unless he agrees, don't count on it. Because he is entitled to half the equity in the house. Start packing. Put the house up for sale -- the two of you -- and you both get half of the equity (or profit) when the house is sold.

equitable distribution

I was afraid of that. No, I can't make that kind of mortgage payment.
Would it matter that my home sold for 150,000 before we married (without a mortagage) and that $ went into this home? Or will I just be out calling that a spousal gift???

Zena9710 said:

I was afraid of that. No, I can't make that kind of mortgage payment.
Would it matter that my home sold for 150,000 before we married (without a mortagage) and that $ went into this home? Or will I just be out calling that a spousal gift???

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You CAN get an adjustment in assets based on what you bring into the marriage, but you need to be able to prove it.

For example if total net worth today is $400,000 and you brought $100 K in net worth to the marriage, you may be splitting $300 K instead of $400 K.

However, there's no guarantee that will work - the money you brought into the marriage has been thoroughly mixed with marital assets, so the judge might not buy it.

I would suggest trying mediation - where you can certainly use that as a starting point in negotiations and he may agree with it.

mistoffolees said:

You CAN get an adjustment in assets based on what you bring into the marriage, but you need to be able to prove it.

For example if total net worth today is $400,000 and you brought $100 K in net worth to the marriage, you may be splitting $300 K instead of $400 K.

However, there's no guarantee that will work - the money you brought into the marriage has been thoroughly mixed with marital assets, so the judge might not buy it.

I would suggest trying mediation - where you can certainly use that as a starting point in negotiations and he may agree with it.

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I suggest the same advice be given the men who come here asking the same question but instead receive this advice:

"You comingled that money and therefore it is now a marital asset subject to division".

Bali Hai said:

I suggest the same advice be given the men who come here asking the same question but instead receive this advice:

"You comingled that money and therefore it is now a marital asset subject to division".

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Feel free to point out examples where I gave different advice to a man in the same situation.

mistoffolees said:

Feel free to point out examples where I gave different advice to a man in the same situation.

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I am merely pointing this fact out for all senior members who have given different advice and it doesn't necessarily apply to you.

Although, if I wanted to expend the effort, I'm sure I could find an example in your biased posts that ALL suggest that men are out to screw women over in divorces and the poor defenseless women would be "left destitute" if it wasn't for the hero judges who must protect them.

Bali Hai said:

I am merely pointing this fact out for all senior members who have given different advice and it doesn't necessarily apply to you.

Although, if I wanted to expend the effort, I'm sure I could find an example in your biased posts that ALL suggest that men are out to screw women over in divorces and the poor defenseless women would be "left destitute" if it wasn't for the hero judges who must protect them.

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Feel free to imagine whatever you want. I've always taken the position that divorce is gender-neutral. Claiming that all men are out to screw women in divorce is nothing more than your wet dream. Nor have I ever said that it's the judge's role to product 'defenseless' women.

The judge's role is to ensure that the law is followed. In most cases, the law is a 50:50 division of marital assets and debt and, where applicable, alimony as defined by state law - with alimony payable to the lower earning spouse (which can be either the man or the woman).

Just because you have this silly one-sided view of the system doesn't mean that it's based in any reality- or that everyone is as biased as you.

mistoffolees said:

Feel free to imagine whatever you want. I've always taken the position that divorce is gender-neutral. Claiming that all men are out to screw women in divorce is nothing more than your wet dream. Nor have I ever said that it's the judge's role to product 'defenseless' women.

The judge's role is to ensure that the law is followed. In most cases, the law is a 50:50 division of marital assets and debt and, where applicable, alimony as defined by state law - with alimony payable to the lower earning spouse (which can be either the man or the woman).

Just because you have this silly one-sided view of the system doesn't mean that it's based in any reality- or that everyone is as biased as you.

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All that time thinking and this is the only response you could come up with?

The only thing worth pointing out in your rambling response is that the judge's discretion IS the law in matrimonial cases. And alimony is payable to WHOEVER the judge decides it is payable to.

Tracing is extremely expensive in order to prove that money was and should remain separate property. COnsidering the money went into a home that is in both of their names pretty much shows that it was a gift to the marriage.

equitable distribution in fl

Wow. I didn't mean to start something here.
I did not post the whole sorted story because it is too long. Trying to keep everything short leaves alot out.
I agree that when a couple work together in their marriage that their assets should be 50-50. I do not want to be one of those woman trying to "screw him" out of vengance.
I am a firm believer in trying to save a marriage and have been a fool for many years, through many affairs (his), through wasting $ on toys that bored him.
I put him through EMT school, Paramedic school, real estate school and eventually on to get his degree. Nursed him through a heart attack, nursed his mother through her terminal illness, cared for his children as well as ours.
Only to find he had a private account, purchased acreage and lots (19 lots)
(76) acres in his name only************** He has a retirement that is high risk, refusing to give me half. Now I have to file a QDRO $$$$ He sits back while I sit in the lawyer office at 275.00 an hour. He lives one mile away from our children and chooses to see them once a week for a meal out. No phone calls to them., etc......I was a patsy, but now I am just mad and trying to keep my children provided for! To hell with him

Zena9710 said:

Wow. I didn't mean to start something here.
I did not post the whole sorted story because it is too long. Trying to keep everything short leaves alot out.
I agree that when a couple work together in their marriage that their assets should be 50-50. I do not want to be one of those woman trying to "screw him" out of vengance.
I am a firm believer in trying to save a marriage and have been a fool for many years, through many affairs (his), through wasting $ on toys that bored him.
I put him through EMT school, Paramedic school, real estate school and eventually on to get his degree. Nursed him through a heart attack, nursed his mother through her terminal illness, cared for his children as well as ours.
Only to find he had a private account, purchased acreage and lots (19 lots)
(76) acres in his name only************** He has a retirement that is high risk, refusing to give me half. Now I have to file a QDRO $$$$ He sits back while I sit in the lawyer office at 275.00 an hour. He lives one mile away from our children and chooses to see them once a week for a meal out. No phone calls to them., etc......I was a patsy, but now I am just mad and trying to keep my children provided for! To hell with him

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Just to point out, the above bolded sentences contradict each other.

I'm aware that YOU are the saint in this marriage and he is the scoundrel. If the judge buys that, more power to you.

Equitable distrubution

Bali Hai
Why are you even on this forum? Lay people are simply requesting advice. We are not here for you to past judgement and put us in our place. Divorce is a life altering change in which we all go through our stages of the grief process. These people do not need your unprofessional and rude responses.

Zena9710 said:

Bali Hai
Why are you even on this forum? Lay people are simply requesting advice. We are not here for you to past judgement and put us in our place. Divorce is a life altering change in which we all go through our stages of the grief process.

Please, you're going to make me cry.

These people do not need your unprofessional and rude responses.

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Maybe unprofessional and maybe rude, but certainly ACCURATE!

Wow. I didn't mean to start something here.
I did not post the whole sorted story because it is too long. Trying to keep everything short leaves alot out.
I agree that when a couple work together in their marriage that their assets should be 50-50. I do not want to be one of those woman trying to "screw him" out of vengance.
I am a firm believer in trying to save a marriage and have been a fool for many years, through many affairs (his), through wasting $ on toys that bored him.
I put him through EMT school, Paramedic school, real estate school and eventually on to get his degree. Nursed him through a heart attack, nursed his mother through her terminal illness, cared for his children as well as ours.

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Okay. And?

Only to find he had a private account, purchased acreage and lots (19 lots)
(76) acres in his name only************** He has a retirement that is high risk, refusing to give me half.

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He doesn't have to give you anything but a court will order that the above assets be split.

Now I have to file a QDRO $$$$

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That is the best way of doing that. You could ask that he pay the QDRO.

He sits back while I sit in the lawyer office at 275.00 an hour. He lives one mile away from our children and chooses to see them once a week for a meal out. No phone calls to them., etc......I was a patsy, but now I am just mad and trying to keep my children provided for! To hell with him

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No one said you ahd to get an attorney. You are really concentrating on the wrong items. Seriously. You are angry. Fine. Be angry. It still doesn't change the facts.