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owner of bar decides to be inappropriate

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gr8beauty1

Junior Member
Wisconsin
So i dont get out much at all and when I do i like to have fun, Got dressed up. went out. i was dancing a lot, talking to people, flirting..this guy says to me, my friend thinks your beautiful but hes really shy. will you talk to him or dance with him or something? so im talking with him, laughing, dancing, and he decides to strt rubbing my crotch. i get mad and walk away and telling the bouncer (who was only 5ft away) and he tells me the guy does this all the time when he gets drunk and dont worry about it. hes the owner of the bar. so i said fine, just dont let him near me because im pissed as all hell. The owners friend comes up to me and asks whats wrong. hes tells me the same thing. that he always does stuff like this and just leave it alone and the owners leaving anyway. instead tey just took him to the other side of the bar...so the bouncer and his friend start buying me and my friend flowers. we are all just talking. they are trying to put me in a better mood, which happened. Then the owner tries to come up and hug me. from that point i went off. he was like do you know who i am? i own this place. lots of words were exchanged back and forth. he got in my face like he was going to hit me, and a girl that worked there pulled him back. she comes up to me and tells me he ownx the place and i need to leave. at that point, i called the police. they basically acted like i made the whole thing up. they told the bouncer (who said he doesnt care if its his boss, what he did was messed up and he wanted to let the cops know) that its none of his business and he needs to stay out of it. they told my friend who was there to leave and didnt get any statement from her. they kept me in the back of the squad for 3 hours and wouldnt let me out or b on the phone or anything. they come out and tell me theres a tape and they see me laughing nd dancing with him. and they see the confrontation, but because of the angle cant see him touching me at all. they also say that all of the witnesses say they didnt see anything, but of course they are his friends (obviously they should be able to see on the tape me mad and his friends trying to calm me down). and like i said they wouldnt question absolutely anyone that was with me, or even the bouncer that works there. anyway, i find out today the owner is an ex cop and knows the cops that were there? would this just be a huge drawn out long mess for me to do anything about?
 


gr8beauty1

Junior Member
i dont care how many people, men and women, that i talked to danced with, how i dressed (which was not inappropriate), how i was dancing, etc. it doesnt matter to me if i was dancing in a strip club, which i would never do, point being i dont think its fair grounds for a man to have this type of behavior and it be excused. i even showed the officers (and they could also verify by the tape), the text that told my friend what happened right after it happened, with the time on it.
 

Banned_Princess

Senior Member
can you please articulate that into readable and coherent paragraphs, including punctuation and a distinct legal question?


white spaces, the facts and a question. Thanks.




What DO you want to happen?
 
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gr8beauty1

Junior Member
im not sure what my options even are at this point. i am very upset with the police department for making me feel bad, like i did wrong. for acting like i was a criminal. for not interviewing anyone but his friends. I am not trying to say this is the same thing, but I never understood before why women would always say they cant go to the cops when things happen to them. i completely understand now.
i dont know if i should file formal complaints against the bar and police department. i dont know if i should let it go. i dont know what to do
 

gr8beauty1

Junior Member
I apologize. I'm just angry and typing too fast. My main question is, will this turn into a long drawn out thing if I do file complaints or anything?
 

cyjeff

Senior Member
im not sure what my options even are at this point. i am very upset with the police department for making me feel bad, like i did wrong. for acting like i was a criminal. for not interviewing anyone but his friends. I am not trying to say this is the same thing, but I never understood before why women would always say they cant go to the cops when things happen to them. i completely understand now.
i dont know if i should file formal complaints against the bar and police department. i dont know if i should let it go. i dont know what to do
No one saw it but you.

I am not saying it was right. I am saying that our legal system runs on evidence.

You were drinking. He was drinking. So, the only two witnesses were drunk. At a strip club. After laughing and dancing.

MOST cops wouldn't touch this with a ten foot pole without some outside evidence.

Your friend didn't see it. The bouncer didn't see it.
 

gr8beauty1

Junior Member
I wasn't at a strip club. Im sorry. I was just making the point that it shouldn't have happened no matter what. The owner's friend did see it. And not that I would've been able to do anything, but there were plenty of people there that I did not know, that were fully ready to talk to the police and tell them that this man does it all of the time. They didn't want to speak to anyone but the owner and his friends. Anyway, I guess I'm just stuck with letting it go then. Its frustrating that police officers can get away with not doing their jobs correctly because they are friends with the owner. Thank You
 

las365

Senior Member
I don't get the impression that it was a strip club.

OP, you would have more credibility if you had left the club after the man first touched you in an offensive manner instead of staying there and continuing to drink.

The officers at the scene made a judgment call that they would not arrest anyone. They don't have to arrest anyone based on a complaint like yours. They did investigate by looking at the surveillance videos. Your text message isn't evidence of anything other than the fact that you sent the message.

You are free to take your complaint about the bar owner to the local District Attorney's office and ask them to look into it. You are free to complain to the police department about the officers who came to the scene.

Dont expect much.
 

gr8beauty1

Junior Member
My expectations were not 100% that somebody would get arrested. My expectations would be that they talk to everyone who was around. Everyone that was in my immediate area, anyone that knew anything about what was going on. The only ones that got to say anything were his friends. Like I said, I didn't even know some of the people that saw/heard/asked/tried to calm me down immediately after it happened. I guess I will have to suck it up
 

justalayman

Senior Member
if it was such an egregious act, you should have called the police rather than accepting flowers and drinks. The fact you did not call the police when it happened but only when you were being booted from the bar tends to show you did not feel offended enough to call the police when you were the subject of a sexual battery.

as las365 stated, if you want to try to take things further, contact the DA's office and see what they say.

other than that, if your complaint is the police didn't talk to everybody you felt they should have, well, then apparently the offense was not that great at all since how the police responded has become more important than the actual battery.

So, for that, go to the police station and file a complaint. The commander of the precinct will take it from there.
 

cyjeff

Senior Member
My expectations were not 100% that somebody would get arrested. My expectations would be that they talk to everyone who was around. Everyone that was in my immediate area, anyone that knew anything about what was going on. The only ones that got to say anything were his friends. Like I said, I didn't even know some of the people that saw/heard/asked/tried to calm me down immediately after it happened. I guess I will have to suck it up
For what it is worth, I am very saddened that this happened to you.

Everyone was drinking... witnesses, victim and assailant. Very difficult situation.
 

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