• FreeAdvice has a new Terms of Service and Privacy Policy, effective May 25, 2018.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our Terms of Service and use of cookies.

Timing & Things

Accident - Bankruptcy - Criminal Law / DUI - Business - Consumer - Employment - Family - Immigration - Real Estate - Tax - Traffic - Wills   Please click a topic or scroll down for more.

G

Green Bird

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? New York State


I have been surfing this Family Board for a month or so now. And just when I think certain concerns are tapered a bit, there are answers to questions which flare them back up again, particularly since they seem to contradict advice given to others. Such as:

1. Does a divorced, non-custodial parent have a right to medical information about his child, regardless of the opinion of parent with custody? Or is that something which has to ordered by a judge? One note on this board says yes (the child with braces) and another suggests no (the hostage insurance card).

2. Does accepting certain situations (such as being separated and with the child residing with mom and she, though generous, is setting how much time I can see my son) in helping working on reconcilliation, hurt, neutral or beneficial should a divorce come to fruition, with respects to custody and visitation?

And as an aside:

Is New York state really about the worse place in the USA to get divorced? Some commentary in local papers recently seems to suggest it just might be.
 


Ohiogal

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? New York State


I have been surfing this Family Board for a month or so now. And just when I think certain concerns are tapered a bit, there are answers to questions which flare them back up again, particularly since they seem to contradict advice given to others. Such as:

1. Does a divorced, non-custodial parent have a right to medical information about his child, regardless of the opinion of parent with custody? Or is that something which has to ordered by a judge? One note on this board says yes (the child with braces) and another suggests no (the hostage insurance card).
Click to expand...
Yes a parent has the right by law to access to the child's medical, school and daycare records. Getting the doctor's name is another story and could require a court order from a judge. Holding an insurance card hostage is immature, pathetic, and infantile. it does not good especially when the person has been ORDERED to provide insurance. Such behavior does nothing to get him the information he wants when he was told that by giving her the insurance card he would get the doctor's name through his EOB.
2. Does accepting certain situations (such as being separated and with the
child residing with mom and she, though generous, is setting how much time I can see my son) in helping working on reconcilliation, hurt, neutral or beneficial should a divorce come to fruition, with respects to custody and visitation?
Click to expand...
The parent who is the primary caretaker normally becomes the primary custodian. It depends on the details of the situation. Is the child residing with mom but dad providing equal care?



And as an aside:

Is New York state really about the worse place in the USA to get divorced? Some commentary in local papers recently seems to suggest it just might be.
Click to expand...

The worst place to get a divorce is the state where you are on the losing end of a judgment.
 
G

Green Bird

Junior Member
Ohiogal said:
The parent who is the primary caretaker normally becomes the primary custodian. It depends on the details of the situation. Is the child residing with mom but dad providing equal care?
Click to expand...
I do not know how equal care is defined. He lives with his mother and grandmother, in grandmother's apartment. I have been paying maintenance fees (co-op and directly), utilities (a generic check to my wife) and for what I guess most of the food (another generic check to my wife), and formula for our 13 month old (directly on-line). My wife has been paying for diapers and most of his clothes, though I have bought some over the past several months. Grandmother watches him during the day as my wife works. I gave my wife my car (purchased by myself before we even began dating) and I took hers (though we have made no changes in registration and title, and I am paying the insurance for both) as mine was more suitable for the carseat. She has been taking him on medical appointments since the separation, but only because she does not tell me when they are (I went on them all before separation and it is a different doctor).
Click to expand...
 
B

Bali Hai

Senior Member
Green Bird said:
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? New York State


I have been surfing this Family Board for a month or so now. And just when I think certain concerns are tapered a bit, there are answers to questions which flare them back up again, particularly since they seem to contradict advice given to others. Such as:

1. Does a divorced, non-custodial parent have a right to medical information about his child, regardless of the opinion of parent with custody? Or is that something which has to ordered by a judge? One note on this board says yes (the child with braces) and another suggests no (the hostage insurance card).

2. Does accepting certain situations (such as being separated and with the child residing with mom and she, though generous, is setting how much time I can see my son) in helping working on reconcilliation, hurt, neutral or beneficial should a divorce come to fruition, with respects to custody and visitation?

And as an aside:

Is New York state really about the worse place in the USA to get divorced? Some commentary in local papers recently seems to suggest it just might be.
Click to expand...
I was divorced in NYS and I have to say yes, there couldn't be a state much worse than NY for a man to get a divorce.

Of course if you're a woman, NY would be a great place to divorce.

Below I have given just one example of the screwed up domestic relations statutes on the books in NY.

Most people here on this site tell me that the laws governing divorces are gender neutral. I don't read ANYTHING in DRL 248 to suggest that it is gender neutral.

Furthermore, the law suggests that if you're a female, you have no responsibility and the man must hire a PI to find out if his ex remarried when it should be HER obligation to disclose this fact to the court and her ex. Otherwise, it's OK to steal someone else's money after her remarriage as long as she can keep that fact hidden. Gender neutral? HA!

§ 248. Modification of judgment or order in action for divorce or
annulment. Where an action for divorce or for annulment or for a
declaration of the nullity of a void marriage is brought by a husband or
wife, and a final judgment of divorce or a final judgment annulling the
marriage or declaring its nullity has been rendered, the court, by order
upon the application of the husband on notice, and on proof of the
marriage of the wife after such final judgment, must modify such final
judgment and any orders made with respect thereto by annulling the
provisions of such final judgment or orders, or of both, directing
payments of money for the support of the wife. The court in its
discretion upon application of the husband on notice, upon proof that
the wife is habitually living with another man and holding herself out
as his wife, although not married to such man, may modify such final
judgment and any orders made with respect thereto by annulling the
provisions of such final judgment or orders or of both, directing
payment of money for the support of such wife.
 
LdiJ

LdiJ

Senior Member
Green Bird said:
I do not know how equal care is defined. He lives with his mother and grandmother, in grandmother's apartment. I have been paying maintenance fees (co-op and directly), utilities (a generic check to my wife) and for what I guess most of the food (another generic check to my wife), and formula for our 13 month old (directly on-line). My wife has been paying for diapers and most of his clothes, though I have bought some over the past several months. Grandmother watches him during the day as my wife works. I gave my wife my car (purchased by myself before we even began dating) and I took hers (though we have made no changes in registration and title, and I am paying the insurance for both) as mine was more suitable for the carseat. She has been taking him on medical appointments since the separation, but only because she does not tell me when they are (I went on them all before separation and it is a different doctor).
Click to expand...
Care is NOT defined as money spent. Its time physically spent caring for the child. It sounds like mom is the primary caregiver because the child is physically residing with mom.

While I cannot agree with Bali, I will agree that NY is one of the more complicated states where divorce is concerned.
Click to expand...
 
B

Bali Hai

Senior Member
LdiJ said:
Green Bird said:
Care is NOT defined as money spent. Its time physically spent caring for the child. It sounds like mom is the primary caregiver because the child is physically residing with mom.

While I cannot agree with Bali, I will agree that NY is one of the more complicated states where divorce is concerned.
Click to expand...
You don't agree with Bali because you're a woman and you want divorce laws in the woman's favor.

Why don't you just be honest about that LD and stop giving evasive answers i.e., masking predjudice and bias divorce laws against men by referring to them as "complicated". :rolleyes:
Click to expand...
 
LdiJ

LdiJ

Senior Member
Bali Hai said:
LdiJ said:
You don't agree with Bali because you're a woman and you want divorce laws in the woman's favor.

Why don't you just be honest about that LD and stop giving evasive answers i.e., masking predjudice and bias divorce laws against men by referring to them as "complicated". :rolleyes:
Click to expand...
NY is more complicated because you cannot simply file for divorce and have the whole thing over in six months or less, as you can in other states.

In NY you either have to have grounds, or you have to be legally separated for a full year prior to filing for divorce.

That makes NY more complicated than many other states.
Click to expand...
 
Ohiogal

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
Green Bird said:
I do not know how equal care is defined. He lives with his mother and grandmother, in grandmother's apartment. I have been paying maintenance fees (co-op and directly), utilities (a generic check to my wife) and for what I guess most of the food (another generic check to my wife), and formula for our 13 month old (directly on-line). My wife has been paying for diapers and most of his clothes, though I have bought some over the past several months. Grandmother watches him during the day as my wife works. I gave my wife my car (purchased by myself before we even began dating) and I took hers (though we have made no changes in registration and title, and I am paying the insurance for both) as mine was more suitable for the carseat. She has been taking him on medical appointments since the separation, but only because she does not tell me when they are (I went on them all before separation and it is a different doctor).
Click to expand...

YOu are not providing care. You are spending money. As LD stated that is vastly different. If you want to be custodian after the divorce, you need to actually spend time providing physical care of the child. If you have insurance, contact the insurance company to find out what has been charged to it.
 
B

Bali Hai

Senior Member
LdiJ said:
Bali Hai said:
NY is more complicated because you cannot simply file for divorce and have the whole thing over in six months or less, as you can in other states.

In NY you either have to have grounds, or you have to be legally separated for a full year prior to filing for divorce.

That makes NY more complicated than many other states.
Click to expand...
Will you confirm or deny that NYS DRL 248 is bias against men (read below)?

A simple "I confirm" OR "I deny" that NYS DRL 248 is bias against men will do.


§ 248. Modification of judgment or order in action for divorce or
annulment. Where an action for divorce or for annulment or for a
declaration of the nullity of a void marriage is brought by a husband or
wife, and a final judgment of divorce or a final judgment annulling the
marriage or declaring its nullity has been rendered, the court, by order
upon the application of the husband on notice, and on proof of the
marriage of the wife after such final judgment, must modify such final
judgment and any orders made with respect thereto by annulling the
provisions of such final judgment or orders, or of both, directing
payments of money for the support of the wife. The court in its
discretion upon application of the husband on notice, upon proof that
the wife is habitually living with another man and holding herself out
as his wife, although not married to such man, may modify such final
judgment and any orders made with respect thereto by annulling the
provisions of such final judgment or orders or of both, directing
payment of money for the support of such wife.
Click to expand...
 
G

Green Bird

Junior Member
Ohiogal said:
YOu are not providing care. You are spending money. As LD stated that is vastly different. If you want to be custodian after the divorce, you need to actually spend time providing physical care of the child. If you have insurance, contact the insurance company to find out what has been charged to it.
Click to expand...
Click to expand...
To the extent that I am able to by our present separation, and to the extent which my wife allows me to (which has not been very much which is in part of our marital difficulties) I do.

My question also referred to visitation as well. From what I understand, the standard is every other weekend.

1. What factors determine weekday visits ect.?
2. Does the age of the child matter in making such determinations?
 
M

mistoffolees

Senior Member
Green Bird said:
To the extent that I am able to by our present separation, and to the extent which my wife allows me to (which has not been very much which is in part of our marital difficulties) I do.

My question also referred to visitation as well. From what I understand, the standard is every other weekend.

1. What factors determine weekday visits ect.?
2. Does the age of the child matter in making such determinations?
Click to expand...
Visitation / custody is determined based on the best interests of the child. That includes issues like:
- parenting skills
- How much time each parent has historically spent with the child
- Attachment of the child to one parent or both
- Living situation (if one parent is living out of a car, they're not going to get custody)
- family relationships
- anything else that can affect the child in a positive or negative way.

The age of the child is not directly involved. It is indirectly involved in two ways:
1. A very young child will need different care than an older child. A parent may easily be able or willing to deal with a 10 year old but not a 1 year old - and that will be considered.
2. If the child is older (mid-teens, generally), then their wishes may be considered. The more rational their wishes are, the more likely they are to be considered. "I want to live with Dad because he promised to take me to Disney world and he doesn't enforce bed time" won't cut it.

In general, by moving out and accepting a given visitation arrangement, you are creating a status quo which the court doesn't like to change. The general rule is to NOT move out and to spend as much time with the child(ren) as possible. File for divorce while still living with the children and request the desired custody arrangement and then do not move until the judge rules on at least temporary custody/visitation (the exception, of course, is if there is a danger of physical violence). Once you accept every other weekend, it will be harder to change that. Not impossible, just harder.
 
G

Green Bird

Junior Member
mistoffolees said:
Visitation / custody is determined based on the best interests of the child. That includes issues like:
- parenting skills
- How much time each parent has historically spent with the child
- Attachment of the child to one parent or both
- Living situation (if one parent is living out of a car, they're not going to get custody)
- family relationships
- anything else that can affect the child in a positive or negative way.

The age of the child is not directly involved. It is indirectly involved in two ways:
1. A very young child will need different care than an older child. A parent may easily be able or willing to deal with a 10 year old but not a 1 year old - and that will be considered.
2. If the child is older (mid-teens, generally), then their wishes may be considered. The more rational their wishes are, the more likely they are to be considered. "I want to live with Dad because he promised to take me to Disney world and he doesn't enforce bed time" won't cut it.

In general, by moving out and accepting a given visitation arrangement, you are creating a status quo which the court doesn't like to change. The general rule is to NOT move out and to spend as much time with the child(ren) as possible. File for divorce while still living with the children and request the desired custody arrangement and then do not move until the judge rules on at least temporary custody/visitation (the exception, of course, is if there is a danger of physical violence). Once you accept every other weekend, it will be harder to change that. Not impossible, just harder.
Click to expand...

I did not move out. I was asked to leave, and as I we were residing in somebody else's apartment, I didn't see as i had much of an option.
 
M

mistoffolees

Senior Member
Green Bird said:
I did not move out. I was asked to leave, and as I we were residing in somebody else's apartment, I didn't see as i had much of an option.
Click to expand...
It was the marital residence. You didn't have to leave. Or, if there were a court order telling you to leave, then you could have petitioned the divorce court to take your child with you as that would be evidence that your stbx was trying to separate you from the child.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Find the Right Lawyer for Your Legal Issue!

Fast, Free, and Confidential
data-ad-format="auto">
Top