Seperated over 6 years, not legally

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NY

My wife and I are still married but she moved out over 6 years ago. We have been on and off trying to work it out but it is impossible. During that time she has always maintained her apt with the 2 children, ages 10 & 12. I do pay her support and give her money whenever she asks, when I have it. I pay for the kids school clothes and necessities as she is on SSD, which she was not on when we lived together, which I do not have a problem with. But I know now that it is not going to work and I just want to move on. We fight all the time and when I am home, I am a OTR truck driver, and she is mad or in a mood she tells me I can't see the kids. She tells me the kids are rude and disrespectful to her but to be honest the kids are awesome with me and everyone else. I try to tell her it is because she treats them bad, she calls them names, "little ba**ard" "a**holes", and she talks to them as if they were 20 yr olds. She is just miserable and I try to tell her that but then she doesn't let me see them til she is over her mood. The kids are miserable and I think my son is depressed. I have told her to get them in counseling, the kids are on medicaid and I pay the state when they go to the doctors, but she won't.

My older son, from a previous marriage, lives in AZ and he bought tickets for the kids, as well as my ex, to go visit them in AZ. He even bought his son tickets to fly from AZ to NY to get them because they were nervous to ride the plane and then for him to fly back to NY with them and then fly his son back to AZ. So anyway they spent over $2000 on tickets and now she is mad at me, because I told her she couldn't write anymore checks out to "CASH" off my business account because she had wrote out over $1500.00 in 7 weeks without telling me about it, yes she signed my name. So now she said they aren't going. So now everyone is upset, especially my 10 & 12 year old because they are extremely close with my son and his wife & kids. This is just a recent example of how she is. Whenever she is upset with me or in a mood, I don't even have to do anything, she takes it out on the kids.

So I guess my question is what should I do now? I just can't handle it anymore and I want the kids to have some sort of good childhood memories, which they are not getting with how the situation is now. I don't mind paying support and all that but I would like joint custody and a scheduled visitation so she can't say I can't have them. I am home every weekend and sometimes during the week so it isn't like I am gone for a month at a time or anything. Also I started a business a few years after she moved out. Will she have any right to any of it because weren't living together when I started it?

I know this is long but any advise would be greatly appreciated!!

You can file for divorce and iron out child support and custody/visitation as part of the eventual court order.

You need to get a lawyer and begin divorce proceedings.

Your 6 years of non legal separation don't mean much - separate dwellings does not equal time requirements for divorce.

AS far as custody is concerned, you can certainly get joint legal custody (joint decision making) but a custody schedule is only going to give you time on the weekends, because that is the only time you are guaranteed to be home, and a judge won't give you all the weekends.

Most likely you are looking at every other weekend.

LdiJ said:

AS far as custody is concerned, you can certainly get joint legal custody (joint decision making) but a custody schedule is only going to give you time on the weekends, because that is the only time you are guaranteed to be home, and a judge won't give you all the weekends.

Most likely you are looking at every other weekend.

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That will depend strongly on his schedule. If his schedule is flexible (there's no 'standard' truck driver schedule), he may easily get more.

In addition, he will almost certainly be able to get alternating holidays and an extended time during the summer.

mistoffolees said:

That will depend strongly on his schedule. If his schedule is flexible (there's no 'standard' truck driver schedule), he may easily get more.

In addition, he will almost certainly be able to get alternating holidays and an extended time during the summer.

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He already stated that he is home on the weekends, and only sometimes during the week. Also, his work schedule isn't going to change during the summer, so nothing changes for the summer either unless of course he takes some vacation time.

Yes, of course he would get holidays, again assuming he isn't on the road.

I do tons of tax returns for long haul truckers, its actually a bit unusual for any of them to even be home regularly on weekends. On the average they usually on the road about 300 days a year.

Thank you all for your help.

I am leased on with a company but I also own my own company in which I do short runs back and forth between 2 - 3 states which is why I am home on the weekends. When I have no work, from my business, I go over the road for the trucking company. The kids go in the truck with me alot. So I should be able to get visitation in the summer months so they can go with me, right?

I have an appt with a lawyer in 2 weeks to start the paperwork. I just want to make sure I cover everything with him so that he knows what I would like. Not that it will happen, but just so he knows what I would like to fight for.

Again thank you!

silverado1 said:

Thank you all for your help.

I am leased on with a company but I also own my own company in which I do short runs back and forth between 2 - 3 states which is why I am home on the weekends. When I have no work, from my business, I go over the road for the trucking company. The kids go in the truck with me alot. So I should be able to get visitation in the summer months so they can go with me, right?

I have an appt with a lawyer in 2 weeks to start the paperwork. I just want to make sure I cover everything with him so that he knows what I would like. Not that it will happen, but just so he knows what I would like to fight for.

Again thank you!

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Its not guaranteed that a judge will agree that its in the children's best interests to go with you in the truck.

I am sorry, but that is reality. Its also quite possible that a judge would feel that its not in the best interest of the children at all for them to go with you in the truck. The reality of things is that it does put the children at a far greater risk than for most children.

You need an attorney but you also need to understand that your situation is not the "norm" and that it may not work out the way that you hope.

LdiJ said:

Its not guaranteed that a judge will agree that its in the children's best interests to go with you in the truck.

I am sorry, but that is reality. Its also quite possible that a judge would feel that its not in the best interest of the children at all for them to go with you in the truck. The reality of things is that it does put the children at a far greater risk than for most children.

You need an attorney but you also need to understand that your situation is not the "norm" and that it may not work out the way that you hope.

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What is the "norm"??

Let me guess, father goes to work from 9-5 comes home to a white picket fence and well manicured lawn and swimming pool??

Judge doesn't think a truck driving father is good enough?? Maybe the judge will change their mind when they get hungry because all the truckers quit their job to become "normal" and the supermarkets are empty.

Bali Hai said:

What is the "norm"??

Let me guess, father goes to work from 9-5 comes home to a white picket fence and well manicured lawn and swimming pool??

Judge doesn't think a truck driving father is good enough?? Maybe the judge will change their mind when they get hungry because all the truckers quit their job to become "normal" and the supermarkets are empty.

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Are you unable to read Bali? He is on the road during the week, so he can't have primary custody during the school year. A judge may or may not find it acceptable for the children to travel with him on the truck during the summer.
Personally, I think it puts the children at too much risk, but some judges may feel its ok.