H
Hensylee
Guest
Mother died 1/2/01 at 91 y.o. Her instructions were to divide her bank accounts equally between us four children. Mother had major surgery in 1998, requiring 3 of us living locally to give her round the clock care. One sister finally couldn't take being out of her own home so much and refused to go anymore, but she had built her own home with large bedrooms w/bath to accommodate extra residents if we all needed to live together late in life. She decided it would be an answer to move mother there, where sister would not have to leave her home except when she went to her business that she owns and could sleep in her own bed at night, but brother and I continued day care every day until Mother fired us some months later and was ok alone during the day, but we were in constant touch all day; she just got sick and tired of our constant company and hovering and serving her. Sister cooked meals for her and was at home most times to serve the meals. When the move was suggested, it was agreed that Mother would pay the electric bills and food bills with "no other strings attached". When I discussed w/sister Last year Mother's instructions that the $ was to be divided equally she replied "Do you think I would do otherwise?" (I did). Now Mother is dead and sister wants us all to "SUBMIT A BILL". I told her whatever I did through the years for mother was out of love, but sister stated She wants to be paid for giving up 26 months of her life to "take care of mother". Sister has a business, is in many civic activities, locally, statewide and nationally--she gave none of them up, travelled when she wanted to because there were two others of us to take the nights and weekends with mother, did not have to give MOther constant care as in an assisted living institution or nursing home and she actually gave up nothing except being home more often. She is billing Mothers "estate" for room and bath totaling $39,000 (1500/month plus 30 more days @50.00/day) plus $7800 for housing, whatever that means, less $2600 for electricity that Mother paid monthly. As for Mother paying for food bills, sister said "you pay for your caretaker's food".
In 1990 our father gave our fourth sibling 10 acres that he paid $80.00/acre for long ago and he priced the land at about $1000, and gave the other 3 of us $1000 which was never paid but I never gave it a thought nor did my brother. She now wants to take this 10 acres out of our younger sibling's share at $8000 plus trees that were cut, totaling $3468 and deduct it from our younger sibling's share of Mother's money. Also she has added in the $1000 from 1990 and added 7% interest for the other three of us!! And this is to come from Mothers bank accounts.
Her "bill" comes to $61,306, my brothers share $20,886, my share $19,857; our younger sibling $12786 plus the acreage and timber cut equaling $3468!! She came up with "bills" for brother and me to arrive at all this junk.
She has based all of these figures on a local nursing home's charges, but charging the estate less than if Mother was in a nursing home, calling it "in-home care" and actually giving us figures on what the savings have been. I always promised Mother she would never go into a nursing home so that was never a part of the situation to begin with, tho sister always threatened Mother she would put her in a nursing home; I promised Mother she would live with me, but sister's home was built with that purpose in mind and that's what sister wanted and so Mother went there, but Mother was not a helpless woman, she cared for herself, took her own baths, dressed herself, sewed clothes, shampooed/set her own hair; applied her own makeup; shopped with me; lived more or less independently in what she called her "apartment" and got around on a walker, cane and wheel chair..
The family is completely broken apart about this because I am outraged that our sister would demand this and told her in no uncertain terms, and it shows such disrespect for our Mother's wishes. Mother was such a kind and loving woman that I cannot imagine anyone dishonoring her in this way. Three of us have had our grieving interrupted to deal with this outrage. Out sister never asked our opinions at all; she just said "I want to be paid".
My feeling is that all four of us should receive $25,000 ea with the balance going to big sister; approximately another $20,000. I believe she is not going to back down so I do not know where to go from here. Hiring a lawyer would just be wasting Mother's money because of the costs involved, but I need to know what our rights are and what hers are. I also believe that since sister has no license to have in-home care as to assisted living/nursing home, it is illegal to charge anything other than general expenses (ie the elec bill and food bills - there were no other house bills to be paid except property taxes) and wouldn't she also have to declare to IRS as income? Brother is the go-between and handling the disbursement (if there ever is one) but he has no backbone and hasalways obeyed our big sister as she has the "older child" syndrome and the rest of us just have let her have her way to placate her, but I am not willing on this. I am really lost on this one, but if I can't get some help here, I don't know what else to do. What do you think?
In 1990 our father gave our fourth sibling 10 acres that he paid $80.00/acre for long ago and he priced the land at about $1000, and gave the other 3 of us $1000 which was never paid but I never gave it a thought nor did my brother. She now wants to take this 10 acres out of our younger sibling's share at $8000 plus trees that were cut, totaling $3468 and deduct it from our younger sibling's share of Mother's money. Also she has added in the $1000 from 1990 and added 7% interest for the other three of us!! And this is to come from Mothers bank accounts.
Her "bill" comes to $61,306, my brothers share $20,886, my share $19,857; our younger sibling $12786 plus the acreage and timber cut equaling $3468!! She came up with "bills" for brother and me to arrive at all this junk.
She has based all of these figures on a local nursing home's charges, but charging the estate less than if Mother was in a nursing home, calling it "in-home care" and actually giving us figures on what the savings have been. I always promised Mother she would never go into a nursing home so that was never a part of the situation to begin with, tho sister always threatened Mother she would put her in a nursing home; I promised Mother she would live with me, but sister's home was built with that purpose in mind and that's what sister wanted and so Mother went there, but Mother was not a helpless woman, she cared for herself, took her own baths, dressed herself, sewed clothes, shampooed/set her own hair; applied her own makeup; shopped with me; lived more or less independently in what she called her "apartment" and got around on a walker, cane and wheel chair..
The family is completely broken apart about this because I am outraged that our sister would demand this and told her in no uncertain terms, and it shows such disrespect for our Mother's wishes. Mother was such a kind and loving woman that I cannot imagine anyone dishonoring her in this way. Three of us have had our grieving interrupted to deal with this outrage. Out sister never asked our opinions at all; she just said "I want to be paid".
My feeling is that all four of us should receive $25,000 ea with the balance going to big sister; approximately another $20,000. I believe she is not going to back down so I do not know where to go from here. Hiring a lawyer would just be wasting Mother's money because of the costs involved, but I need to know what our rights are and what hers are. I also believe that since sister has no license to have in-home care as to assisted living/nursing home, it is illegal to charge anything other than general expenses (ie the elec bill and food bills - there were no other house bills to be paid except property taxes) and wouldn't she also have to declare to IRS as income? Brother is the go-between and handling the disbursement (if there ever is one) but he has no backbone and hasalways obeyed our big sister as she has the "older child" syndrome and the rest of us just have let her have her way to placate her, but I am not willing on this. I am really lost on this one, but if I can't get some help here, I don't know what else to do. What do you think?