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What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
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#1 Yesterday, 11:44 PM
idolgov
Junior Member Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 4
NY Woman living w/Abusive Alcoholic seeking options
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What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? New York
My mother has recently had to move out of my parents apartment in Brooklyn, NY due to my father's ever increasing drinking, blackouts, and verbal abuse. She has been requesting that he leave for several years now, but he refuses (I live 2000 miles away). Some history... my father is an abusive alcoholic, both physically and verbally, and there are two incidents with police reports showing his abuse towards my mother. Since he is the one making the household inhospitable/volatile, does she have any options in having him removed from the apartment if she files for divorce? Also, in general, how does she prevent my drunkard of a father from mooching off her after their official separation? Since my mother makes more money than he does, will she still owe alimony?
My mom has trouble with English, so any answers I can give her would be much appreciated.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Last edited by idolgov; Yesterday at 11:59 PM.
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#2 Yesterday, 11:55 PM
mistoffolees
Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 2,747
Quote:
Originally Posted by idolgov
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? New York
My mother has recently had to move out of my parents apartment in Brooklyn, NY due to my father's ever increasing drinking, blackouts, and verbal abuse. She has been requesting that he leave for several years now, but he refuses (I live 2000 miles away). Some history... my father is an abusive alcoholic, both physically and verbally, and there are two incidents with police reports showing his abuse towards my mother. Since he is the one making the household inhospitable/volatile, does she have any options in having him removed from the apartment if she files for divorce? Also, in general, how does she prevent my drunkard of a father from mooching off her after their official separation? Since my mother makes more money than he does, will she still owe alimony?
My mom has trouble with English, so any answers I can give her would be much appreciated.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
As for alimony, how long were they married?
She needs to file for divorce and ask the court for temporary possession of the apartment. That's the only way to make him leave.
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#3 Yesterday, 11:58 PM
idolgov
Junior Member Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 4
More details...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Moved to the United States in 1990, were married in Russia in 1978. In a divorce, does everything get split down the middle even though he's making life impossible?
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#4 Today, 07:59 AM
mistoffolees
Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 2,747
Quote:
Originally Posted by idolgov
Moved to the United States in 1990, were married in Russia in 1978. In a divorce, does everything get split down the middle even though he's making life impossible?
She's still alive? Then life isn't impossible. Please stick to legally defensible facts rather than wild exaggerations. No one cares whether she likes living with him or not. She lived with him for 31 years.
Each of them will be entitled to 1/2 of marital assets and 1/2 of marital debt with few exceptions. In a 31 year marriage, the higher earning spouse may very well end up paying alimony for quite a while.
She needs to see an attorney. Now.
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#5 Today, 11:38 AM
idolgov
Junior Member Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 4
Clearing things up
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
She has left him on 3 separate occasions, at each of which he always wound up in the hospital and needed to be nursed back to some sort of normalcy. I'm not going to rehash all the details because you wouldn't understand the full complexity of the story anyway. If you had read more carefully, you'd see that I said that she's had to leave recently because their home had become inhospitable again (where are you getting the word impossible?). She has seen an attorney before on numerous occasions, but he, like yourself, didn't seem to be very compassionate.
Frankly, the advice to see a lawyer is not worthwhile at all, any person could see a lawyer if they didn't charge an arm and a leg. What do you think this web site is for anyway?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Last edited by idolgov; Today at 11:46 AM.
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#6 Today, 12:02 PM
LdiJ
Senior Member Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 36,751
Quote:
Originally Posted by idolgov
She has left him on 3 separate occasions, at each of which he always wound up in the hospital and needed to be nursed back to some sort of normalcy. I'm not going to rehash all the details because you wouldn't understand the full complexity of the story anyway. If you had read more carefully, you'd see that I said that she's had to leave recently because their home had become inhospitable again (where are you getting the word impossible?). She has seen an attorney before on numerous occasions, but he, like yourself, didn't seem to be very compassionate.
Frankly, the advice to see a lawyer is not worthwhile at all, any person could see a lawyer if they didn't charge an arm and a leg. What do you think this web site is for anyway?
When it comes to a 30 year marriage, and the assets/debts associated with a 30 year marriage, its very unwise not to have an attorney. If someone is saavy enough to learn the law that they need to learn to represent themselves in court, then it can be done without, but its not wise.
You stated that your mother's english is limited, therefore she probably cannot represent herself, and you cannot appear or talk in court for her. Therefore she is not going to be able to do this without an attorney.
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#7 Today, 12:09 PM
ShyCat
Member Join Date: Nov 2000
Posts: 708
Quote:
Originally Posted by idolgov
If you had read more carefully, you'd see that I said that she's had to leave recently because their home had become inhospitable again (where are you getting the word impossible?).
Perhaps you should read more carefully what you yourself wrote. From your second post:
Quote:
In a divorce, does everything get split down the middle even though he's making life impossible?
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#8 Today, 12:15 PM
idolgov
Junior Member Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 4
Yes ok
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yes alright, I didn't reread my 2nd post. If we want to play pointless games, fine. I thought this was a website to get help, apparently not.
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#9 Today, 02:28 PM
mistoffolees
Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 2,747
Quote:
Originally Posted by idolgov
Yes alright, I didn't reread my 2nd post. If we want to play pointless games, fine. I thought this was a website to get help, apparently not.
It is a site for getting help - which you got.
It was your choice to ignore the advice you got. Don't come back whining about injustice later on.
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#1 Yesterday, 11:44 PM
idolgov
Junior Member Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 4
NY Woman living w/Abusive Alcoholic seeking options
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? New York
My mother has recently had to move out of my parents apartment in Brooklyn, NY due to my father's ever increasing drinking, blackouts, and verbal abuse. She has been requesting that he leave for several years now, but he refuses (I live 2000 miles away). Some history... my father is an abusive alcoholic, both physically and verbally, and there are two incidents with police reports showing his abuse towards my mother. Since he is the one making the household inhospitable/volatile, does she have any options in having him removed from the apartment if she files for divorce? Also, in general, how does she prevent my drunkard of a father from mooching off her after their official separation? Since my mother makes more money than he does, will she still owe alimony?
My mom has trouble with English, so any answers I can give her would be much appreciated.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Last edited by idolgov; Yesterday at 11:59 PM.
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#2 Yesterday, 11:55 PM
mistoffolees
Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 2,747
Quote:
Originally Posted by idolgov
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? New York
My mother has recently had to move out of my parents apartment in Brooklyn, NY due to my father's ever increasing drinking, blackouts, and verbal abuse. She has been requesting that he leave for several years now, but he refuses (I live 2000 miles away). Some history... my father is an abusive alcoholic, both physically and verbally, and there are two incidents with police reports showing his abuse towards my mother. Since he is the one making the household inhospitable/volatile, does she have any options in having him removed from the apartment if she files for divorce? Also, in general, how does she prevent my drunkard of a father from mooching off her after their official separation? Since my mother makes more money than he does, will she still owe alimony?
My mom has trouble with English, so any answers I can give her would be much appreciated.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
As for alimony, how long were they married?
She needs to file for divorce and ask the court for temporary possession of the apartment. That's the only way to make him leave.
Find a Family Law Attorney
mistoffolees
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#3 Yesterday, 11:58 PM
idolgov
Junior Member Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 4
More details...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Moved to the United States in 1990, were married in Russia in 1978. In a divorce, does everything get split down the middle even though he's making life impossible?
Find a Family Law Attorney
idolgov
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#4 Today, 07:59 AM
mistoffolees
Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 2,747
Quote:
Originally Posted by idolgov
Moved to the United States in 1990, were married in Russia in 1978. In a divorce, does everything get split down the middle even though he's making life impossible?
She's still alive? Then life isn't impossible. Please stick to legally defensible facts rather than wild exaggerations. No one cares whether she likes living with him or not. She lived with him for 31 years.
Each of them will be entitled to 1/2 of marital assets and 1/2 of marital debt with few exceptions. In a 31 year marriage, the higher earning spouse may very well end up paying alimony for quite a while.
She needs to see an attorney. Now.
Find a Family Law Attorney
mistoffolees
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Find all posts by mistoffolees
#5 Today, 11:38 AM
idolgov
Junior Member Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 4
Clearing things up
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
She has left him on 3 separate occasions, at each of which he always wound up in the hospital and needed to be nursed back to some sort of normalcy. I'm not going to rehash all the details because you wouldn't understand the full complexity of the story anyway. If you had read more carefully, you'd see that I said that she's had to leave recently because their home had become inhospitable again (where are you getting the word impossible?). She has seen an attorney before on numerous occasions, but he, like yourself, didn't seem to be very compassionate.
Frankly, the advice to see a lawyer is not worthwhile at all, any person could see a lawyer if they didn't charge an arm and a leg. What do you think this web site is for anyway?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Last edited by idolgov; Today at 11:46 AM.
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#6 Today, 12:02 PM
LdiJ
Senior Member Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 36,751
Quote:
Originally Posted by idolgov
She has left him on 3 separate occasions, at each of which he always wound up in the hospital and needed to be nursed back to some sort of normalcy. I'm not going to rehash all the details because you wouldn't understand the full complexity of the story anyway. If you had read more carefully, you'd see that I said that she's had to leave recently because their home had become inhospitable again (where are you getting the word impossible?). She has seen an attorney before on numerous occasions, but he, like yourself, didn't seem to be very compassionate.
Frankly, the advice to see a lawyer is not worthwhile at all, any person could see a lawyer if they didn't charge an arm and a leg. What do you think this web site is for anyway?
When it comes to a 30 year marriage, and the assets/debts associated with a 30 year marriage, its very unwise not to have an attorney. If someone is saavy enough to learn the law that they need to learn to represent themselves in court, then it can be done without, but its not wise.
You stated that your mother's english is limited, therefore she probably cannot represent herself, and you cannot appear or talk in court for her. Therefore she is not going to be able to do this without an attorney.
__________________
in vino veritas
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LdiJ
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#7 Today, 12:09 PM
ShyCat
Member Join Date: Nov 2000
Posts: 708
Quote:
Originally Posted by idolgov
If you had read more carefully, you'd see that I said that she's had to leave recently because their home had become inhospitable again (where are you getting the word impossible?).
Perhaps you should read more carefully what you yourself wrote. From your second post:
Quote:
In a divorce, does everything get split down the middle even though he's making life impossible?
Find a Family Law Attorney
ShyCat
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#8 Today, 12:15 PM
idolgov
Junior Member Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 4
Yes ok
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yes alright, I didn't reread my 2nd post. If we want to play pointless games, fine. I thought this was a website to get help, apparently not.
Find a Family Law Attorney
idolgov
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#9 Today, 02:28 PM
mistoffolees
Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 2,747
Quote:
Originally Posted by idolgov
Yes alright, I didn't reread my 2nd post. If we want to play pointless games, fine. I thought this was a website to get help, apparently not.
It is a site for getting help - which you got.
It was your choice to ignore the advice you got. Don't come back whining about injustice later on.
Find a Family Law Attorney