Divorce and Child Custody

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Virginia

My husband and I are currently seperated. We share 3 kids together and are currently planning a divorce. He is an Active Duty Member and fails to realize that I have more rights than he does as a civilian. The Army owns his ass not mine. .....My question is Does He have any control over me getting Primary Physical Custody?.....Im with all of my kids 24/7 and he could care less. Hes cheated numerous times and denies that his oldest son is his...when I never cheated on him...simply because I have no damn time. .....This situation is rediculous and hes trying to trap me here....I need some general info so I can get this divorce rolling. Although I refuse to go or do anything without my children because they are my world!

diamond_3 said:

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Virginia

My husband and I are currently seperated. We share 3 kids together and are currently planning a divorce. He is an Active Duty Member and fails to realize that I have more rights than he does as a civilian. The Army owns his ass not mine. .....My question is Does He have any control over me getting Primary Physical Custody?.....Im with all of my kids 24/7 and he could care less. Hes cheated numerous times and denies that his oldest son is his...when I never cheated on him...simply because I have no damn time. .....This situation is rediculous and hes trying to trap me here....I need some general info so I can get this divorce rolling. Although I refuse to go or do anything without my children because they are my world!

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If you are the primary caretaker for the children you are likely to receive primary custody, particularly if dad is deployable.

However, that doesn't mean that dad might not be able to stop you from moving the children out of the area, or at least for as long as he remains at that particular duty station, or until he gets deployed again.

Is VA the home state of record for all of you? Or is it another state?

diamond_3 said:

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Virginia

My husband and I are currently seperated. We share 3 kids together and are currently planning a divorce. He is an Active Duty Member and fails to realize that I have more rights than he does as a civilian. The Army owns his ass not mine. .....My question is Does He have any control over me getting Primary Physical Custody?.....Im with all of my kids 24/7 and he could care less. Hes cheated numerous times and denies that his oldest son is his...when I never cheated on him...simply because I have no damn time. .....This situation is rediculous and hes trying to trap me here....I need some general info so I can get this divorce rolling. Although I refuse to go or do anything without my children because they are my world!

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If he is AD he may actually have quite a bit more protection than you do in some aspects of a divorce/custody action.

The children are not just yours either - they are also his, and he has the exact same rights to them as you do. It might be just me this morning, but you're coming across a little bit like you care more for what you want versus what's actually best for the kids - and you just can't afford to take that into court with you.

Wait for the seniors to respond - the military aspect might complicate things a little and the info you receive might be different based upon that, k?

diamond_3 said:

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Virginia

My husband and I are currently seperated. We share 3 kids together and are currently planning a divorce. He is an Active Duty Member and fails to realize that I have more rights than he does as a civilian. The Army owns his ass not mine. .....My question is Does He have any control over me getting Primary Physical Custody?.....Im with all of my kids 24/7 and he could care less. Hes cheated numerous times and denies that his oldest son is his...when I never cheated on him...simply because I have no damn time. .....This situation is rediculous and hes trying to trap me here....I need some general info so I can get this divorce rolling. Although I refuse to go or do anything without my children because they are my world!

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That you find this horrible situation laughable (per your "smiley faces and rasberryfaces) makes me think that you shouldn't have PC.

Really?

Who uses that kind of trashy language in a public setting?

Would you go to an attorney's office and begin to speak in this manner? Do you plan to speak in this manner in front of the judge in your case?

I just re-read that first post.

OP, if you DID have time - would you have been cheating, too? That's what you've implied, basically.

Look, we GET that you're angry, and hurt. We get that. But you don't get to trash the father of your kids like that - and remember 50% of their genes are from him - without looking just a smidge trashy yourself, you know?

If you want what's best for your kids, and not what's best for you or what's worse for Dad, take the emotion out and start being objective. THEN you're going to find the tools you need to sort this out.

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Virginia

My husband and I are currently seperated. We share 3 kids together and are currently planning a divorce. He is an Active Duty Member and fails to realize that I have more rights than he does as a civilian. The Army owns his ass not mine. .....

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Actually the army does not own his ass. Slavery was outlawed.

My question is Does He have any control over me getting Primary Physical Custody?.....

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he has equal standing to you to get custody.

Im with all of my kids 24/7 and he could care less. Hes cheated numerous times and denies that his oldest son is his...when I never cheated on him...simply because I have no damn time. .....

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Great. So when the children are with dad you plan to sleep with anything that moves which means your morals are suspect at the very least.

This situation is rediculous and hes trying to trap me here....

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Trap you? Nope. But he can definitely prevent HIS children from being taken from him.

I need some general info so I can get this divorce rolling. Although I refuse to go or do anything without my children because they are my world!

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You need a new world then. Because quite frankly you should not put that much responsibility on your children. Love them. Care about them. Care for them. But don't live for them. Don't make them your world. Get a job. Get hobbies. They will spend time with their father away from you. He will get time in the summer, holidays, weekly time with his children -- without you. What will you do then?I seriously suggest counseling in order to form healthy attachments for your children. Because if they are not with you, what happens? Will you implode?

Silverplum said:

Really?

Who uses that kind of trashy language in a public setting?

Would you go to an attorney's office and begin to speak in this manner? Do you plan to speak in this manner in front of the judge in your case?

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Actually some people do come in my office or call me on the phone talking that way. I then tell them I pity their children since they apparently hold great disdain for the child who they made with the person they think is trash and that apparently their child is also trash. What a shame for the child. That usually shuts them up. If they are really angry, I start my conversation with the following question concerning custody:
If your child dies tomorrow, how do you want to take care of the funeral expenses? Should the child be buried or cremated? How will you deal with the other parent at the funeral?

Her husband has been cheating on her and tries to claim that their oldest child is not his. That's enough to make anyone angry and enough to make someone speak ill of their stbx.

We should keep that in mind. Most people aren't at their best and most rationale at a time like that.

LdiJ said:

Her husband has been cheating on her and tries to claim that their oldest child is not his. That's enough to make anyone angry and enough to make someone speak ill of their stbx.

We should keep that in mind. Most people aren't at their best and most rationale at a time like that.

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YOU keep it in mind, if you wish. You can advise her all day and all night.

I, for one, am not going to deal with vile language. People can control themselves if they choose.

LdiJ said:

Her husband has been cheating on her and tries to claim that their oldest child is not his. That's enough to make anyone angry and enough to make someone speak ill of their stbx.

We should keep that in mind. Most people aren't at their best and most rationale at a time like that.

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I sat and thought long and hard before I responded here. I am an ex, a cheated-upon ex, a widow, and a grieving parent who once lost a child - but I would neither expect nor require that any of these facts be taken into account before I respond to a post or even considered when someone either reads or responds to a post that I've made.

I am accountable for how I speak here, and I alone am responsible for how I present myself to others.

I'm sorry - but there's no excuse. None. All of us (at least, most of us?!) have histories, but that just doesn't excuse rudeness. I'm sorry, L, but it doesn't.