Phone Confiscation

Oklahoma

I have suspected my wife of adultery for more than 6 months. In that time she began sleeping with her cell phone in her pocket. I have not seen it laying out once in 6 months. Tonight she fell asleep with it charging. I picked it up and reviewed the texts. She has been texting a guy I know in the town I live in. The texts are graphic and detailed. There is no doubt after reading the texts it is clear that she has not been faithful.

I have two questions.

I currently have her phone put up where she can not get to it. Is there anything illegal about this?

I want to keep the phone put up for legal matters. Would these texts from the last two months have any weight in a divorce or custody hearing?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

More Infor

The phones are in my name.

I am not seeking a divorce. I am concerned about her seeking a divorce.

The texts included times and dates of there meetings. They included graphic details. They stated that the adultery took place in our house.

More details can be provided as needed.

Uncleluckey said:

The phones are in my name.

I am not seeking a divorce. I am concerned about her seeking a divorce.

The texts included times and dates of there meetings. They included graphic details. They stated that the adultery took place in our house.

More details can be provided as needed.

Click to expand...

Honestly, adultery makes very little difference these days in a divorce situation, so having "evidence" of her adultery will mean fairly little for you. Unless she seriously disipated marital assets on the affair, or involved joint children in her affair, its kind of irrelevant. You would also need considerably more proof than the cell phone if either of those were the case.

Having her cell phone in your sole physical possession could call your credibility into question, since both phones are in your name and you have sole access to the phone.

I also hope that you have a landline, because cutting off phone access for her can also bite you in the butt later.

LdiJ said:

Honestly, adultery makes very little difference these days in a divorce situation, so having "evidence" of her adultery will mean fairly little for you. Unless she seriously disipated marital assets on the affair, or involved joint children in her affair, its kind of irrelevant. You would also need considerably more proof than the cell phone if either of those were the case.

Having her cell phone in your sole physical possession could call your credibility into question, since both phones are in your name and you have sole access to the phone.

I also hope that you have a landline, because cutting off phone access for her can also bite you in the butt later.

Click to expand...

I agree with LD (okay it must be the Christmas spirit ) but especially about the bolded -- in some places cutting off her phone access in her residence is ILLEGAL and could result in criminal charges.

LdiJ said:

Honestly, adultery makes very little difference these days in a divorce situation, so having "evidence" of her adultery will mean fairly little for you. Unless she seriously disipated marital assets on the affair, or involved joint children in her affair, its kind of irrelevant. You would also need considerably more proof than the cell phone if either of those were the case.

Click to expand...

That is generally true, but OP is in Oklahoma. OK is an equitable distribution state and there are still some bible belt judges here who will use adultery as a means to punish the adulterer. I can't say how frequently it happens, but I've heard of it happening.

I would suggest talking with an attorney to determine what should be done in that district.

mistoffolees said:

That is generally true, but OP is in Oklahoma. OK is an equitable distribution state and there are still some bible belt judges here who will use adultery as a means to punish the adulterer. I can't say how frequently it happens, but I've heard of it happening.

I would suggest talking with an attorney to determine what should be done in that district.

Click to expand...

I haven't seen a case like that in a very long time...and to make it happen the OP would have to spend quite a bit more in legal fees, than would normally be needed, assuming the judge that he would draw would be a judge inclined in that direction.

LdiJ said:

I haven't seen a case like that in a very long time...and to make it happen the OP would have to spend quite a bit more in legal fees, than would normally be needed, assuming the judge that he would draw would be a judge inclined in that direction.

Click to expand...

I live in OK. Take my word for it - it does happen some times.

Not all that often any more and it COULD easily cost more than it's worth, but it's wrong to say that adultery doesn't matter in divorce any more. That's why I suggested talking with an attorney who would know the judge in the case and have some idea of whether it is relevant for that judge or not.

mistoffolees said:

I live in OK. Take my word for it - it does happen some times.

Not all that often any more and it COULD easily cost more than it's worth, but it's wrong to say that adultery doesn't matter in divorce any more. That's why I suggested talking with an attorney who would know the judge in the case and have some idea of whether it is relevant for that judge or not.

Click to expand...

I absolutely agree with the bolded.

More Worried About Custody

Thanks for all the input on the divorce. However I am more worried about custody of our children if she files for divorce. Would the texts help me in any way? They are very graphic. Times and dates. What was done... felacios, sex etc. What they are going to try next... anal and threesome. Place that it happened... hotel and our house. When the kids and I will be gone so he can come over. Gifts she has bought for him... X Box 360, games and movies. Plus all the dirty phone texts.

It is all wrong and very dirty. I really wish I had never read all this.

Does anyone know if any of this would sway the judge?

Uncleluckey said:

Thanks for all the input on the divorce. However I am more worried about custody of our children if she files for divorce. Would the texts help me in any way? They are very graphic. Times and dates. What was done... felacios, sex etc. What they are going to try next... anal and threesome. Place that it happened... hotel and our house. When the kids and I will be gone so he can come over. Gifts she has bought for him... X Box 360, games and movies. Plus all the dirty phone texts.

It is all wrong and very dirty. I really wish I had never read all this.

Does anyone know if any of this would sway the judge?

Click to expand...

Unless it happened in front of the children, or otherwise directly and negatively impacted the children, its not necessarily going to make a huge difference in child custody.

I also have a concern because the phone is no longer in her custody. Its in yours...and in your name. How are you going to prove that she was the one who sent those messages? How are you going to prove that it wasn't you trying to discredit her?

As Misto said, you are in the bible belt and you might draw a judge who would rule negatively against mom if you can prove it.

No matter how she has betrayed you, she is still the mother of your children.

Uncleluckey said:

Thanks for all the input on the divorce. However I am more worried about custody of our children if she files for divorce. Would the texts help me in any way? They are very graphic. Times and dates. What was done... felacios, sex etc. What they are going to try next... anal and threesome. Place that it happened... hotel and our house. When the kids and I will be gone so he can come over. Gifts she has bought for him... X Box 360, games and movies. Plus all the dirty phone texts.

It is all wrong and very dirty. I really wish I had never read all this.

Does anyone know if any of this would sway the judge?

Click to expand...

Nobody can even hazard a guess - this is why you were advised to seek local counsel who will be able to gauge local court moods and tendencies.

But i must ask - are you trying to use these things to prove Mom unfit?

Or I could have just said "ditto LdiJ"

Uncleluckey said:

Thanks for all the input on the divorce. However I am more worried about custody of our children if she files for divorce. Would the texts help me in any way? They are very graphic. Times and dates. What was done... felacios, sex etc. What they are going to try next... anal and threesome. Place that it happened... hotel and our house. When the kids and I will be gone so he can come over. Gifts she has bought for him... X Box 360, games and movies. Plus all the dirty phone texts.

Click to expand...

In general, even in Oklahoma, adultery is not going to affect child custody unless she did something in the presence of the children or somehow made them party to the activity.

Uncleluckey said:

It is all wrong and very dirty. I really wish I had never read all this.

Click to expand...

Yeah, isn't it awful the way she held a gun to your head and made you get into her cell phone?

Uncleluckey said:

Does anyone know if any of this would sway the judge?

Click to expand...

I told you - it depends on the judge so see a local attorney. But it's not likely to affect child custody. In fact, it's likely that your spying on her and attempts to blackmail her with the information would pretty much wipe out any potential harm done by her adultery (again, unless she did something in front of the kids).