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Just got the news -- need advice.

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dawg1

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? GA.

Obviously I need a professional but wanted to obtain some knowledge base as quickly as possible...

I received a call today from wife stating she's got the child (3 yrs) and moved into an apt. She's spoken to a lawyer but I don't know if she has made any formal filings yet. The lawyer is likely telling her what to say. She told me I can pay a nominal legal fee and have everything split, including custody or fight it out costing massive legal fees.

She has been hospitalized before after a suicide attempt (WHILE PREGNANT with our child). Her father committed suicide and I have been told her mother suffers from depression (?). She told me she "doesn't know who she is anymore" ... 'due to our bad marriage' of course. She has also been violent and physically abusive in the past but no big deal to me to fend off and nothing violent recently.
Anyway, all this being said, do I have any power in this? I don't know if I want to split custody with her given her history and weird thoughts. Money wise, she makes a good deal more than I do. Could I get custody and child support or is that impossible? Her lawyer told her the suicide attempt is no big deal but I would find that hard to believe although not much in this world surprises me anymore.
I can't believe she would do this to our family and put our little one though this. In her eyes, I suppose the potential damage to our child is outweighed by her perceived personal satisfaction. We used to have big fights and problems several years ago but nothing big since the child's birth. To me, it's actually brought us together but I guess I had that way wrong. This is so out of her character (I thought) that I wonder if she is seeing someone but I have no proof or real suspicion.

Any easy advice on this one? Thanks.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
 


Some Random Guy

Senior Member
Do not take any advice from her or her lawyer about what it fair or what should happen. This is shaping up to be a divorce which makes both of them your adversaries.

Not saying that you should fight her tooth and nail, just to rely on your and your own lawyer's judgment.


Your lawyer should be able to help you more, but expect that there will be shared custody unless you have very strong proof of her being unfit or a danger to the child.

Also, you need to work out a temporary custody arrangement until the divorce is final so that she doesn't continue to hide the child from you over the next few months.
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
OP, just want to get timeline right - wife left you, took child and moved into apartment...all today?

ETA: are there any police reports of domestic violence by or towards either one of you?
 

dawg1

Junior Member
Yes, wife did all this today. Called me at work around 2:30 to let me know.

No police reports or calls for domestics on either side.
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
Yes, wife did all this today. Called me at work around 2:30 to let me know.

No police reports or calls for domestics on either side.
'K, that does suggest that this isn't exactly a spur-of-the-moment thing - it's not easy to find and move into an apartment (with a child no less) just out of the blue in a couple of hours.

Her prior history won't matter much (if at all) unless you can prove that she's a danger to your child, and without proof you probably won't be able to use any history of domestic violence. Also who has been the primary caregiver since the child was born?

In any case, get thee to an attorney. Today. Now. At the very least you need to discuss filing for divorce, custody and visitation (and child support will be in there too somewhere).
 

dawg1

Junior Member
Wouldn't attempting to kill yourself and the child together be reason to be fearful of harm? I mean she actually tried it and was locked up for a few days. Other than successfully killing the child, what could be worse than trying?

I guess they would argue she's 'fine' now (?)...
 

dawg1

Junior Member
Forgot to answer... my parents probably care for her the most. We both work and they keep her everyday except w/e's.
 

mistoffolees

Senior Member
Wouldn't attempting to kill yourself and the child together be reason to be fearful of harm? I mean she actually tried it and was locked up for a few days. Other than successfully killing the child, what could be worse than trying?

I guess they would argue she's 'fine' now (?)...
You need a good attorney.

Yes, you will be able to raise the issue of her mental competence to take care of the child. It will come down to evidence - can you prove that she was a risk? Then, can you prove that she's still a risk? She'll try to argue that she's cured - and may even have a counselor to testify. It may come down to some lengthy mental health examinations. Certainly, you're in a better position than if she didn't have that history, though.
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
Wouldn't attempting to kill yourself and the child together be reason to be fearful of harm? I mean she actually tried it and was locked up for a few days. Other than successfully killing the child, what could be worse than trying?

I guess they would argue she's 'fine' now (?)...
Respectfully, I'm going to suggest the possibility that legally speaking your child might not have been considered a child at the time.

It could be a very murky area to explore legally and you absolutely need to discuss this with your attorney.

Please, note that this is in no way commenting on the morality of when a child becomes a child, k? Just a possible legal factor.

Also, expect to perhaps have to defend yourself against allegations that you somehow contributed to the suicidal state of the mother. This isn't a guarantee by any means but it certainly wouldn't be the first time one parent has tried to use any and every reason to discredit the other.
 

dawg1

Junior Member
Update:
Wife called crying wanting to come home -- says child crying to go home. What did she expect from a 3yo?! Crazy. She tells me she signed an apt lease, etc. So this lasted from 2:30 to 8:30 EST. Guess I'll see if I can get this worked out. Thanks for all the input. Will update if the walls cave in.
 

mistoffolees

Senior Member
Update:
Wife called crying wanting to come home -- says child crying to go home. What did she expect from a 3yo?! Crazy. She tells me she signed an apt lease, etc. So this lasted from 2:30 to 8:30 EST. Guess I'll see if I can get this worked out. Thanks for all the input. Will update if the walls cave in.
Good luck to you.

I would strongly suggest two things:

1. Counseling. Sometimes it helps.

2. Talk with an attorney before agreeing to ANYTHING. My ex pulled some of the same stuff ("we're so good together and I promise I'll change") and I fell for it. When I finally filed 8 months later, I had hurt my position because I believed her. Even if I gave her another chance, I shouldn't have agreed to the things I agreed to.

Basically, hope for the best, but be prepared for the worst.
 

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