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Ex husband's death financial burden to kids

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2busy

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? MO
My ex of 10 years passed away suddenly. (We were married for 10 years also) He had not remarried but lived with a couple of other women. His retirement beneficiary is a past live-in who has no intentions on helping pay for his funeral, hospital bills, debts turned over to collections while they were together, etc. This is leaving my children (and me) in financial hardship. He signed my children over for adoption by my current husband due to not wanting to pay child support ($5000+ behind @ the time). This leaves his closest heirs to paying the bills. The most recent live in says he had nothing saved or assests we could use to help pay. What are our options?
 


nextwife

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? MO
My ex of 10 years passed away suddenly. (We were married for 10 years also) He had not remarried but lived with a couple of other women. His retirement beneficiary is a past live-in who has no intentions on helping pay for his funeral, hospital bills, debts turned over to collections while they were together, etc. This is leaving my children (and me) in financial hardship. He signed my children over for adoption by my current husband due to not wanting to pay child support ($5000+ behind @ the time). This leaves his closest heirs to paying the bills. The most recent live in says he had nothing saved or assests we could use to help pay. What are our options?
If the children were adopted, he is no longer their father.
 

Antigone*

Senior Member
You are triangulating this into a problem when you shouldn't

You and your children have no obligation to pay for his funeral, or his bills. Don't make it your problem.
 

2busy

Junior Member
They have a half sister is why the whole thing is coming back into their "court" so to speak. The 3 siblings are very close and my 2 will not leave this burden for their sister alone. The ex has not had contact with any of them for years. The half sister does not have the means to take care of his financial situation. Weird situation but I'm trying to find out if the retirement benefits should go to the oldest (which is the half sister) so she can put the matters to rest. If not it will go to a one time live in (that he named as beneficiary) who refuses to help with funeral expenses.
 

Isis1

Senior Member
They have a half sister is why the whole thing is coming back into their "court" so to speak. The 3 siblings are very close and my 2 will not leave this burden for their sister alone. The ex has not had contact with any of them for years. The half sister does not have the means to take care of his financial situation. Weird situation but I'm trying to find out if the retirement benefits should go to the oldest (which is the half sister) so she can put the matters to rest. If not it will go to a one time live in (that he named as beneficiary) who refuses to help with funeral expenses.
is the half sister a minor?

not to be rude, but legally, your children don't HAVE to do anything. they are voluntarily putting themselves in this bind.

if the half sister wants to pursue the issue, only she would have the authority to contest anything.

personally, this isn't the live in's fault. it's the dead man. he didn't plan for this. if i was stuck in this situtation, i wouldn't be bothering with a funeral, burial or ceremony. especially if i couldn't fund this out of my pocket.
 

Antigone*

Senior Member
is the half sister a minor?

not to be rude, but legally, your children don't HAVE to do anything. they are voluntarily putting themselves in this bind.

if the half sister wants to pursue the issue, only she would have the authority to contest anything.

personally, this isn't the live in's fault. it's the dead man. he didn't plan for this. if i was stuck in this situtation, i wouldn't be bothering with a funeral, burial or ceremony. especially if i couldn't fund this out of my pocket.
This is a great example of karma.

The man owed tons of money to this woman in child support, and now the deadbeat has no one to bury him ~ justice ;)
 

2busy

Junior Member
I appreciate all of your opinions/inputs. I will notify eldest to see how she wants to handle this. The 3 kids have been through alot of emotional turmoil already on his behalf, not knowing why he wouldn't wanna be around the past 10 years. The have already had his funeral/memorial standing up front as if that's where they were supposed to be. At ages 17, 19, 22 alot of mixed emotions right now and not knowing who is supposed to pay the bills. We've been told by employer that there was no name on beneficiary now - not sure how this will end but thank you.
 

CourtClerk

Senior Member
We've been told by employer that there was no name on beneficiary now
In your first post, you said that the ex girlfriend is the named beneficiary. If that's the case, she gets the money.

If there is no beneficiary, I suspect the money would go to the estate and the estate would need to be probated. Then it would follow the rules of intestacy. Your kids would never get anything, regardless.
 

2busy

Junior Member
Initially it had been stated that the exgirlfriend's name was on policy. New information came to light from half sister regarding no named beneficiary while posting. They were hoping to not have to go to probate due to no assets. We never expected anything for the 2 kids he gave up for adoption - why should it start now? Just hoping to help my stepdaughter and her 2 siblings (my kids) in putting this all to rest without any more turmoil. I received a call at my home last night from debt collector regarding his "final affairs". I know that is not my responsibility, I'm very close to my stepdaughter and am trying to get some answers for her.
 

Isis1

Senior Member
Initially it had been stated that the exgirlfriend's name was on policy. New information came to light from half sister regarding no named beneficiary while posting. They were hoping to not have to go to probate due to no assets. We never expected anything for the 2 kids he gave up for adoption - why should it start now? Just hoping to help my stepdaughter and her 2 siblings (my kids) in putting this all to rest without any more turmoil. I received a call at my home last night from debt collector regarding his "final affairs". I know that is not my responsibility, I'm very close to my stepdaughter and am trying to get some answers for her.
honestly, i strongly recomend you stop speaking to any debt collectors.

whoever initiated the expense of the funeral, the memorial, will have to pay for that out of their own pocket.
 

xylene

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? MO
My ex of 10 years passed away suddenly. (We were married for 10 years also) He had not remarried but lived with a couple of other women. His retirement beneficiary is a past live-in who has no intentions on helping pay for his funeral, hospital bills, debts turned over to collections while they were together, etc. This is leaving my children (and me) in financial hardship. He signed my children over for adoption by my current husband due to not wanting to pay child support ($5000+ behind @ the time). This leaves his closest heirs to paying the bills. The most recent live in says he had nothing saved or assests we could use to help pay. What are our options?
You, your children with him, his half children, no one... is obliged to pay for his debts or hospital bills

If you want a funeral for someone, of course you must pay for it. There is no obligation for a deceased estate to pay for a funeral.
 

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