SoSadSoMad
Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Kansas
Will try to stay with bullet points and facts.
Husband will be 60 in May 10. Works for the Railroad; employed for 30+ years there. (Railroad Retirement Act Applies)
I am 47. We've been married 18 years.
Child 1 - born in 92 - will be 18 in Mar 10.
Child 2 - born in 94 - will be 18 in Mar 12.
Child 1 a Sr. in HS; Child 2 a Soph. in HS.
We've had numerous issues (mental health) with our children. My husband has always prioritized as follows:
- Golf (joined a Country Club without discussion; auto-withdrawal every month; only he uses the CC for golf - rest of family does not.)
- Work
- Sports
- Children
He does not participate in: Parenting, Discipline, Family Functions (plays golf instead of funerals), Rule Setting, Boundaries.
He has been emotional abusive and verbally abusive to all, but mostly me. Examples: has called me a crazy B * * CH in front of the children; allows them to do so also.
I HAD a GREAT job. 7 Years ago, when my first born began showing signs of severe depression, my husband told me to quit and tend to the children. I quit by my own choice, as my children are and have always been my first priority.
Flash-Forward 7 years later -
both children are on medication.
The first has been in 4 different centers for mental health and substance abuse.
Both children are in counseling.
I am in counseling.
We've tried family counseling with independent professionals, but doesn't work when one parent is on the golf course.
We've also engaged with the county resources here for Family Focus and Family Preservation - again - doesn't work when one parent decides to not participate.
For the whole marriage, my husband has made decisions based on self-serving reasons. He's always taken his vacation time when 'he' wanted, never discussing with others nor when the family might take a trip.
He goes to work when he wants and doesn't go to work when he wants.
He doesn't 'do' parent conferences, counseling, homework, bed-time, discipline, etc.
So - even when he's in town (railroad does take him away) he's not engaged.
He announced today - with no planning and no previous discussion that:
He is retiring in May.
I shared that we've not saved, our investments are 'in the toilet' and that we (the family) have expenses that can't be met by his retirement payments.
He also has a wife who get's 50% of his Tier 2 when he retires (she is his age).
He flat out says he intends to live on his RRA and our savings. As you can see, most likely, when I reach proper retirement age, WE will have nothing.
So - my questions:
1. If I file for divorce, can a judge order him to continue working, or at least support his dependent child until 18?
2. Can I get an injunction through family court for his unilateral actions/choices?
3. What options do I have?
I am willing to go back to work and support myself - no issue. However, do to the intensity of the counseling my children are in, my earning will be limited. Only 1 has a license, and it's restricted to school/work only.
I really need some fast advice if possible. He's already moving money around, and it's not to my benefit should I opt to divorce. Our previous intent was to stay married until 2nd child reaches 18. Then, divorce.
This 'retire in May' is new, unplanned and totally a surprise. Thanks in advance.
Will try to stay with bullet points and facts.
Husband will be 60 in May 10. Works for the Railroad; employed for 30+ years there. (Railroad Retirement Act Applies)
I am 47. We've been married 18 years.
Child 1 - born in 92 - will be 18 in Mar 10.
Child 2 - born in 94 - will be 18 in Mar 12.
Child 1 a Sr. in HS; Child 2 a Soph. in HS.
We've had numerous issues (mental health) with our children. My husband has always prioritized as follows:
- Golf (joined a Country Club without discussion; auto-withdrawal every month; only he uses the CC for golf - rest of family does not.)
- Work
- Sports
- Children
He does not participate in: Parenting, Discipline, Family Functions (plays golf instead of funerals), Rule Setting, Boundaries.
He has been emotional abusive and verbally abusive to all, but mostly me. Examples: has called me a crazy B * * CH in front of the children; allows them to do so also.
I HAD a GREAT job. 7 Years ago, when my first born began showing signs of severe depression, my husband told me to quit and tend to the children. I quit by my own choice, as my children are and have always been my first priority.
Flash-Forward 7 years later -
both children are on medication.
The first has been in 4 different centers for mental health and substance abuse.
Both children are in counseling.
I am in counseling.
We've tried family counseling with independent professionals, but doesn't work when one parent is on the golf course.
We've also engaged with the county resources here for Family Focus and Family Preservation - again - doesn't work when one parent decides to not participate.
For the whole marriage, my husband has made decisions based on self-serving reasons. He's always taken his vacation time when 'he' wanted, never discussing with others nor when the family might take a trip.
He goes to work when he wants and doesn't go to work when he wants.
He doesn't 'do' parent conferences, counseling, homework, bed-time, discipline, etc.
So - even when he's in town (railroad does take him away) he's not engaged.
He announced today - with no planning and no previous discussion that:
He is retiring in May.
I shared that we've not saved, our investments are 'in the toilet' and that we (the family) have expenses that can't be met by his retirement payments.
He also has a wife who get's 50% of his Tier 2 when he retires (she is his age).
He flat out says he intends to live on his RRA and our savings. As you can see, most likely, when I reach proper retirement age, WE will have nothing.
So - my questions:
1. If I file for divorce, can a judge order him to continue working, or at least support his dependent child until 18?
2. Can I get an injunction through family court for his unilateral actions/choices?
3. What options do I have?
I am willing to go back to work and support myself - no issue. However, do to the intensity of the counseling my children are in, my earning will be limited. Only 1 has a license, and it's restricted to school/work only.
I really need some fast advice if possible. He's already moving money around, and it's not to my benefit should I opt to divorce. Our previous intent was to stay married until 2nd child reaches 18. Then, divorce.
This 'retire in May' is new, unplanned and totally a surprise. Thanks in advance.
