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HELP....

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U

ulooz

Guest
I don't even know where to begin......... I have been separated from my husband for approx 3 years. We separated when he became convinced I was having an "affair" because I wanted to attend an after-work dinner with co-workers, and yes, among them were unmarried men.He began to record phone conversations, and played tapes (of me talking to my sister,expressing my unhappiness) to our children (they are 8,7,& 5 now), and telling them 'mommy has a boyfriend' and 'she hates you and just doesn't care about you'. Let me go back a sec....he has always had a bad temper, and before we had children, and for a few years after, a "temper tantrum" is all that was needed to control my behavior.....("anything to keep him happy").
I left him when I discovered that while I was at work (I worked full time in an ER as an RN,part time in a nursing home, and cared for my bed-fast,terminal mother. He did not work), he "teased" the children with butcher knives.
On the day that I left, he got out a gun,loaded (and one of many), and said he would "blow his brains out".....he held the gun to his head, in front of the children and me, so that we could "watch what youve done to me".
Since that time he:
1) has followed me everywhere I go (to work [and sits out side], to my families house, to visit friends, to the store,etc.), and when I was home, he sat outside my windows to hear who I talked with on the phone. (I didn't know this at the time, he has since repeated conversations to me....word for word)
2)has had an involuntary committment to a psych facility for suicidal ideations/gestures
3)has run me (with the children in the car) out of the road, and blocked my path, "just to talk"
4)has contacted friends,coworkers, and family (and the priest that married us)....to give specific incidences that highlighted my bad behavior, and to elicit their support(using untruths, of course)
5)has continually called and harrassed me in writing (notes left on my door), saying if I'll just admit what I did, and come home....things will be "o.k. again".
6)has obtained access to my computer to read and copy e-mail.
7)has broken into my house, both when I am there as well as when I am not.
8)has come to my residence many nights, standing outside, shouting obscenities and insisting that I let him in, and on at least 3 occasions broke into the house at that time.
9)has been arrested multiple times-violating domestic violence order (which he entered into voluntarily while in court for assault with a deadly weapon charges stemming from the incident in which he ran me out of the road), and kidnapping.
10)has continually harrassed aquaintances, and their families.
11)has told me if I didn't come back, he would "ruin" me.
12)has, at least once, demonstrated to our children...using a loaded gun....where to shoot themselves to do the most damage, and tells them on a regular basis he is going to kill himself and it is their/my (or any combination of same) fault. additionally, he tells our oldest child that he is "leaving and never coming back, and you'll never see me again.
13)On one occasion, he learned of a large snake outside my residence (from the children). We left home, returned several hours later to find the snake, minus it's head, lying accross out doorstep.

There are many,many,many,many other instances of things of that nature.

At this time, I have custody of the children, and he has visitation. He pays no child support, as it was not ordered by the court (he was unemployed at the time of our court appearances). The children spent the weekend with him, and came home last night. My oldest child (a girl=8y/o) told me that daddy told them to "go home and kiss mommy goodbye. You are going to be orphans, because I am going to kill her." According to them he is going to "blow my brains out". Their emotional state at this time is pretty much what you would expect it to be......and it isn't pretty!

I contacted the magistrate in the county in which I live (he lives about 45 minutes away, with his parents, in a neighboring state). She was very supportive (she has met him on multiple occasions), although she said, and I agree, that filing criminal charges could be the straw that broke the camels back (so to speak).

I am going this morning to speak with the local REACH organization, and hopefully we will be able to obtain a second domestic violence order. I really have had no contact with them up to this point, as the chapter in the town in which I live is new.

Additionally, we are still married, as I owe my lawyer 2,000+ dollars,which at this time I can not pay, as well as not being able to afford the 500 dollar filing fee to obtain the divorce. I hope to be able to work this out in time.

The local police/sherriff's dept are very much over worked and under paid, and although I feel like they have done the best that they can, I have received very little support from them....IE---> He was stopped at a license check one night, a few miles from my house (but in the state and county of my residence). He was told that they held an outstanding warrent for his arrest (as did a neighboring county in which I work....both for violations of the domestic violence order), but that it was a "holiday weekend" (? labor day?) and it would be monday before he could go before a judge. They told him they were sure he "wouldn't want to spend the weekend in jail", to go home (which he did not do), and come back on Monday morning to have the warrents executed.

After 3 to 4 years of this, I have reached the end of my rope (to say the least)~

Any guidance that you could give me would be appreciated, as I no longer have any hope that this will EVER stop, and it seems as though until I am dead or almost dead, I will get no help from the authorities.

All of his behavior (in retrospect) seemed designed to control me. Each successive "plan" that he has launched has become more extreme in nature, and as I said, I see no end in sight.

Please,please,please..........any suggestions would be appreciated more than you will ever know. Although all of these examples may seem minor,taken separately, to an "outsider"....he is controlling, and RUINING my life, as well as inflicting untold damage on our children. And I can not take a great deal more.........

Thank you so much for your time,your patience, and your consideration.

I live in North Carolina, my husband in Georgia.

[email protected]
 



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